Worrying about the health of a loved one [36]Comments on: http://www.ilaxstudio.com/blog/2009/12/17/worrying-about-the-health-of-a-loved-one/ Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. Wed, 15 Feb 2012 01:44:11 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: HotchPotchery http://www.ilaxstudio.com/blog/2009/12/17/worrying-about-the-health-of-a-loved-one/#comment-15426 HotchPotchery Sat, 19 Dec 2009 16:31:16 +0000 http://www.ilaxstudio.com/blog/?p=5995#comment-15426 I love this post and am looking forward to reading the comments after I make mine. :) Mr. P smokes and I despise it and I have nagged, bitched, pleaded all to no avail. Then I read an article in Good Housekeeping (or something like that) that said to 'zip it'. Grown people KNOW what is good/bad for them. Take care of yourself and when you want to nag think about the REAL reason behind it--probably is linked to your own shortcomings. .-= Author's last blog post... <a href="http://hotchpotchery.blogspot.com/2009/12/bon-voyage.html" rel="nofollow">Bon Voyage!!</a> =-. I love this post and am looking forward to reading the comments after I make mine. :)

Mr. P smokes and I despise it and I have nagged, bitched, pleaded all to no avail. Then I read an article in Good Housekeeping (or something like that) that said to ‘zip it’. Grown people KNOW what is good/bad for them. Take care of yourself and when you want to nag think about the REAL reason behind it–probably is linked to your own shortcomings.
.-= Author’s last blog post… Bon Voyage!! =-.

]]> By: Leah http://www.ilaxstudio.com/blog/2009/12/17/worrying-about-the-health-of-a-loved-one/#comment-15405 Leah Fri, 18 Dec 2009 22:51:53 +0000 http://www.ilaxstudio.com/blog/?p=5995#comment-15405 Wow - I read that list. You're right, I think I will be a little pissed off for the rest of the day. If my boyfriend were to follow the advice they gave, he'd find himself suddenly single! This is a really hard subject. I dont know how I would feel about having my boyfriend bring it up to me. I mean, if Ive put on weight, Im going to know it. I dont think I need anyone reminding me of that. .-= Author's last blog post... <a href="http://whydeprive.wordpress.com/2009/12/17/7-random-things-you-dont-know-about-me/" rel="nofollow">7 Random Things You Dont Know About Me</a> =-. Wow – I read that list. You’re right, I think I will be a little pissed off for the rest of the day. If my boyfriend were to follow the advice they gave, he’d find himself suddenly single!

This is a really hard subject. I dont know how I would feel about having my boyfriend bring it up to me. I mean, if Ive put on weight, Im going to know it. I dont think I need anyone reminding me of that.
.-= Author’s last blog post… 7 Random Things You Dont Know About Me =-.

]]> By: Holly http://www.ilaxstudio.com/blog/2009/12/17/worrying-about-the-health-of-a-loved-one/#comment-15394 Holly Fri, 18 Dec 2009 17:57:58 +0000 http://www.ilaxstudio.com/blog/?p=5995#comment-15394 OH MY GOSH - that list?! I couldn't get through the whole thing because my work computer kicks me off certain sites (grrr - what else am I supposed to do all day? LOL), but the ones I saw were a little upsetting. This is a VERY touchy subject. I say this because I know from experience; my mom is overweight as well as my oldest sister. It is a subject I feel I can't bring up without hurting their feelings. But then, my mom is 58 and takes 19 pills a day (she is diabetic, has high BP, etc.). I want to talk to her not about her weight, but her health (which is obviously related to her weight). I want her to be around for a LONG time - but I'm too afraid to tell her I want her to get healthy because I don't want to make her sad. I usually think being direct - with a SOFT approach - is the best thing. Some of those things on that list made me LOL! Buy me a smaller size and say "You were that size last summer?" I'd kick your ass, buddy!!! ;-) .-= Author's last blog post... <a href="http://thebalancebroad.wordpress.com/2009/12/18/just-breathe/" rel="nofollow">Just Breathe</a> =-. OH MY GOSH – that list?! I couldn’t get through the whole thing because my work computer kicks me off certain sites (grrr – what else am I supposed to do all day? LOL), but the ones I saw were a little upsetting.

This is a VERY touchy subject. I say this because I know from experience; my mom is overweight as well as my oldest sister. It is a subject I feel I can’t bring up without hurting their feelings. But then, my mom is 58 and takes 19 pills a day (she is diabetic, has high BP, etc.). I want to talk to her not about her weight, but her health (which is obviously related to her weight). I want her to be around for a LONG time – but I’m too afraid to tell her I want her to get healthy because I don’t want to make her sad.

I usually think being direct – with a SOFT approach – is the best thing. Some of those things on that list made me LOL! Buy me a smaller size and say “You were that size last summer?” I’d kick your ass, buddy!!! ;-)
.-= Author’s last blog post… Just Breathe =-.

]]> By: Joanne http://www.ilaxstudio.com/blog/2009/12/17/worrying-about-the-health-of-a-loved-one/#comment-15377 Joanne Fri, 18 Dec 2009 14:27:39 +0000 http://www.ilaxstudio.com/blog/?p=5995#comment-15377 What a good topic to discuss. I didn't read all the comments because I can't bring myself to confront my nephew who I love SO much. I don't want to hurt his feelings and being a fitness and health fanatic, I wonder if I am just overly concerned. See, my nephew is only 26 but is very over weight. His diet consists of Wendy's, sugar, and beer. He has been told by the Doctor he needs to lose weight. Now there's a hint for him! He is currently layed off work. He sleeps until 2pm after playing computer games all night. Instead of "hoofin'" it, he sends his resume on line. He is the greatest person in the whole world and I'm not his parent. I think it has to come down to the person taking care of themselves. No one else will take care of you BUT you. It's being responsible for yourself and wanting to enjoy life in the healthiest way possible. It's so sad but really just comes down to putting yourself first and wanting a full life. .-= Author's last blog post... <a href="http://www.applecrumbles.com/2009/12/17/somewhere-there-is-a-pretzel-under-there/" rel="nofollow">Somewhere there is a Pretzel under there</a> =-. What a good topic to discuss. I didn’t read all the comments because I can’t bring myself to confront my nephew who I love SO much. I don’t want to hurt his feelings and being a fitness and health fanatic, I wonder if I am just overly concerned.
See, my nephew is only 26 but is very over weight. His diet consists of Wendy’s, sugar, and beer. He has been told by the Doctor he needs to lose weight. Now there’s a hint for him! He is currently layed off work. He sleeps until 2pm after playing computer games all night. Instead of “hoofin’” it, he sends his resume on line.
He is the greatest person in the whole world and I’m not his parent.
I think it has to come down to the person taking care of themselves. No one else will take care of you BUT you. It’s being responsible for yourself and wanting to enjoy life in the healthiest way possible. It’s so sad but really just comes down to putting yourself first and wanting a full life.
.-= Author’s last blog post… Somewhere there is a Pretzel under there =-.

]]> By: Andrea (Off Her Cork) http://www.ilaxstudio.com/blog/2009/12/17/worrying-about-the-health-of-a-loved-one/#comment-15371 Andrea (Off Her Cork) Fri, 18 Dec 2009 13:47:37 +0000 http://www.ilaxstudio.com/blog/?p=5995#comment-15371 Wow. A sexual level? That right there would make me want to get a divorce. Because hello, love for a person isn't supposed to be just physical, it is supposed to be about the person too. Ugh. That sort of leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Wanting to help someone get healthy is a difficult and sticky situation because no matter what, I think suggestions, tips, and so forth can be construed so many different ways. .-= Author's last blog post... <a href="http://offhercork.com/2009/12/december-15th-and-16th-2009-straight-up-food-talk/" rel="nofollow">December 15th and 16th, 2009: straight up food talk</a> =-. Wow. A sexual level? That right there would make me want to get a divorce. Because hello, love for a person isn’t supposed to be just physical, it is supposed to be about the person too. Ugh. That sort of leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Wanting to help someone get healthy is a difficult and sticky situation because no matter what, I think suggestions, tips, and so forth can be construed so many different ways.
.-= Author’s last blog post… December 15th and 16th, 2009: straight up food talk =-.

]]> By: blueeyedheart http://www.ilaxstudio.com/blog/2009/12/17/worrying-about-the-health-of-a-loved-one/#comment-15370 blueeyedheart Fri, 18 Dec 2009 13:16:22 +0000 http://www.ilaxstudio.com/blog/?p=5995#comment-15370 Oh, my gosh... that "Top 10" list has steam coming out of my ears. Sabotage her chair? <i>Seriously?!?!</i> If someone doesn't want to change, they won't. It's one thing to offer opinions and advice if they're solicited... otherwise, you're just going to piss people off. And those "subtle" ways? ... uh, yeah. So not a good idea. Oh, my gosh… that “Top 10″ list has steam coming out of my ears. Sabotage her chair? Seriously?!?!

If someone doesn’t want to change, they won’t. It’s one thing to offer opinions and advice if they’re solicited… otherwise, you’re just going to piss people off. And those “subtle” ways? … uh, yeah. So not a good idea.

]]> By: MelissaNibbles http://www.ilaxstudio.com/blog/2009/12/17/worrying-about-the-health-of-a-loved-one/#comment-15359 MelissaNibbles Thu, 17 Dec 2009 23:55:12 +0000 http://www.ilaxstudio.com/blog/?p=5995#comment-15359 I agree with everything that's already been said. You can give a nudge in the right direction, but it's up to that person to make the change. And I completely agree with you that it can be taken the wrong way when you ask your hubby or boyfriend if they ran or what they ate for lunch. They think you're checking up on them, but you're just curious. So touchy! .-= Author's last blog post... <a href="http://www.melissanibbles.com/2009/12/three-things-thursday_17.html" rel="nofollow">Three Things Thursday</a> =-. I agree with everything that’s already been said. You can give a nudge in the right direction, but it’s up to that person to make the change. And I completely agree with you that it can be taken the wrong way when you ask your hubby or boyfriend if they ran or what they ate for lunch. They think you’re checking up on them, but you’re just curious. So touchy!
.-= Author’s last blog post… Three Things Thursday =-.

]]> By: Kate http://www.ilaxstudio.com/blog/2009/12/17/worrying-about-the-health-of-a-loved-one/#comment-15357 Kate Thu, 17 Dec 2009 21:09:42 +0000 http://www.ilaxstudio.com/blog/?p=5995#comment-15357 My husband is a smoker and, due to the nature of his job, often relies on fast food because he can't bring meals to work. It really worries me considering his father and grandfather both died of massive heart attacks at 52. He has tried to quit smoking repeatedly, but it's an awful addiction he hasn't been able to conquer quite yet. The most I feel I can do is encourage him when he does try to quit, make sure he visits a doctor every two years (it's like pulling teeth with him, seriously) and make good, healthy meals when we eat together. My husband is a smoker and, due to the nature of his job, often relies on fast food because he can’t bring meals to work. It really worries me considering his father and grandfather both died of massive heart attacks at 52. He has tried to quit smoking repeatedly, but it’s an awful addiction he hasn’t been able to conquer quite yet. The most I feel I can do is encourage him when he does try to quit, make sure he visits a doctor every two years (it’s like pulling teeth with him, seriously) and make good, healthy meals when we eat together.

]]> By: Lindsay Perrone http://www.ilaxstudio.com/blog/2009/12/17/worrying-about-the-health-of-a-loved-one/#comment-15354 Lindsay Perrone Thu, 17 Dec 2009 20:47:25 +0000 http://www.ilaxstudio.com/blog/?p=5995#comment-15354 I am also so defensive about it. Well, more like it goes undiscussed. Poor bf learns more about me from my blog about my ED then I've ever told him. I can talk about it with anyone but something about admitting that I binge to my boyfriend has been extremely difficult. As a matter of face, I don't think I've ever really talked about it with him. Seems like you and Steven are on a great path--exercising, cooking together, etc. We each have our own issues and it's a fine line between hurting someones feelings and helping them out. .-= Author's last blog post... <a href="http://goodiesgalore.wordpress.com/2009/12/17/green-monster-debut/" rel="nofollow">Green Monster Debut</a> =-. I am also so defensive about it. Well, more like it goes undiscussed. Poor bf learns more about me from my blog about my ED then I’ve ever told him. I can talk about it with anyone but something about admitting that I binge to my boyfriend has been extremely difficult. As a matter of face, I don’t think I’ve ever really talked about it with him.
Seems like you and Steven are on a great path–exercising, cooking together, etc. We each have our own issues and it’s a fine line between hurting someones feelings and helping them out.
.-= Author’s last blog post… Green Monster Debut =-.

]]> By: Vicki http://www.ilaxstudio.com/blog/2009/12/17/worrying-about-the-health-of-a-loved-one/#comment-15353 Vicki Thu, 17 Dec 2009 20:45:52 +0000 http://www.ilaxstudio.com/blog/?p=5995#comment-15353 You know what makes me angry about this? That comment from the man didn't sound even remotely like concern for his wife's health but instead sounded (to me) like concern about how she might look someday. My husband used to make little comments when we were first married (after we'd had our first kid) that maybe I should be watching what I eat, etc. etc. What resulted was serious binge eating issues whenever he wasn't around. I began to have a mentality that if I wanted to eat something, I'd better eat as much of it as I could before he got home so I wouldn't get criticized. I'm embarrassed even admitting it, but there you have it. My weight would actually go up following comments from him. I think it was really destructive to our relationship, despite his efforts to not hurt my feelings, because to me it always felt like he wouldn't love me if I gained any weight (not true, but we were young and still learning the ropes of a solid relationship.) Anyway, he stopped mentioning it and I started feeling comfortable eating normally (most of the time) and my weight stabilized. I actually eat much healthier than him now, but I needed to want it, not feel shamed into it. I think it is such a touchy issue that many times, unless the partner's weight is affecting their health, it shouldn't be mentioned. Nobody will change before they are really truly ready to and at that point, they can ask for support. I know I would love my husband bald and with a potbelly (never happen, though) and I want to feel that he would return the favor. Sorry for the long reply! .-= Author's last blog post... <a href="http://chubbyvegan1.blogspot.com/2009/12/yesterday-was-day-2-of-my-new-plan.html" rel="nofollow">Randomness</a> =-. You know what makes me angry about this? That comment from the man didn’t sound even remotely like concern for his wife’s health but instead sounded (to me) like concern about how she might look someday.

My husband used to make little comments when we were first married (after we’d had our first kid) that maybe I should be watching what I eat, etc. etc. What resulted was serious binge eating issues whenever he wasn’t around. I began to have a mentality that if I wanted to eat something, I’d better eat as much of it as I could before he got home so I wouldn’t get criticized. I’m embarrassed even admitting it, but there you have it. My weight would actually go up following comments from him. I think it was really destructive to our relationship, despite his efforts to not hurt my feelings, because to me it always felt like he wouldn’t love me if I gained any weight (not true, but we were young and still learning the ropes of a solid relationship.)

Anyway, he stopped mentioning it and I started feeling comfortable eating normally (most of the time) and my weight stabilized. I actually eat much healthier than him now, but I needed to want it, not feel shamed into it.

I think it is such a touchy issue that many times, unless the partner’s weight is affecting their health, it shouldn’t be mentioned. Nobody will change before they are really truly ready to and at that point, they can ask for support. I know I would love my husband bald and with a potbelly (never happen, though) and I want to feel that he would return the favor.

Sorry for the long reply!
.-= Author’s last blog post… Randomness =-.

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