I don’t want to “fake it till I make it”!

By , January 10, 2018 6:23 am

That saying – fake it till you make it – needs some caveats:

  • Stop faking it if it eats away at your soul!
  • Stop faking it if it makes you FAKE/disingenuous!
  • Don’t confuse building your character by faking it with building tolerance toward something you hate


There’s a reason I asked Santa for the “Live What You Love” mantraband!

I’m a broken record, but to reiterate, I am not looking forward to going back to my old work position, because I don’t care for the work anymore (it’s changed a lot since I started), and for other reasons. I greatly enjoyed the work in my detail position. And it’s not because it’s new and different. It’s because it suits me.

I didn’t have to fake it at work while I was in the detail.

Ahh, and it was so refreshing.

The dread of going back to my old position is seeping in now, and really getting me down. And I hate that I am letting that happen! But I hate to think I have to go back to faking it, every day at work, trying to like something that doesn’t suit me. Being nice to people who are arseholes to me. Always being friendly, even though I’m fed up. It’s draiiiiiiiiiiiiining.

So, I am saying no to “faking it.”

I’m just not quite sure what that means yet…

20 Responses to “I don’t want to “fake it till I make it”!”

  1. kathy says:

    🙁 I agree don’t fake it.
    ANY chance of a position coming up with similar work to the detail? Maybe and I know its scary consider looking for another job. Stressful in the short term but happier in the long term!

    • kilax says:

      They need to open this detail AS a position, so there is a chance for that. Otherwise I will look for other openings in my company (I am lucky in that the company is huge and there are a lot of different job functions). I was lazier about it before, but now that I see I can like work again, I am totally going to make it a priority!

  2. Mica says:

    I’ve heard both sides of the arguments for faking it. It just comes down to what works for each person, right? (Like when I ranted your ear off about personal organizational systems!) Sometimes, I feel like I need to “fake” it at work because otherwise, I’ll be crippled by [unnecessary] self-doubt. Like, instead of saying “Hm…I don’t 100% feel confident about doing X yet.”, I’ll just say, “Sure! I’ll give it a try!” and work out the issues I don’t understand later.

    On the other hand, yeah, continually being nice to jerks or acting like you like something that you don’t is really draining and adds a lot of cognitive load to your day. In those circumstances, I think it’s definitely better to recognize it, not gloss over it! (“Turn it off, like a light switch!” Hahaha)

    I hope you can find something that works for you! I know you’ll put a lot of effort into it!

    • kilax says:

      Yeah, I think it makes sense in the first situation, even though it’s uncomfortable. I feel like that whenever I have to do project management work – fake it, figure it out, then do it. Then I’ve learned that ONE thing… and will have another thing to “fake” soon until I learn it. Ha. It would be so bad to never try things you don’t know how to do. To never fail, really!

      Yes! Turn it right off, in the second situation. If anything, this detail showed me work can be enjoyable and something I like again… I didn’t realize how much I was faking it before. Eek! And I am going to put a lot of effort in to making things better from now on!

  3. Pete B says:

    Sorry to hear about your situation. Things always change so maybe there is change (for the better) on the horizon for you. Also, love “arseholes”. 🙂

  4. Kiersten says:

    It’s such a hard thing! Live what you love sounds great, but there are also bills to pay! You would like to think that employers would recognize that they get far more out of their employees when they like what they are doing. But that doesn’t seem to be the case. Going back to school to be a nurse involved a lot of soul searching and sacrifice, but it is wonderful to like my job and not dread it like my old job.

    • kilax says:

      Yaasssss, all your points are spot on. Like, I can’t just quit my job and do something different, cause, bills. And just because I am good at doing something I hate, doesn’t mean I should have to keep doing it!!! I am so glad you are doing something you love now. YAY!!!!!!!!!!

  5. I think faking it ’til you make it is totally appropriate (and sometimes totally necessary) in confidence situations, but otherwise isn’t particularly great advice. Faking confidence can go a really long way in helping you gain actual confidence(if there’s any life lesson I’ve learned from dance, that’s it. My teacher’s most common piece of instruction is to, “Do it like you know it,” because honestly, that’s half the battle in dance–looking like you know what you’re doing, even if you don’t (i.e.: faking it). If you look like you know what you’re doing, you’ll either 1) eventually learn the choreography well enough that you DO know what you’re doing, because you’re attacking it, not approaching it hesitantly or 2) look good enough to fool the audience into thinking you know what you’re doing. A confident-looking mistake always looks less wrong than a hesitant, shy-looking mistake.). But I don’t think I’ve ever faked myself into liking a person or situation that I didn’t like to begin with. I mean, sometimes you can grow into liking a person or situation you didn’t like initially, but that usually happens on its own, not because you force it to happen by pretending it’s happening in the first place, at least in my experience.

    I really hope something works out where you’re able to do work like you’ve been doing in your detail in a more permanent fashion, whether that’s by your detail turning into a full time gig, something similar opening up in your company, or going elsewhere to do work along the same lines, if it comes to that. I’ve been shocked over the past few months how much of a difference doing work I enjoy has made in regards to my overall happiness and well being, and it sounds like you’re in a similar situation. Sending you lots of positive thoughts in relation to all of this!

    • kilax says:

      I think fake it till you make it totally applies for confidence! Dance is a very good example! I had to use that when I started teaching strength classes, before I had built up confidence from actually teaching. And it always looks better, in performance, and to clients, and students!

      But yeah, it’s bad to to try to fake it into liking something, which I was totally doing in my past position. Blah. Like you, I didn’t realize how much of a difference something better suited to me would make! I am so glad to hear you are so much happier!!! I got news at the end of the day that they extended the detail a month, woo hoo! I was REALLY surprised.

  6. Shelley B says:

    Life is too short to do a job that you hate. I mean, seriously – you work at least 40 hours each week, that’s way too long to do something that brings you down. Make the change now; it’s worth the leap, even if the pay is less. Trust me on this one…you only get one shot at life, and the length is not guaranteed, so do what makes you a happy and content person.

    • kilax says:

      That is what I was thinking too – I spend 40 hours a week doing this, I need to like it. When I do have to go back, I am going to try to get out of it as soon as possible and find something better!

  7. Anne says:

    I’m sorry you’re already feeling so bummed about going to your old team. I really hope they post your detail as a position. It sucks to know that there’s work that you would enjoy, but you can’t do it.

    On the other hand, I do think it’s good that this detail showed you that you can enjoy work again! I hope something good comes of it, and soon.

    And I agree with Shelley’s advice. Life is short. If you know what will make you happier, make it happen. My family all gave Terry the same speech at Christmas.

    • kilax says:

      I hope they do post it as well. I think the team needs someone in my position, whether it’s me or not! Although ideally it would be me, since I like it. And yes, I was so glad the detail showed me I could enjoy work again. I was so excited when they offered it to me… I didn’t realize how much I needed a change (even though I had planned to ask for it when my coworker came back from leave).

      I hope Terry is able to make it happen for him!

  8. ChezJulie says:

    I’m glad that they extended the detail by a month, and I hope it is extended permanently!

    At least now you have the information that you really do like doing something else more, so hopefully there will be a way to apply that knowledge in the future.

    Is there anyone in your org that you can tell how much you enjoyed the work in the other detail in case something like that comes up again?

    • kilax says:

      Thanks! Me too!

      I agree that that is good info to have. No need to be scared of trying something new, if something else comes up (but I really REALLY do NOT want to be a project manager).

      Hmm. I can’t think of anyone who would advocate for me besides my old boss (that I really like, just not the work on that team). We get emails with job openings and ideas, so there’s that!

  9. Carolyn Minear says:

    I hope you have a chance to go back to something that brings you joy while working. It makes it so hard to force yourself to do a job when thinking about going to work fills you with dread. But I’m glad you’ve had the chance to do this detail to show you how fulfilling it can be.

    • kilax says:

      Thank you, I hope so too! They did tell me yesterday they are going to extend it a month, so I can at least finish up some projects now. And plan on how to find joy in something else if I can’t keep doing this job!

  10. Bobbi says:

    I agree that “fake it til you make it” is much better ascribed to confidence. You can’t fake loving something you don’t love.

    That said, the one thing you CAN do (and that has always served me well, and that I think you are really good at), is have a good attitude. If my attitude is bad, I feel SO MUCH WORSE about whatever it is I’m doing that I wish I wasn’t.

    Good luck figuring this out! As so many have already said, it’s so important to like what you spend so much of your time doing!

    • kilax says:

      It is! Or faking something new you are trying to become (a healthier eater, a nicer person, ha <--- things I need to work on!). Yes, attitude is KEY. Going in to work yesterday, I was really feeling the struggle, like I didn't know how I could make it through the day not knowing what was going on and putting on a happy face. But I got to work and tried hard to be positive. It does help! Thanks! I am glad they at least extended it thirty days. Better than nothing!

Panorama Theme by Themocracy

41 ‘queries’.