Shut down

By , January 24, 2018 6:23 am

Not about the government shutdown. Although I am a federal employee.

Has something ever upset you so much that to deal with it level headedly, you had to step back and give yourself time to calm the eff down?

I know, dumb question. How the hell else do you handle things?

It’s just that I’ve had several moments like that over the last year, so I’m thinking about it. Moments where I was so upset, I really couldn’t think or do anything about the situation. I had to give myself time to calm down. Let my heart rate come down. Let that “I may throw up” feeling stop. I had to wait to deal with it until I wasn’t filled with firey rage just thinking about it.

Okay, that last part may be a bit of an exaggeration. Ha.

But I have to shut down on the situation, until I calm down. It’s not uncommon for me to say “I need time to calm down” or “I can’t talk about it right now,” and it’s not that I’m avoiding it. I just need to be less angry. Then approach it with less emotion involved.

This happened to me Monday, with something work related. I was so shocked I didn’t know whether to cry or throw up. Ugh. I felt horrible.

But I am proud of how I handled it. I didn’t take it out on anyone. I talked to Steven, my snis, and friends for support. I went on a run. I wrote an angry inappropriate blog post and waited until today to publish this (and not the other one). I didn’t binge eat (<—- that’s a big one).

I feel like such an adult.

An angry, screwed over one (who feels slightly better today).

Unrelated photo of our snow dump from Monday night! I was so proud of myself for doing all the snow blowing, even though it looked horrible because the ground was so soft under the snow and dirt flew everywhere.

10 Responses to “Shut down”

  1. Anne says:

    I totally know the fiery rage feeling, and I’m admittedly not always that great at stepping back right away to calm down.

    I’m glad you’re feeling better today, and I hope something good can come out of the whole situation because feeling angry and screwed over by your job really sucks 🙁

  2. kathy says:

    In those situations I usually cry lol. Its that or full rage. I hate that someone can do something to make you that angry/upset but you end up the one person feeling like sh*t and the other person is like whatever, grrr.
    Well done on how you handled it! Now time to get even mwah ha ha (joking).

    • kilax says:

      I really felt like I was going to cry! I was so mad! And yes, the news was delivered so freaking casually that I was shocked by it, and they were all “but we’re excited.” UGH. I am seeing what I can do about it!

  3. Shelley B says:

    Huge sign of maturity in the way you handled your bad news – it’s so easy, so simple, to react immediately and the fact that you removed yourself while your processed it is impressive. That said, I’m sorry for work drama; I know how bad it sucks when you are treated unfairly.

  4. Mica says:

    Congratulations on how you handled it! (And especially not binging or taking it out on anyone!) I’m bummed about your really frustrating, maddening, and upsetting news though!

    • kilax says:

      Thanks! And thanks for listening!

      I am bummed too. I feel better finding out it’s allowed today, but I am still bummed. UGH.

  5. Amy says:

    So sorry you have to go through something so upsetting but proud of you for handling it well – and giving yourself props for that, too! Hang in there.

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