I wasn’t even going to mention Valentine’s Day, as it’s not particularly high on my holidays of importance radar, and because my husband is not even in the same state, but… my mom’s mom sent me this awesome homemade Valentine’s Day card, and I had to share it!

Grandma, you know me too well. Running shoes are the way to my heart. I am yours!

(Ahem, I am an Asics girl though)

Also, in honor of Valentine’s Day, I would like to share this story with you. Cute!

And, also in honor of Valentine’s Day (again), I would like to ask you:

What is your favorite kind of chocolate?

I am a dark chocolate girl, all the way. Lately, I have been loving dark chocolate with sea salt in it. Holy cow, that stuff is AMAZING! I also love dark chocolate with orange in it, and dark chocolate covered orange peels. 

*running shoes for this girl!

Pushy, much?

So, enter Erin the Stylist:

I went through my closet with Erin, pointing out the tops I never wear because I have no idea what to wear them with, and she put together some cute outfits for me. She even made a beige jacket and black skirt appear that I could not recall owning. Sweet! (Ignore my messy hair and my bad editing of these photos (body scale wise))

I also asked for help figuring out how to wear my summer dresses in the winter. Success!

After a few hours of going through my closet, we trekked over to Kohl’s where Erin found this jacket for me for $8.00! EIGHT DOLLARS!

I love Erin. Everyone needs a best friend like her. 

Would you like someone to go through your closet and help you put some outfits together?

I mentioned to Erin that she should just pack my suitcase for NYC since she was there, but she didn’t bite on that. Ha ha. I think I will be wearing a few of these casual outfits (the whole reason we took photos was so I could remember what we came up with!).

Even the weather channel was mocking my canceled trip to NYC. 

Joke’s on YOU, Weather Channel! I prefer running in the 30s! I don’t need no stinkin’ 40s.

Shudder. Just writing that double negative… yuck. 

I was really surprised I was able to do this run. I had a crappy day and treated myself to a lot of sweets.  

So on on the workout. 2 mile warm-up, followed by 5×4 minutes between 7:30-7:40, and a 1 mile cool-down. How did I do? My 5 4-minute splits were: 7:35, 7:30, 7:34, 7:39 and 7:40. Right on target.

This workout made me feel like I could actually met my 5K goal. That doesn’t mean it was easy. I had to remind myself to pump my arms and work through it! But I didn’t wimp out, and that makes me happy.

Distance: 6.5 | Start Temp: 30° | End Temp: 29° | Time: 56:36 | Avg Pace: 8:42

Day 842 | February 7, 2012: rest

I loved having this Tuesday off. Steven surprised me by bringing home sandwiches and we ate them on the couch while watching a movie. Soooo relaxing.

Day 843 | February 8, 2012: 6 m run + strength class

Since it was light out when I was running I decided to run the hilly trail by my house. 

Yep. Hills still suck. Ha ha. I think this is the fastest I’ve ever run that route though. 

I had a nagging feeling on the right side of my right foot during the run. I hope that doesn’t turn in to anything. 

Distance: 6.0 | Start Temp: 35° | End Temp: 33° | Time: 56:32 | Avg Pace: 9:25

After my run I took a hot bath. Then went to strength class. I knew it was  bad idea but I did it anyway. I was wiped during class and my foot hurt too. I was not able to give class my all and had to modify some of the moves. 

Day 844 | February 9, 2012: cross

I used the recumbent bike in the gym – I am not even recall the last time I did that! It was a nice, relaxing ride (set on manual, 5.98 miles in 35 minutes). I read Getting a Grip while I was riding.

Day 845 | February 10, 2012: 6 m run (easy w/5×10-15 sec strides)

Yay, I actually got my butt out of bed to run before work! And my foot felt fine too! Double Yay!!!

I actually saw another runner during this run, all decked out in reflective gear and lights. We said good morning and waved. I think that was the highlight of this run!

I did 5 x 15 second strides from miles 2-4. Those are always a good pick-up!

Distance: 6.0 | Start Temp: 32° | End Temp: 32° | Time: 54:43 | Avg Pace: 9:07

Day 846 | February 11, 2012: 14 m run (easy)

I was nervous about this run because the forecast said cold and windy. But the sun was out so the 10°F temp didn’t seem so bad. And the wind was bearable (15mph dusting to 23mph). Plus, I ran ran 3 loops in my neighborhood so I didn’t have to carry water or GU (which would never work in the summer) and it was nice to have my hands free. 

What was challenging was the footing! We got a few inches of snow late Friday so I had to wear my Yak Trax. The left one started to feel funny around mile 3.5, so I stopped and one of the rubber pieces and coils had broken! I tried to loop it together, but it completely came off at mile 5.5 (the coil). So I took the left Yak Trax off and just ran with one on my right foot and none on my left. So I would slip with my left foot then regain stability on my right. That made the run… interesting. 

Has anyone else had their Yak Trax fall apart like that?

Overall though, it was a good pace for me, in the snow and cold – 10:18 mm.

Distance: 14.0 | Start Temp: 10° | End Temp: 15° | Time: 2:24:06 | Avg Pace: 10:18

Day 847 | February 12, 2012: 6 m run (easy)

My legs felt a bit tired during this run, but I felt okay overall.

Later on in the day, I noticed my weird-o bruise on my right foot moved to a pain in my ankle. Yay, fun times. I talked to my coach about it, and we are going to modify my schedule this week if necessary.

Distance: 6.0 | Start Temp: 20° | End Temp: 24° | Time: 56:04 | Avg Pace: 9:20

Week Summary: 38.5 miles

For how long have skinny jeans been trendy? Really…? I just now bought my first pair, last night, so that I would not have to fold my jeans to get my boots on. 

When we left the store, I said to Steven “Skinny jeans make me feel fat!” He humorously responded, “Isn’t that why they are called skinny jeans?” and made me laugh. 

Actually, what I meant was, when I picked up the jeans to try on, I grabbed a size 10 and 12, because I have been fitting in to size 10 lately. I even said “I am not going to buy these unless the size 10 fits!” So when I had to buy the size 12, I was annoyed. 

But oh my freakin’ gosh, who cares and what does it matter? They are jeans that fit my body! Stupid clothing size number. I am going to leave this sticker on all day and wear it proud.

Okay, not really. I am not sure if Steven would take me out in public with a sticker under my butt! Ha ha. 

Do you own skinny jeans? Do they serve any other purpose besides making it easier to wear boots over your jeans?

I keep having these frustrating, uncontrollable outbursts of anger. Something sets me off and I snap, yelling, cursing, storming around the house, slamming things, hitting things*. Generally, being a lot of fun to be around. 

Every time it happens I feel ashamed that I feel so out of control. And even more ashamed that I am dealing with feeling out of control by being even more out of control!

I’ll try to explain that last sentence – lately I feel like I have been caught in a lot of crappy situations (at work) and that I have no power to speak up for myself. When I try, I am further shut down, and ridiculed. It would be inappropriate to go in to much detail (I feel I have already said too much) but I have to say that I have been feeling like I have NO support (where it’s effective) lately, and that I cannot do anything right, despite working so hard. And I tend to stand up for myself, and the fact that I can’t (and have no one to talk to that can do anything, trust me) is making me crazy. 

Feeling out of control most hours of the week has seemed to seep in to my personal life, making me act like I am out of control – the anger, the overeating, being moody and uncooperative (to Steven). It is no wonder I shut down this week and cut off communication with people (not intentionally**).

Making this connection gives me hope that I can get out of this spiral. I’ve got to, because I am really starting to feel crappy, most of the time. I never used to think about work on the weekends, or after work, yet I am. Interestingly, I made the revelation that this was happening to me last February, around the same time. The fact that I cannot remember what the big deal was then, also gives me hope that this will all end soon.

So, kind of switching gears, I want to talk about control, and how it seems to be such a big issue for me. Internally, I seem to always need to have some feeling of control, even if it’s a facade. And the control I want seems to be focused on two things – controlling my schedule, and doing what I want to do. 

So on Monday, when my trip was canceled, and my schedule got all messed up, well, you can see why that made me crazy. I am unfortunately anal about my schedule, when I really don’t need to be. Be more liquid, right (I never said that was my goal, although maybe it should be)? Why is it that I have it set in my head what my day is going to be, and that I struggle so much when that is thrown off?***

I think part of that is because I commute. So I have to plan my day out. Wake up between 4:00-4:30. Catch the train. Work 7:00-4:30 (or 6:30-4:00), get home by 6:00, exercise or cook dinner, watch a movie with Steven, sleep. I feel like I don’t have much free time so I have to really work my schedule in to fit in the things I want to do.

And that is the other control struggle. I constantly feel like I am not getting to do the things I want to do. But if you asked me right now what I wanted to do? Well, I wouldn’t know what to tell you (except, go back to bed)! Running is always my first answer. But I think I have had a newsflash lately - running is not enough.

Yikes! It feels weird to type that out. But I think it’s true! Running cannot be my only hobby, my only “me” time! Erin and I were talking about how it appears that we have so much us-time and down-time because we work out so much, but to us, working out is something we as essential. We have to fit it in most days of the week, to feel good. We enjoy it, yes, don’t get us wrong, and it is fun, but it is not as relaxing as sitting on the couch, or meditating, or diving in to a book. 

This is getting way too long. To sum it up:

• I feel like I have no control over certain situations in my life right now
• That is making me feel out of control in other areas of my life (and making me generally unhappy)
• I have an innate need to control my schedule and get to do what I want to do
• Yet I don’t know what I want to do

Conclusion:

I need a vacation (and a break from adult responsibilities!) – that is what fixed me last year.

The good news:

I have a vacation planned to see my best friend in NYC. And I get to spend the whole day tomorrow with my best friend out here. Boo yah. 

Do you struggle with feeling in control? Or are you more easy going than me?

Thanks for reading this. I feel better after typing it out. Blogging is therapeutic for me. 

*Never people or animals.
**I feel so awful. My older brother came in to town this week and foudn out he would on Monday. He tried to text me to let me know but couldn’t get a hold of me because my phone was broken. He said “Oh, Kim must not care I am coming. That’s nice.” . He said this totally jokingly but it made me feel bad! I did see him Thursday night, after he got a hold of Steven.
***Another reason I should never have kids – I don’t know how to be flexible with my schedule at all! 

Is it just me, or do the dictionary.com definitions of introvert and extrovert seem to be… lacking?

Introvert = shy? Hmm, really? That seems too cut and dry. And definition #2 makes them just sound self-centered!

Outgoing? Social? That is it?

This is why I am asking for your definitions and which you relate to more! These are the black & white definitions I have always thought of for introverted vs extroverted in my head, but I think there is so much more going on than that. 

I keep running across references to this book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking (another possible definition – introvert – quiet?). And I keep running in to introvert/extrovert references in the research I am doing for work (office design). It’s really making me interested in doing more research on my own! But, I haven’t. So I don’t have anything to share with you yet. Except, this quiz (click link and scroll down) which will give you an idea of if you are introverted or extroverted. 

Like I said, I always thought extroverted = outgoing, always busy, full schedule, and introverted = keeping to yourself, not very social, always alone. The thing is, neither of those close-minded descriptions fit me. I am very independent and love love love my free time, but I also keep a somewhat busy social calendar, love chatting with new people, and making new friends. I am not shy at all, am rarely embarrassed and it’s hard to get me to shut up. Yet I have days, and weeks (like this one!) where I just want to chill at home with my husband, and only see my closest friends. So where do I lie on their scale? 

I would say I am mostly extroverted, with a bit of introverted in me too (Hey – peeps who know me in real life – what do you think I am?).

But, I am 13/20 for that quiz (which I highly recommend) – meaning I am more introverted. According to one quiz. Hmm. (Or maybe, ha ha)

The Gnu Bars Giveaway winner is #16, Gingerfoxxx! Gingerfoxxx, please email me your mailing address (to kilax@ilaxstudio.com) and I will get the sampler pack sent your way!

During strength class, it was not comfortable to do moves that put pressure on my right foot.

Today I can feel the irritation when I wear running shoes and walk around.

It doesn’t feel like a bone or muscle, and lo and behold, you can see the irritation on the outside of my foot.

Sock still on to hide my scary toenails

What the heck is this?

Time for you all to analyze…

And… GO!

Already someone has asked me if it’s my shoes. I thought not, but maybe it is? Also, I should note, this is not the foot I have plantar fasciitis* in (that is my left foot, and it’s been feeling good, except for a flareup last Saturday).

Oh! And edited to add: I did roll this foot when I was walking outside during my lunch break on Tuesday.

*Boo yah, spelled it right on the first try!

• My head was in outer space last week, and I accidentally sent back our unopened Netflix DVD without realizing it (I thought it was one we had already watched). I was bummed on Friday night when I found out we didn’t get to watch Contagion since I sent it back. Duh. Has anyone else ever sent back their unopened Netflix movie by accident?
• We did get to watch Contagion on Tuesday night (Netflix sent it back to us). 
• Speaking of movies, Erin had a really fun idea for a rating system if I start to do movie reviews here. Maybe I will work on that at the end of the month!
• In case Monday was not already bad enough (after the canceled trip fiasco), I decided to ruin my phone by spilling a bottle of water on my wallet, which my phone was in. Oops. Actually, this doesn’t bother me too much – I was feeling anti-social anyway. The only bad part is that my phone was my MP3 player!
• The good news – I did take the canceled trip as a cue to take it easy and did not schedule any extra lunches, or evening plans this week. I have felt like I’ve had more free time. 
• Binge free February did not start out so well. I am really struggling and don’t like talking about it. I actually bought a food journal - something that has never worked for me in the past, but I am willing to give it another try! The journal came yesterday. It has a huge instruction section with weight loss tips, and it even comes with “stickers to conceal that you are using a diet journal” (see cover sticker that says that). I find the stickers very humorous. 

• Kind of related: I thought this article on mindful eating and Buddhism to be interesting. Put  your fork down between bites, think about what you are eating – so simple, but hard for me.
• Did I mention I have an assistant at work? But only when I work from home:

• What do you guys think of my “Random Thoughts Thursday” posts? This is just where I put all the little ideas that don’t deserve a whole post… but then it does get quite long!

Link Love:

• I loved Maggie’s post yesterday – “I’m Doing This For Me” – about the people in her life who question her running (is she running too much/why does she run so much/does she have time to run/etc.?!). Lately I have talked to a lot of people who are getting these types of comments about their running. It always surprises me when people are not happy for you when you tell them you are exercising.
• Gina finished the C25K program and can run for three whole miles! Check out her post here. I am so proud of Gina!!!

Other Random Thoughts Thursday Posts: IX, VIII, VII, VI, V, IV, III, II, I.

Seems obvious, right?

This article made me think of my post on online identities (and also about how happy Facebook pictures making you sad), because the study recommends for people who “lack self-confidence” to “accentuate the positive”:

“We do not advocate being inauthentic,” the authors write. But if social networkers who lack self-confidence want to use Facebook to get around their social anxieties, they might want to accentuate the positive. “Rather than posting phony positive updates, [those with low self-esteem] might try sharing more of the positive things that do happen to them, and try being selective about what negative things they post.”

They also point out that people who think positively of themselves and post “discouraged, sad or angry” statuses from time to time, are “swarmed with expressions of comfort and support.” And that people who think negatively of themselves, but post something upbeat, they are “similarly rewarded with electronic expressions of friendship.”

Four thoughts came to my mind when I read this article:

1. People who are moody (or lacking self esteem) in real life are going to be that way on Facebook too. Their Facebook friends probably already know this. Let them be themselves.
2. If someone is always moody in real life, I will probably avoid them (this is not to say I won’t be kind to a someone who has self-esteem issues, but I am not going to purposefully spend my time with someone who is not fun to be around). So yeah, if they act that way all the time on Facebook, I will avoid them there too.
3. Let’s not confuse sarcasm with pessimism.
4. This article seems to imply that people are trying to make friends on Facebook. And that you should post upbeat/optimistic status updates to do so. Who is trying to make NEW friends on Facebook? Really – anyone? I use it to connect to people I already know or have met, and share information. In MWF Skeeing BFF, the author quotes a Times interview from 2007 where Mark Zuckerberg says that Facebook was never intended to help create new friends – it’s about “making communication more efficient between existing friends.” Of course, that was 5 years ago, so who knows what the intent of Facebook is now.

What kind of Facebook statuses turn you off? Do you notice anyone who is particularly negative all the time?

Do you regularly post status updates? About what?

I rarely post Facebook status updates. It’s not my thing. I am more likely to write something short and post it here.

I wanted to link to this post by TooTallFritz – where she emphasizes she would rather have people be real online about their struggles in life, rather than saying everything is all good, all the time. I think I tend to agree. You are more relatable if you are real. Share the good and the bad. 

And wow. They taste so so good.

There are seven flavors, of which I have tried and love five: Chocolate Brownie, Cinnamon Raisin, Lemon Ginger, Orange Cranberry, and Peanut Butter. I have not tried Espresso Chip (don’t like coffee) or Banana Walnut (don’t care for tree nuts).

Image credit here

The Gnu Bars are advertised as being fiber bars – each bar has 12 grams of fiber. I don’t need more fiber in my diet, but really enjoy the flavor and texture of these, so I have been having one from time to time.  At only 130 calories they make a great snack, and they are chewy and a bit dense – the way I like bars/cookies.

I haven’t seen these bars in the stores (maybe at Whole Foods?) and thought maybe some of you have not seen them either, so I ordered 7 more for one of you to sample!

Gnu Bars Giveaway Rules

1. One reader will receive one of each flavor of Gnu Bar: Chocolate Brownie, Cinnamon Raisin, Lemon Ginger, Orange Cranberry, Peanut Butter, Espresso Chip and Banana Walnut.
2. Required to enter the giveaway: tell me which Gnu Bar flavor you are most excited to try.  
3. This giveaway is open until 5:00 PM CST on Thursday February 9. I will use random.org to select the winner. I will announce the winner on Friday February 10. 
4. This giveaway is open to all readers.