I know, it is really hard to decide on just one! We’ve seen Robin Williams’ and Jerry Seinfeld’s comedy routines, we’ve gone to Wicked and I swear I have seen The Phantom of the Opera and A Christmas Carol at least twice each. We’ve also been to a few cool orchestra concerts, and I have been to see a few bands.

Overall, I suppose my favorite was seeing Van Halen with my parents (and roommate’s boyfriend) when I was in college. There was just so much energy in the show! I left the concert feeling super pumped (and went back to my studio to work on some stupid project after my parents left).

You know, I have had this question stored as a draft for a long time. I wanted to ask it, but didn’t have my own answer! I love to throw away/give away/donate things, so it took me awhile to come up with something. But I figured it out when I was reading Marcia’s post questioning whether or not she should get rid of her running clothes.

One thing I should get rid of, but probably never will, is my running bibs!

After a race, I tape the bib (and sometimes medal!) up on a wall in my closet. Then I print out a picture to put next to the bib. When I get dressed in the morning, I feel inspired looking at them!

But, what is going to happen when I fill up the wall? Move on to the ceiling?!

As I mentioned on Monday, most of our Chicago friends are bloggers!  So, yes – they have turned into “in real life” friends!

And I don’t consider them any different than friends we have met more conventionally. In fact, I dare say that bloggers are easier to keep in touch with – they’re more likely to respond to email, and of course, you communicate through your blogs.

I’m not saying it’s a replacement for meeting friends more conventionally (maybe this is a conventional method, who knows), but that for me, it turns into a more sustainable friendship. The question is, does the friendship remain when one person quits blogging? Hmm…

I’ve told everyone about my blog, except coworkers, so I am pretty open about sharing how I’ve met people (except with coworkers). You can really tell when people “don’t get it” though! It’s the same people who ask “why would you want to write a blog?” and look at you with blank stares.

There was a story in the March issue of Women’s Health about an author who was going to a party to celebrate the publication of her first book. On the way to the party, she ran into a famous columnist – Maureen Dowd – in the airport. She got up the nerve to ask Dowd to attend her party and Dowd accepted and attended, and the two developed a relationship. The author wrote:

I shudder to think of what an awesome connection I would have missed making had I not worked up the nerve to approach Maureen. But all too often, fear gets in the way of bravery. Think about it: When was the last time you asked for something with big risks and potentially big consequences? The kind of ask that can make your heart pound and your palms sweat, such as asking for a promotion, asking for forgiveness, or—scariest of all—asking a guy out on a date?

I love that! Don’t let fear get in the way of bravery! And I have to include the last two paragraphs of the article:

As with most things in life, the more you do something, the easier it becomes. So start small and build up to the Big Ask. When my family and I go to a restaurant and don’t like our table, I’m the one who asks to move. I ask for directions and for advice from strangers. I even ask to use the discount-club card of the person standing next to me in the line at the grocery store if I’ve forgotten mine.

Here are a few things I’ve learned about asking: The minute you’re afraid to ask for something is when you should do it. It’s nice to offer something in return, even if it’s just a compliment or a kind gesture. It also helps to take a few deep breaths and imagine the worst possible outcome. Usually, it’s simply getting a no, which is not exactly life threatening. Whether the result is life changing (like it was with Maureen Dowd) or disappointing, asking is always a significant accomplishment. Because if you ask me, it’s the questions in life—not the answers—that really count.

I AM an asker. When I want something, I do ask for it. Sure, I get the nerves and the pounding-heart, but I know it would bother me more in the end, NOT to have asked*, then to hear “no” or not reach a solution by asking.

I mentioned on Monday, I have asked for items to give away here. Many have said no or not gotten back to me. But I kept at it, and received that awesome necklace to give away.

At my last job, I found myself frequently talking to my bosses about company policy and how their decisions affected me. I know that seems bold, or maybe out of place, but to me, it felt better to get things off my chest. Now, I commonly find myself being the “voice for the group,” when other people don’t want to speak up.

I either lack a filter I should have, or am simply not shy. But I cannot remember a time when asking has caused me any harm!

*A few months ago Erin and I had lunch out, and the waiter threw away my leftovers instead of boxing them up like I asked. I didn’t want to… get nasty (let’s say) in front of Erin, so I didn’t ask for a refund. I wish I would have. That was effin’ bs and I am still pissed about it.

Confession – I stole the idea for this Friday question directly from this article – “6 Personality Traits to Admire and Acquire.” The author talks about how she’s always writing articles about negative personalities, so why not cover some of the positive ones? You know, those people you just feel wonderful around, and bring out the best in you.

The six personality traits listed in the article are:

1. Selflessness
2. Tolerance
3. Genuineness
4. Sensitivity
5. Integrity
6. Humility

What a great list. Most of those traits focus on considering others – which I think so many people don’t do. Just think of how different people would act if they first considered how their actions affect others!

Anyway, I would add to the list:

1. kindness
2. generous
3. open-minded (similar to tolerance)
4. hard-working
5. enthusiastic
6. fun-loving

Our neighbors are like this. They’re incredibly generous and loving to everyone. We feel lucky to know people like them! Too bad they are moving to New Mexico. I’m really sad for us, but very happy for them at the same time.

This question is inspired by Stef’s Wednesday post. Check out her post for the full context, but this part stuck with me:

It saddens me to know that many people still consider it to be cowardly to seek treatment for mental health problems. Like some of the other commenters said, mental health should be no different than physical health. If I had cancer, would people tell me to just use my willpower to fight off the disease? Would it be shameful or “cowardly” to get chemotherapy? Doubtful.

I instantly thought about one of Jillian Michaels’ podcasts - she was talking about how we have coaches for sports, and mentors at work, but there is still a stigma behind therapy, when really, it’s just a “life coach.” She said we should ALL have life coaches. I really love that comparison.

And that is how I think about therapy now – as coaching, or guidance. It’s someone you talk to, who is able to look at your situation from a different perspective. Sometimes you need this outside perspective, sometimes you can see it on your own. But either way, there is nothing wrong with seeking help. We all get in bad places from time to time, and are not always able to pull ourselves out on our own.

I have had 50/50 luck with my three therapy experiences. I had an awful therapist my sophomore year of college. I was dealing with the stress of just getting into the grueling architecture program, and she didn’t really listen to me, or give me any useful feedback. I quit seeing her.

During my junior year of college, I was still dealing with anxiety, and really connected with my second therapist (I believe making that connection with the therapist is so important – if you don’t feel it, it’s not going to work), and was making a lot of progress… but then we had a meeting with my parents and she told them something I specifically asked her NOT to. So, I didn’t trust her anymore (you can read more about that time in my life here – I discuss an anxiety drug she put me on).

My last therapy experience (last summer/fall) went really well, and I felt like she helped me see things in my life from a different perspective, and help me balance out my moods a bit more and NOT strive for perfection (I’m just a little bit Type A!*).

So, I do find therapy helpful, but it is kind of about what YOU bring to it. And since I tend to get there and just SPILL it all out, I think that has helped me.

Do you want to hear my thoughts on my last therapy experience? Click “continue reading” to read more…

Do I need a therapist, or a friend?

Before I read Stef’s post, for whatever reason, I had been thinking about the therapist I was seeing in the summer/fall of last year. At the last meeting I had with her, she told me to set up an appointment whenever I felt like I needed to talk to her… and I haven’t. For the last four months.

And it’s not that I wasn’t benefiting from our sessions – I was! She helped me tackle a lot of problems differently than I ever would have before. She helped me get through a huge funk.

However, the more I think about it, the more I feel like I was paying someone to be my friend. I got myself into that funk by shutting off from people. And during my therapy session, I would go there, with my list of things that were bugging me, let them all out, and feel better.

You don’t have to pay someone for that, right? You are supposed to have friends you can bitch to? You know, a friend you can just let it all out to, and they won’t judge you, then you can laugh about it? A friend who knows when you complain about someone, that you are just complaining because you need to complain? That it doesn’t mean anything about that person?

Yeah…

I see friends so infrequently, that when I DO complain about something, or even just talk about something negatively, I feel like I am not projecting who I am. I feel like I am appearing unhappy, when really, I just want to vent (in person**) to a friend I can trust!

So, my therapist ended up being my “friend” and the issue I really wanted to talk about – my emotional eating - was not discussed as much as I wanted. Not that I was hiding from it. I wanted to tell someone EVERYTHING. But, right before our first session, my life majorly shifted, and I ended up talking to her about those changes, when maybe, I could have talked to a friend.

*From wikipedia: Type A individuals can be described as impatient, time-conscious, concerned about their status, highly competitive, ambitious, business-like, aggressive, having difficulty relaxing; and are sometimes disliked by individuals with Type B personalities for the way that they’re always rushing. They are often high-achieving workaholics who multi-task, drive themselves with deadlines, and are unhappy about delays. Because of these characteristics, Type A individuals are often described as “stress junkies.” Type B individuals, in contrast, are described as patient, relaxed, and easy-going, generally lacking any sense of urgency. Because of these characteristics, Type B individuals are often described as apathetic and disengaged. There is also a Type AB mixed profile for people who cannot be clearly categorized.

**I do have a lot of email buddies that I trust and write to, but it is not the same!

This week I was talking to Erin about how I wanted to make a saffron couscous dish but decided not to when I saw that saffron was about $10 for a freaking teaspoon. In fact, I could not even tell how much saffron was in the jar. It was a normal, tall glass spice jar, but it just had this teeny little black bag in it. Ooo… how much is in the little black bag?!?!?!

I told Erin it will be nice when I am older, have more money saved up, and don’t have to fret over buying a $10 jar of spices.

So, of course, this got me thinking… what hobbies would I really get into if I didn’t have to worry about the money?

• Cooking with lots of different, exotic foods/spices
• Travel (DUH!)
• Skydiving (solo!)



• Target Shooting
• Scuba Diving
• Photography*
• Yoga*
• Pampering Myself* (spa, massages, regular haircuts)

I wonder if we will share any of the same things on our lists!

*Hard to know, since I cannot afford to get into them NOW.

I got used to dining alone when I lived by myself in Rome. I mostly ate at home, but every once in awhile, I would get a small meal for myself and sit and eat it in the restaurant. It is completely different there though! Sitting and eating in a restaurant in Rome means sitting outside in the sun, watching the Italians and tourists in their daily activities.

Now, I only eat alone in restaurants if I am traveling for work. I like it. It’s nice to sit down and relax for a bit, and not have to talk to anyone. The only problem is that I tend to eat even faster, since I am not talking to anyone.

I think a lot of people don’t like eating alone in restaurants, hence the article “How not to feel humiliated when dining alone.” The article gives 8 tips on how to make dining alone more pleasurable:

1. Be Bookish – come with reading material
2. Try the Bar – eat at the bar with other singletons
3. Exude Confidence – be proud of the fact you’re eating alone
4. Eavesdrop - tune in to other conversations for fun
5. Befriend Your Blackberry
6. Go, Team!- get involved by watching sports
7. Think Like a Food Critic – pretend you are reviewing the restaurant
8. Life is Short, Enjoy the Steak Tofu – relax and enjoy yourself

What tips would you add? Here is my tip – don’t force yourself to eat alone in a restaurant if you don’t want to!

Here is what I am trying to figure out – how you all do it. So many bloggers I read say they plan out their meals for the week (that was a big tip on last week’s Friday Question) – it saves them time, money (they can stick to a shopping list), and helps them stay on a healthy diet. Maybe the question should be:

How the hell do you know what you will want to eat a week (or a few days) in advance?

Seriously! Steven and I have list of meals we rotate through (in no particular order), but some nights, we don’t know what we want to eat. We have to discuss it. We have certain staples we keep in the pantry that allow us to make dishes on the fly. And we do tend to cook more over the weekend so we can use the leftovers during the week, but we never sit down and plan out our (dinner) meals. It’s more like a phone call (or email) at 5:00 pm – “Thai sound good?” or “How about pizza tonight?!”

I do tend to eat the same thing for breakfast and a rotate through similar items for lunch. I guess I am assuming people are talking about planning their dinners?

Note: After writing this, I read Kara’s post on the same topic! She is setting a goal to start meal planning. Check out her post!

Two Mondays ago, I mentioned that we cut back on spending in 2009, and Chez Julie asked me to share some of my tips. What a great idea!

I have a lot of tips and I bet commenters will too – so don’t feel bad if you can’t read them all – PLEASE SHARE your ideas!

I broke my tips into three categories: Shopping, Entertainment and General. Click “more” to read (skim, really) on.

Shopping Tips for Reducing Spending:

• First things first – cut out unnecessary luxuries - for us, this was bottled water. We used to use one new bottle of water a day, and we started using reusable water bottles instead. Better on the pocketbook AND environment! For other people, this may include something like cutting back on the daily Starbucks and making coffee at home, or buying soda in bulk instead of from a vending machine.
• Figure out where to buy the most economical necessities – we started shopping more at ALDI. We used to do all of our shopping at Super Target. I think we save at least $50 a week by shopping at ALDI. And if you have one of those stores where you have to have a “club card” to get the items at a discounted price, you are probably not getting the best deal overall. We have Dominick’s, Meier and Jewell Osco out here, but have compared prices and they are more expensive on everything.
• Try the “off brand,” it’s probably less costly – related to the last tip. We thought we would hate the ALDI “off brand” food, but it is fine! We mostly buy produce there anyway.
• Buy in bulk when it’s a great sale – when we see an item we purchase regularly on a heavy discount, we buy it in bulk, saving us money (and time) in the long run.
• Use coupons and watch for good deals – I like to use coupons.com to see if any of the things we buy are on sale at Target before we go there. We also look at the ads to watch for items to go on sale. And, I am not sure if other stores do this, but sometimes Target will have a deal that if you buy 2 or 3 of an item they will give you a $5 giftcard. In December, we saw that the paper towels we like were on sale for $10 each (normally $15). If you bought two you got the $5 giftcard. Score!

Entertainment Tips for Reducing Spending:

• Instead of meeting friends for dinner, host dinner in your home
• When meeting friends for lunch, bring your own – my friends know I do this ALL THE TIME. You save money, eat a healthier lunch, and still get to chat!
• Look for coupons for things you like to do – Steven and I never go bowling unless we have a coupon. If you sign up at Brunswick, you get coupons once or twice a month. Instead of paying $5 a game, we pay $1.29!
• Use Giftcards – ask for giftcards for birthdays and holidays if you can! At my office, we have a rewards program, and I use it to get movie giftcards.
• Make small sacrifices in quality to get something for less – we found a theater that sells $4 tickets! It is not as nice as a normal theater, but it saves us about $20 a trip!
• Use Netflix instead of Pay-Per-View or going to the movies – if you watch a lot of movies like we do, Netflix is VERY economical!
• Stop paying to run races - look for those you can run based on a donation, or just run for fun (this one was hard).
• Volunteer – it can be fun
• Look for free events – watch for speakers at your library or find a website like Explore Chicago (but local for your area) that showcases events (both free and not free).
• Visit local parks/forest preserves for fun – we have a massive forest preserve system out here, and there is so much to do!
• Take classes at a community center instead of at a gym
• Use the office gym, instead of paying for a separate membership – if you can, of course.
• Go to the library instead of buying new books (or borrow from a friend!)
• Choose a vacation location somewhere where you can stay with friends or family
• Travel in the off-season
• TRY NEW THINGS AT HOME! - we love cooking and trying new things at home… I think we like it better than eating out!

General Tips for Reducing Spending:

• See if you can cut back with your bills – we looked into our Verizon bill to see if it made sense to switch to a smaller plan. Ironically, we found out we were on a great plan that is grandfathered in and we would be screwing ourselves if we changed it. Ha ha. We tried!
• Stop using credit cards – only use them in an emergency.
• Pay off higher interest bills first
• Develop a monthly budget and stick to it – it will help to see where you are actually spending your money!
• Save money by working from home – this may not be an option for everyone, but since Steven works from home, we are saving money on gas, insurance and I-PASS. In 2011, I will be allowed to work from home one day a week and this should help a tiny bit (my work already pays for my transportation to work).
• Look into pre-tax pay deductions at work – some offices offer programs where you can take money out of your paycheck pre-taxes and use it for transportation or hospital bills.

And I believe you should  SPLURGE A LITTLE BIT and treat yourself everyone once in awhile! To stay sane!