For how long have skinny jeans been trendy? Really…? I just now bought my first pair, last night, so that I would not have to fold my jeans to get my boots on. 

When we left the store, I said to Steven “Skinny jeans make me feel fat!” He humorously responded, “Isn’t that why they are called skinny jeans?” and made me laugh. 

Actually, what I meant was, when I picked up the jeans to try on, I grabbed a size 10 and 12, because I have been fitting in to size 10 lately. I even said “I am not going to buy these unless the size 10 fits!” So when I had to buy the size 12, I was annoyed. 

But oh my freakin’ gosh, who cares and what does it matter? They are jeans that fit my body! Stupid clothing size number. I am going to leave this sticker on all day and wear it proud.

Okay, not really. I am not sure if Steven would take me out in public with a sticker under my butt! Ha ha. 

Do you own skinny jeans? Do they serve any other purpose besides making it easier to wear boots over your jeans?

• My head was in outer space last week, and I accidentally sent back our unopened Netflix DVD without realizing it (I thought it was one we had already watched). I was bummed on Friday night when I found out we didn’t get to watch Contagion since I sent it back. Duh. Has anyone else ever sent back their unopened Netflix movie by accident?
• We did get to watch Contagion on Tuesday night (Netflix sent it back to us). 
• Speaking of movies, Erin had a really fun idea for a rating system if I start to do movie reviews here. Maybe I will work on that at the end of the month!
• In case Monday was not already bad enough (after the canceled trip fiasco), I decided to ruin my phone by spilling a bottle of water on my wallet, which my phone was in. Oops. Actually, this doesn’t bother me too much – I was feeling anti-social anyway. The only bad part is that my phone was my MP3 player!
• The good news – I did take the canceled trip as a cue to take it easy and did not schedule any extra lunches, or evening plans this week. I have felt like I’ve had more free time. 
• Binge free February did not start out so well. I am really struggling and don’t like talking about it. I actually bought a food journal - something that has never worked for me in the past, but I am willing to give it another try! The journal came yesterday. It has a huge instruction section with weight loss tips, and it even comes with “stickers to conceal that you are using a diet journal” (see cover sticker that says that). I find the stickers very humorous. 

• Kind of related: I thought this article on mindful eating and Buddhism to be interesting. Put  your fork down between bites, think about what you are eating – so simple, but hard for me.
• Did I mention I have an assistant at work? But only when I work from home:

• What do you guys think of my “Random Thoughts Thursday” posts? This is just where I put all the little ideas that don’t deserve a whole post… but then it does get quite long!

Link Love:

• I loved Maggie’s post yesterday – “I’m Doing This For Me” – about the people in her life who question her running (is she running too much/why does she run so much/does she have time to run/etc.?!). Lately I have talked to a lot of people who are getting these types of comments about their running. It always surprises me when people are not happy for you when you tell them you are exercising.
• Gina finished the C25K program and can run for three whole miles! Check out her post here. I am so proud of Gina!!!

Other Random Thoughts Thursday Posts: IX, VIII, VII, VI, V, IV, III, II, I.

Seriously though, I was leaving Brian’s studio last night, and thought about how I would likely not do any of the strength moves he has me try unless I was working with him. Before we started working together, I would do The 30 Day Shred from time to time. Then I met him for the first time last January and he gave me (and the rest of the club people in attendance) a little book of exercises. I used that for awhile. But I was not doing this:

What is that? I don’t recall the name of the piece of equipment but I thought it was fun. And tough. And you guys remember I work for the CIA, right? I decided to wear my bullet proof vest to our session:

Just kidding! That is a 10-lb weighted vest that I wore for the last half of our session. Brian said something like, “I don’t ever want you to gain back the weight you have lost, but here is a reminder of what it used to feel like” (he said it more cool and eloquent than that of course). 

What is the point of all this babbling? Well, I was just thinking – I have been taking Brian’s strength class on and off since March 1, 2011, and working with him personally since May 26, 2011 (first session June 3, 2011)- and it has made a huge improvement on my overall fitness level and how I feel. And here is the strange thing:

I really, really, really like doing strength training now. 

I never did it before because I thought it was boring and I didn’t get a high from it, like I do from running. But I leave a strength session now feeling energetic and strong. I LOVE IT!

What do you do for strength training?

Are you motivated enough to do it on your own, or do you have to take a class/use a trainer like I do?

Have you guys seen “Shit Women Say to Personal Trainers”? Kind of funny. I don’t think I have said any of that stuff though. Have you?

*Alright, I do get myself to kickboxing and on the bike trainer from time to time. On my own.

• Congrats to everyone who signed up for the Chicago Marathon! It’s an amazing race! I did not sign up. I am not planning on signing up for a marathon until I get to a healthy weight and keep it off for awhile. That does not mean I am not doing long runs – I am just not training for a marathon.
• For dinner last night Steven made BBQ Soy Curls! They were so good and easy to make! I think even I could make them (if you are new to my blog, you should know that my husband does all the cooking). All Steven did was let the soy curls soak in water, then saute them with BBQ sauce. 

• Data has been so needy and talkative (more than normal) since we got back from Kansas City. I think he actually missed us!

Also, this post is about binge eating – if you find that triggering, please skip this post!

I ate so much snacky food Saturday afternoon that I could not finish my dinner – my stomach hurt that bad (and it was vegan masala that I really wanted to finish – from a restaurant in Kansas City that also serves meat, hmm, imagine that).

I was really upset by this – not that I couldn’t finish dinner – but that I was so full I physically hurt. I felt dizzy and light-headed and my stomach ached. That had not happened to me in a long time. I had been doing so well with my eating. Sure, I had little mini binges on food now and then, but nothing that made me feel this way.

It’s not carrots I am binging on!

I need to figure this out NOW before it gets out of control or I am going to forever be in a cycle of lose weight/gain weight, up and down.

I am going to try to go the entire 29 days of February without binge eating, and see what happens from there. And binge eating is not to be confused with overeating or indulging – I am okay with those things. Binge eating is described as (from wikipedia):

Binge eating is a pattern of disordered eating which consists of episodes of uncontrollable eating. It is sometimes as a symptom of binge eating disorder or compulsive overeating disorder. During such binges, a person rapidly consumes an excessive amount of food. Most people who have eating binges try to hide this behavior from others, and often feel ashamed about being overweight or depressed about their overeating.

When I binge eat, I feel out of control, like I cannot stop putting food in my mouth. It usually starts with a craving for something sweet, then salty, then sweet, then salty, until I eat enough that my stomach hurts and I feel confused and dazed that it all just happened. 

Generally, I don’t like making monthly goals. But I am putting this out there for accountability. So feel free to ask me how it’s going. Or not!

(I do think I will put a little widget on the side to track my binge free days Updated to add – I took this down because it was not helping me)

Hey! Let’s celebrate something cool! I ran 142 miles in January! In January of 2011, I ran less – 86.8. The running year is off to an awesome start! Maybe I won’t have any months under 100 miles this year. That would be cool. But I want to be smart. So I won’t make that a goal. 

Also, I am NOT fishing for compliments here – just sharing my thoughts and hoping to hear yours.

I like to think that I have a great relationship with my body. In fact, I sometimes think it’s too great – too lax. All of these years that I have been up and down in weight (and I mean, drastically up and down) I have been really easy on myself. I didn’t worry about my weight too much. I wasn’t too embarrassed. I was annoyed when clothes were tight, but I still went out in my swimming suit. I even posed for pictures!

Lately I have been trying to eat healthy and keep working out. I want to get to a healthy weight and stay there. This is a lot different than my “whatever” attitude of before! I hope it sticks. 

Anyway, Brian had new shirts designed for his Business (Essential Fitness Now) and gave us all one during our Wednesday strength class. We all posed for pictures, and I was really looking forward to seeing them. I have lost a bit of weight and was feeling slim and thought I might look nice. 

GRC friend, Bobbi, GRC friend and me

I was so shocked when I saw the picture and all I thought was “My legs are so big compared to everyone else’s!” and “I look like I have a belly roll!”

What. The. Hell. Where did these thoughts come from? I have NEVER compared myself to other people in this unhealthy way before. Sure, I have said “I look nothing like my sister – she is taller and slimmer than me,” but I never had thoughts like this that made me feel bad. My best friend is a lot slimmer than me, and I have a ton of pictures of us together, but I have never thought anything of it. It just is what it is. 

I was SHOCKED that I had these thoughts, and really ashamed of myself. And ashamed that they were upsetting me. That is so so lame. 

I thought about it more, and it kind of feels like making excuses, but I have such a different body type than the people in the picture. I am larger and more muscular. I will never bee teeny tiny. And I don’t want to be!

But why did I have these thoughts? Why now? This is really kind of bugging me.

Do you struggle with comparing your image to other people’s?

And what is even more stupid is that these ladies are so cool and supportive and not competitive or judgmental about weight at all. It’s such a great environment to be in. Before class, they were even telling me how nice I look. So what is my deal?! I hate that those thoughts were in my head. 

• How does it make you feel when people comment on the fact that you have lost weight? I am always really surprised that people pay close enough attention to me to notice something like that. I see myself in a mirror each day and don’t notice it at all. And I hardly ever notice it on other people. 
• Does your Driver’s License have your weight on it? On Saturday I was telling two of my girlfriends how excited I was that my real weight matched my Driver’s License weight and they were appalled that my weight was on my Driver’s License at all! Ha ha. 
• I thought this short article, The Six Stages of Weight-Loss Grief from Shape was funny. I can relate to most of those, but especially #4, Faux Concern – when people start to say you are way too skinny. That is NOT happening to me now, but the summer I was my thinnest ever (that lasted a month, and I was a healthy weight, I just couldn’t figure out how to not eat my emotions (still can’t)) I got a few comments from people saying they thought I was way too skinny. I wasn’t. They were just used to seeing me heavier. Man, that drove me crazy!
• Last week I acquired three pairs of boots. Nice boots for work, snow boots, and rain boots! Thankfully I got some Christmas money. And of course, you know my personal shopper (ERIN!) helped me out! Do you have all of those types of boots? I have really big calves (17″ circumference) and the first pair fit me awesomely, over jeans, with room to spare. So if you have big calves too (holla!*) check out the link.

  

One of my fave pics of the two of us

• A coworker mentioned that one of her New Year’s resolutions was to be “more liquid.” I was all “huh?” so she explained it means to go with the flow, be more accepting to change. That is a very cool way to say it. And a good goal. I am kind of a brat when I don’t get my way (at home anyway – I try to behave in public). Have you heard that saying before? Are you very liquid?
• Would you believe Steven is in Miami and asked me if I wanted to come this weekend and I declined? I decided traveling to Iowa last weekend and KC at the end of the month would be too much travel. Yes. I am an old lady. Picture of the ocean from his hotel:

• Speaking of being an old lady, I actually purchased, on purpose, dorky holiday earrings for next year. Who wants to make a reservation now to take me as their holiday party date? Don’t all ask at once!

• Since I am totally cool, I traveled with my scale to Iowa, to keep my eating in check this weekend. Lame? Yes. Did I gain any weight while I was there? NO. And that made me feel good. For once, I did not overdo it (too much) while visiting family. 

• I really liked Abbi’s post, Consistently Inconsistent, about her struggles with deciding which animal products to consume. Check it out!
• I met a local blogger for lunch on Monday – Losing Lindy. Check out her blog! She is a beginning runner, fellow Chicagoland-ian, and has a 4-year-old son.  
• Carol has a great post, Faith & Pay Off, about how difficult it is to eat healthy when we don’t see immediate results. 
• Sunny wrote a really interesting post, Fear of Parenting, about her fears of becoming a foster parent. I hope some of you parents click on over to give her some input! I didn’t have any, but she raised some very interesting questions. 
• My close friend Jen has a guest post on Fitnessista’s blog about her birth story. Check it out here!
• And in case you missed it last week, Erin wrote a really cool post, Balance, about being the best version of herself in 2012. 

That does not seem like much food. To me, anyway. 

Now, to his credit, he did say he enjoys homemade bread with honey and butter as a treat. And this guy probably weighs less than me, so there’s that… but yeah. That’s all I can come up with. 

I think it’s really interesting to see what elite marathoners eat, and get a glimpse in to their lives. But really? I struggle with seeing too much of what other people eat (on blogs) – I know it helps hold some people accountable, but for me, it becomes a comparison, and I really don’t need that. We’re all on our own food journey, and I cannot look at someone else’s daily eats without thinking how I ate more. So I avoid that. And I am not talking about sharing recipes, or “look at this awesome cupcake,” but food diaries. 

Oops. This turned into a food post. It was supposed to be a running post. Hey! What happened?!

Let me talk about something I can relate to, also from the same issue of Runner’s World. There was a short article about finding the perfect running partner. The criteria in the article was obvious and basic, but I did like the last section of the article (read here) about running buddy bonds. Update - link to the RW article here. 

I’ve noticed, and I am sure many of you runners have too, that there is a tendency to open up to one another when running, and feel like you can say anything. This short blurb (three paragraphs) touched on that, saying “cortisol is low, so stress is low” and “endorphins are flowing, so your guard is down.” You feel relaxed, and like you can speak freely. Also, there is the whole interesting dynamic of not facing the person you are talking to, so you are talking forward, which may also be more freeing.

As usual, I am butchering what I read and not quite getting my thoughts out, but maybe someone out there knows what I am talking about. Maybe I should explain it to you during a run? 

When you read blog posts about what other people eat (like a meal diary) do you compare yourself to them? Do you find it helpful or harmful*?

Do you feel like you can open up with your running buddies? Why do you think that is?

I feel like one of the reasons Erin and I have such a strong relationship is because we spent countless hours running together! And the weekly lunch dates. And sometimes weekend dates. Oh, and all those emails… ha ha. 

*And I am not saying it’s bad to share what you eat. Just that personally, I should not look at it, because I am not in a healthy state of mind, food-wise. I am getting there!

Can you name that Chicago public art piece? WHOA! I look tired today!

Also, since I am talking about scarves (yet again) here is a fun one I picked up at a cute little shop in Kenosha on Sunday. 

It has all these little circular punch-throughs on it.

The funny thing is, I thought I was doing the pretzel knot in this picture. In the store on Sunday, Gina and I saw instructions for the pretzel knot and couldn’t figure it out, so the sales ladies helped us. Well, they showed us wrong. I wrapped it around my neck once, then tied it, then pulled one end up and through from the bottom and one end up and through from the top. It looked cute but wasn’t the pretzel knot! I showed it to my coworker then she showed me how to do it right. Ha ha. 

Side note: This is totally unrelated, but I am really happy I got in to the NYC Marathon before they started changing their registration policy! If you click on the link, you’ll see they’re doing away with guaranteed entry for three-time declined lottery applicants, and significantly decreasing qualifying finishing times (my age group is a 3:00 marathon or 1:27 half!). I don’t think these changes are bad, I am just happy I got in for this year!

Side note 2: I saw this short article on the importance of exercise being fun. There wasn’t much to the article, but it linked to this funny French commercial, which makes me laugh! WARNING: Video may be NSFW.

Side note 3: I can run marathons, but going up the stairs leaves me out of breath every time. LAME.