ilaxSTUDIO.com

I never thought the term “retail therapy” applied to me. Even though I have spent a few lunch breaks walking up and down State Street, wandering in and out of stores I had visited only a week or so before… I just thought I was looking for “essentials” for my work wardrobe.

Right.

Now that I have cut back on that (really, I have most of what I need) I realize that shopping was just a replacement for what I used to do during my lunch break to get away from work stress for awhile - eat eat EAT!

Don’t worry - I didn’t waste a lot of money, or even spend that many days at the stores, I just realized when I was out there, I wasn’t really looking for anything in particular. I was just looking for a mental break.

For a few months, I have been eating my lunch at my desk. Every day.

I hate this. It makes me feel anti-social. And it doesn’t really count as a mental break. Even if I am sitting there, reading email or blogs, or whatever.

Somedays, I don’t even leave the floor of my building.

Which must be why I liked going to shops. It just got me out of the building. And may be why I would run around outside looking for treats, before I started my healthy lifestyle quest.

We have a “break room.” But you know what? I can’t eat in there. I can’t sit still, and watch people eat their lunch. Without craving something more than mine. I am not starving myself, but I am grazing - I eat small things throughout the day. It actually feels great. But sitting down, and seeing someone eat so much more, along with trying to make small chat - I can’t do it. It makes me all nervous and antsy and depressed. It affects my ENTIRE day.

And I can’t take my small lunch back there and make it last very long. I already eat fast, and I am not eating much. So put those two together - why even go back there?

When I lived and worked in Rome, I did this as well. Only, we HAD to leave the office during lunch. So I would walk around and see the sights, eating my small lunch. Why can’t I do that here?

Yeah, ideally, I wouldn’t be this werid about food.

Okay, okay, I LOVE that I can just get up and run 2-3 miles on any given weeknight, and feel totally refreshed, and not even that tired afterward.

BUT. All of the jiggling fat on my butt and upper legs is becoming a bit distracting when I am running. I feel like I have a butt… full of pudding. Big, sludgy pudding that moves up and down with every step.

It’s time. It’s time to finally get serious about strength training/toning.

Tomorrow.

(After… I get all of your toning moves advice? Lunges? Right?)

When, if ever, I am going to NOT feel guilty about taking a day off from exercise?

I know. I need to let my body rest. And I know. I should probably do some strength training, and go easy on the cardiovascular.

But I can’t get over the guilt.

Most days, I really crave the exercise. I feel like it completes my day. But every once in awhile, I just want to relax. I don’t want to scarf down my dinner, rush to put on my exercise clothes and race out the door. I want to get home, eat a slow(er) dinner, maybe sit on the couch, play Rock Band, play with Data, actually talk to my husband…

I don’t want to feel guilty for meeting a friend for dinner instead of going home to exercise. I don’t want to feel guilty when we have to run errands on a weeknight, and it’s too late to exercise when we finally get home. I don’t want to stress out about when we are going to get exercise in when we have house guests.

I just want to accept that I did or did not exercise the day before… and get on with my day. And not dwell on it.

With time. Let’s hope, with time.

(Part of me kind of feels like I should apologize for blogging about the same themes… for such an extended period of time in a row. But, I’m not going to, because it makes me feel better to get it out there. I’ll just say - I hope I’m not boring you too much).

Everyone’s bodies are affected differently by weight loss/gain, but I always lose/gain weight in the same area first.

Can you guess what it is?

I’ll give you a hint: I’ve already dropped two sizes there.

From a D to a B.

Yeah.

I didn’t believe the Victoria’s Secret salesperson helping me in the dressing room. She took my measurements, and gleefully said, “Yep, you’re a B!”

I later asked Steven if he heard me scream, “A B?!” from the dressing room. I guess the music was too loud for him to hear me though (that, and he was too busy feeling disturbed by all the teeny-boppers there buying lacy bras and thongs).

I didn’t believe the salesperson. And I was so frustrated at that point (by the ridiculous amount of people there and the nauseating fragrance area), I just grabbed a B-size bra, bought it, and left. I was sure when I got home, it wouldn’t fit, and I would have to take and back and say, “See! I am at least a C!”

Nope. It fit perfectly.

Which means I need to make an investment in some new bras. And hope that I don’t lose any more weight in that area.

Tell me - when you lose (or gain) weight, where do you first see results?

I must say that I loved suze’s post “discovering my inner fashionista” - probably because I am thinking around the same lines right now. Please read it when you get the chance.

Suze writes about how she never thought fashion was accessible to herself, being a larger woman. She disregarded it and considered those concerned with fashion to be “vapid and shallow.”

But then she realized that there were fashionable pieces available to her. She started taking more time in her appearance, and realized that her size didn’t matter. Taking care of her image made her feel better, overall.

I can’t believe how close this is to what I am feeling. I ignored fashion, and wore the same slacks and button-down shirts for more than a year – just because I was overweight and didn’t feel like taking care of myself.

Once I started eating healthy and exercising, something just clicked in me, and I wanted to start dressing nicer, wearing my hair nicer, and being more coordinated in general. I find myself picking up fashion magazines, actually LOOKING at the ads and fashion spreads and magazines, and imaging how certain outfits would look on me.

And like suze, I thought all of this was ridiculous, vain and shallow. But now I realize how much better it makes me feel to be “put together.” I understand impressing other people isn’t the only reason to care about how you look - it’s really about feeling good being yourself. Yes, I want the my colleagues and clients to think I look decent, but putting more effort into myself… makes me a better version of myself. I am more confident and more cheerful.

Even as I write this, I feel a little uneasy. I think that’s because caring about fashion goes against everything I have programmed myself to believe, as a larger woman. But I am ready to fight that. Thanks for sharing it too, suze.

(Unfortunately, “caring about fashion/style” hasn’t been easy on my pocket book! I’ve even added a new “fashion” category here, so I can start sharing some of my favorite fashion items with you)

Today was our 5K!

Before the race…

… and after!

Our neighbors came to cheer us on and took a few photos. It’s always nice to have someone there to cheer you on through the finish line! (And I should write an entire post about how wonderful these neighbors are - a husband, wife and daughter. They actually live in our neighborhood, not next door.)

Two of our neighbors and us

We’ve been running in the dark, most weeknights, around 8:00. It’s the earliest we can get outside to run. I was thinking this race would be easier than our night runs - we would actually be able to see where we were running. BUT, it was a lot hotter than when we’ve been running, since we’ve been running at night. It was about 80 degrees, and I think it is normally 65 (or less!) when we practice. I had a hard time breathing. I am kind of disappointed in that. I am happy Steven was there to push me and keep me going.

Oh well. Our finish time was 29:00! That’s encouraging enough that we may sign up for a few more 5Ks in September/October, or maybe even train for a 10K!

Quite a few people showed up for the race! It’s always fun with a lot of people there!

Running up the last hill. Check out my… “muscular” legs.

I always try to sprint the end!

Are you a creature of habit, food wise? Do you eat the same thing everyday? Are there any foods/drinks, you feel like you have to consume on a daily basis? Or… do you like some variety?

Since I am on the “healthy lifestyle” quest, I am very conscious of what I consume everyday. I generally eat a rotation of the same food groups each day - vegetables, whole grains, fruit, (soy) protein - but I try to eat a different variety within that group each day so that I don’t get bored with it.

I have to have carbohydrates everyday though - I could never give them up. I like to “graze” - eating small snacks throughout the day, rather than typical “meals,” to keep my metabolism up. I finish with a medium-sized dinner. I don’t feel like there is one food I must have on a daily basis though, except warm oatmeal at work for breakfast. It makes starting the work day so much more pleasant for me.

You know, I really hate being this conscious of food, and what I am eating all the time. It makes dining out a TOTAL headache. BUT - I am trying to enjoy life and enjoy food. I am trying not to feel guilty if I eat something that is a lot higher in calories than I normally would. And I am hoping that this will all become more natural with time. I mean, it has to!

When people find out that Steven and I are vegetarians, or when it comes up in conversation, a very typical response is, “I’m practically a vegetarian myself! I rarely eat meat!”

It gets so old.

I understand why people say it – they’re trying to relate to us. They’re trying to make us feel welcome. They’re trying to make us comfortable. They’re trying to make us like them. I appreciate all of this.

But – when I’ve seen you wolf down an entire plate of ribs / 10 pieces of bacon / a huge steak / half of a Thanksgiving turkey, I know you are not “practically a vegetarian.” Especially if I’ve never seen you eat a meal without meat in it.

This all sounds judgmental. But, it all honesty, I don’t give a crap who eats meat and who doesn’t (although I do notice). I dated Steven for 3 years before he became a vegetarian, and it never bothered me. I even made cold cut meat sandwiches for him to take to work. And we served prime rib at our wedding (with a vegetarian option, of course).

If you don’t bother me about not eating meat, why the hell should I bother you? Unless you’re shoving your meat dish in my face, harassing me, I don’t give a crap.

A few weekends ago, we met a friend of my uncle while having dinner at my Grandma’s. The friend’s response to finding out we’re vegetarian was surprisingly refreshing:

“I think I would just die if I couldn’t eat meat!”

Side Note: Even though it’s been 7 years since the 9/11 attacks, I still get a huge lump in my throat when I see the photos/videos. I guess some things hurt for a lifetime.

Did you hear about the Chicago-area woman who held a “Battle of the Bridesmaids” 5K to decide on the bridesmaids for her wedding? (Article here)

The race, and her wedding, were both last Saturday. Seventy-five people (men and women) showed up for the race. The top three female finishers got to be bridesmaids - they were fitted for their dresses on the spot. Surprisingly, the bride knew the three women from other races.

My two thoughts were: Why would this woman want strangers in her wedding party? and Why would a woman want to be a bridesmaids in a stranger’s wedding? But hey, to each their own! It was an interesting story.

Steven and I signed up for a 5K in September - but we don’t have to be in a stranger’s wedding if we place in one of the top three spots (ha!).

We have monthly “birthday celebrations” in my office during the months that the staff has birthdays. The company orders treats and we all sit around in the conference room, chatting for about 30 minutes (or more!) while enjoying the treats. It’s actually a nice break, to just sit and chat with everyone. I think of it as a morale booster.

Sometimes the company orders individual treats, like drinks from Starbucks (bleh), and sometimes they order one big thing, like a coffee cake.

You may recall that I am on a “healthy lifestyle” quest. Whenever they order individual treats, I try to order something healthy or low in calories, like a fruit cup or a diet soda.

Today was the August celebration (duh) and our receptionist/secretary/all-star came up to me and said, “I’m going to order that cinnamon-cake thing from Corner Bakery. Do you want a fruit cup, since you are so being so good [healthy-eating wise]?”

She didn’t say it meanly – she was being nice. She noticed I’ve been watching what I eat, and actually asked me if I wanted an alternate item for the birthday celebration. I thought it was very nice that she provided that option for me, because some people are actually pretty mean when you are eating healthy. They become “food pushers” who want you to eat what they are eating or what they are making. I’m happy no one in my office is like that.

But damn, that cake smelled good when I was sitting there eating my fruit cup!

And a little bit of housekeeping… called “How I Blog.” (more…)