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By kilax, March 29, 2018 6:25 am

• It came to my attention yesterday when chatting with some coworkers, that my experience of searching for a hidden Easter basket, left by the Easter Bunny, may be a bit of an anomaly. Most people I talked to said their basket was left out in plain sight! The Easter Bunny always hid ours. How about you (if you got one)? Poll below!

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Last year’s basket

• I finished Hanna Who Fell from the Sky. Man, the whole second half of the book, I was just dying to know whether or not she was going to leave that horrible town! It definitely kept my interest! There was an interesting story at the end, from the author, about writing the book. He got the idea for it back in 2004 and wrote out a draft. Many years later, he got a concussion and couldn’t speak or read for almost a year. When he finally could again, he would work on the book, for an hour or so each day, as much as his head could handle, until he finished it (it was published in late 2017). The author is fully recovered now. And he was so inspired by Hanna’s character, he named his daughter Hanna – well before the book was published!
• Now I’m reading The French Girl. Yep, definitely addicted to going to the library. I love having something to read. It feels like such an indulgent treat!

• Cape Horn Illustrations made us some note cards and envelope labels with our house illustration on them! I love stuff like this and can’t wait to use them!

• I feel like I’ve just been going through the motions at work for some time, and subsequently, that feeling is leaking over to the rest of life. Blah. My silly 5K training is giving me something to focus on and work toward outside of work, but I need more than that. I’m working on it!

Link to Random Thoughts Thursday 172

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By kilax, March 12, 2018 6:06 am

Despite this post making it seem that way!

I’m just in tune with when I need more quiet time than social time, and that’s how this month has started, and I’m feeling good, because of it!

So, yeah – another (mostly) quiet weekend!

Friday got off to an awesome start when I checked the mail and the newest Runner’s World had my favorite runner – Shalane Flanagan!!! – on the cover!

I had to immediately text fellow Shalane-lover, xaarlin, about the cover

Updated April 3rd – link to article here

I’ve followed her career for a long time and love that she’s been in the news so much after winning the New York City Marathon. And I especially love her platform of encouraging and supporting her fellow women training partners to be their best and how that also makes her her best. <—Said poorly (what a surprise!), so read more about that here (pdf version here).

Side note: the state of the magazine industry makes me sad. Each issue of Runner’s World seems thinner than the previous one. This issue has a printed article of something I read online from them in August (the article is slightly different). It also has an  announcement that this is the editor-in-chief’s last issue (I think she was the editor-in-chief for a year or less?). Despite my complaints about Runner’s World I do still read it, and prefer to read magazines in print, but it doesn’t feel like I will be doing that much longer, with most of their content being online now. Who knows.

Back to Friday – I had dinner with Steven and Troy, then they went to a concert. I enjoyed visiting with them when they got back.

On Saturday I ran with Rachel! Then ran an errand and spent some much needed downtime with Steven – we hadn’t seen each other much all week. I took a nap (woot!) while Steven worked then we went out for dinner and picked up Murder on the Orient Express to watch.

This Mexican restaurant near us added a completely vegan menu a couple of months ago!

Steven had an early meeting on Sunday, and I am hoping us getting up early, and going to bed early Sunday night helps us fight the usual horrible feelings that come from switching to DST! (I still felt hella confused when it was so dark out when I got up this morning, hmm.)

Sunday was more working out, and errands. The exciting part of errands was when I randomly stopped at the Bath & Body Works outlet to see if they still had my second favorite winter candle scent on sale AND THEY HAPPENED TO HAVE MY FIRST FAVORITE SCENT OMFG (and my second one!)!!! I thought I wouldn’t get that scent again until November!!! <— very exciting moment for me (sad, I know).

I have a candle going most of the time I work from home, so I go through these kind of fast!  

And my Sunday was über exciting after that – chores and chilling with Steven. Ha. Yeah, I’m ready to reintegrate with society!

I’ve noticed me feeling the need for quiet coincided directly with going back to my old position at work. That’s because I’m frustrated almost every day by the work I do, and it makes me want to be alone after work. Conversely, It’s also because I am physically alone, working from home by myself a lot of the time. That makes me feel anti-social, which is odd, because I know what I need to help with that is meaningful connections.

So I need connections to feel better, but am so frustrated I feel like I shouldn’t be around people. Eek.

Luckily, I had and enjoyed meaningful conversations and connections with people this weekend! Now, to work on not feeling so angry during the work week that it seeps in to the rest of my life…

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By kilax, February 22, 2018 6:23 am

• Has anyone seen “Black Panther”? We were going to go last weekend, but every theater was sold out (of seats we’d sit in, anyway)! We have tickets to see it next Tuesday. I’m looking forward to it!
• I got a bit emotional yesterday at the end of the day with my detail coworkers hugging me and wishing me the best and telling me they didn’t want me to go! Thanks for reading my whining about work over the last few months. I know things will be fine, but I also need a place to express my frustration. So, thanks again!
• I picked up Dietland by Sarai Walker in the discount bin at the bookstore last week and have been enjoying it! It’s fiction, the story of Plum Kettle, an obese woman biding her time until she can have weight loss surgery. But she ends up meeting some people who challenge the way she’s been living her life and lead her to question why SHE has to change. It’s not all “ra ra, everyone is beautiful,” but more “you don’t have to conform to society’s norms.”  There’s also a subplot of a “dangerous guerrilla group terrorizing the world that mistreats women.” <— overall awesome description from, me, per usual, ha. It’s not my typical read, but I’m glad I picked it up! I’ll read The Wild Truth next. And P.S. I should really get a library card.

• How does March start next week? This month has flown by! I really need to focus on my nutrition and training in March to get ready for my April 7th 5K. I am looking forward to doing that!

Link to Random Thoughts Thursday 168

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By kilax, February 21, 2018 7:09 am

Today is my last day in my work detail. I already have an intense project lined up for when I get back to my old job tomorrow. Yay.

I thought I was feeling this way about today,

image from here

but I must be nervous about something, because I’ve had bad dreams about work the last three nights. It’s probably the dread of going back to my old job. I need to either work hard at finding something positive and good in each work day, or work hard at not caring that I don’t like the work I do. I am not sure which would be more difficult.

Whatever.

My team is doing a presentation for our branch today at work, so I had my friend Maria make cookies of the sculpture in front of our building, to share at the meeting!

Hopefully munching on those will keep people awake while we present, ha!

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By kilax, January 31, 2018 5:41 am

What a long month! January seems to be lasting forever (apparently I’m not the only one who feels that way). That’s not a bad thing though. It’s been a fun month, and I am 100% a-okay with time not flying by! But of course, I’m thinking ahead!

Here’s a few things I am looking forward to in February:

• A running date with Rachel!
• Teaching three fitness boxing classes, and one indoor cycling class.
• Valentine’s Day treats for fitness boxing class (yes, I favor them, ha).
• My parents maybe visiting to help with a house project, and take my classes!
• A massage!
• Anne and Terry visiting!
• Continuing my every day blogging streak?! Maybe?! (This post about what makes me blog more often is still true.)
• More bowling dates with Steven! We’ve been bowling more and I enjoy it. I wish we could find a league to participate in… that wasn’t a zillion weeks long. And was every other week. Ha.
• My work detail ending. That’s completely the opposite of what I’ve been saying, but after some things happened, I am ready for it to be done.
• Having another vegan donut?!

Notice what’s NOT on the list?! The Frosty Footrace! I’ll likely be there, but I just still feel so meh about it all. (Yes, I hold long grudges. Working on that. Maybe having a good race there will help!?!)

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By kilax, January 25, 2018 5:33 am

• I got more information yesterday about what’s going on at work. I’m still disappointed, but I understand it better now. I’ll share more when it’s all done (in a few months).
• The RAGBRAI route announcement party is this Saturday! We streamed it last year and it was horribly painful to watch – way too drawn out. This year, I’ll just look up the course before I go to bed. My guess is that it will go through the far south of Iowa.
• Shutterfly had an offer for a “free” (you pay for shipping) custom notebook. I love this photo of me and Steven, so I used it. It doesn’t really go with the message I put on the cover though. Ha!

• For those of you who saw the film It, what did you think of it? I was expecting it to be better, and scarier (note: I haven’t read the book or seen the mini-series). I typically don’t like movies with kids as the main characters, so that didn’t help. Eh. At least I could sleep after watching it! (Except for my usual wake up to use the bathroom then feeling wide awake happening.)
• Ha, we got this flier for the Frosty Footrace in the mail yesterday. The caption on the front page cracks me up (especially the typo). A lot of us must have complained when they changed the format last year. I’m glad they’ve changed it back! (Brief history – I’ve been doing this 5K since 2009 as a goal 5K and they changed it (after I registered) to a “2 miler” last year and the race sucked.)

• Snow has been coming in some nights to spend the night inside. He LOVES the bed. And is SOOOOO cuddly.

• It looks like I am going to be blogging for another two years – I just renewed my hosting until March 2020. I hate that I have to negotiate the rates each year. Blah.
• And now for the COMPLETELY random. I’ve been talking about nachos a lot lately. I should probably make some soon, so I shut up about them. Nachos… droooooool…

Link to Random Thoughts Thursday 164

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By kilax, January 24, 2018 6:23 am

Not about the government shutdown. Although I am a federal employee.

Has something ever upset you so much that to deal with it level headedly, you had to step back and give yourself time to calm the eff down?

I know, dumb question. How the hell else do you handle things?

It’s just that I’ve had several moments like that over the last year, so I’m thinking about it. Moments where I was so upset, I really couldn’t think or do anything about the situation. I had to give myself time to calm down. Let my heart rate come down. Let that “I may throw up” feeling stop. I had to wait to deal with it until I wasn’t filled with firey rage just thinking about it.

Okay, that last part may be a bit of an exaggeration. Ha.

But I have to shut down on the situation, until I calm down. It’s not uncommon for me to say “I need time to calm down” or “I can’t talk about it right now,” and it’s not that I’m avoiding it. I just need to be less angry. Then approach it with less emotion involved.

This happened to me Monday, with something work related. I was so shocked I didn’t know whether to cry or throw up. Ugh. I felt horrible.

But I am proud of how I handled it. I didn’t take it out on anyone. I talked to Steven, my snis, and friends for support. I went on a run. I wrote an angry inappropriate blog post and waited until today to publish this (and not the other one). I didn’t binge eat (<—- that’s a big one).

I feel like such an adult.

An angry, screwed over one (who feels slightly better today).

Unrelated photo of our snow dump from Monday night! I was so proud of myself for doing all the snow blowing, even though it looked horrible because the ground was so soft under the snow and dirt flew everywhere.

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By kilax, January 18, 2018 6:23 am

• When we were in KC this weekend, my snister gave me a mirror they had that no longer fits with the decor of their house, but I think will look great above the table in our foyer. I am excited to hang it!!! <— much adulting.
• Also, when we were in KC, I had to get a photo of me and mom (and Steven, ha) wearing our Holiday Mile Challenge tees and medals! Mom enjoyed the challenge, and wants to keep walking, and do the Chocoholic 5K this year!

• I was bummed we couldn’t watch the Summer Olympics in 2016 (we don’t have a cable account to log in to watch them stream), so we ordered an antenna and tuner to see if we can get a signal to watch some of the Winter Olympics in February. I hope it works! We’re equidistant from Milwaukee and Chicago, and kind of in a dead-zone, reception-wise, but this antenna is supposed to have a far range! We’ll see…
• A space I designed is actually being built, as I designed it (mostly), on the floor I work on now! That’s exciting for me!

Link to Random Thoughts Thursday 163

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By kilax, January 11, 2018 6:51 am

• EXCITING NEWS! After all my whining (mostly on here), I found out at the end of the day yesterday that my detail is being extended by thirty days! Yay! That gives me enough time to finish some of the projects I started with my team. And my bosses said they will discuss it again at the end of those thirty days. Thanks for reading/listening, and your input and support! I apologize for being mopey AF, but I did NOT know what was going on with it, and I was starting to feel frantic.
• Besides the Chewie and the porgs poster, Andrew also got me this framed comic from Poorly Drawn Lines I had asked for. Gah, it makes me laugh every time I look at it!

• I hung said Chewie and the porgs poster up! I wonder how long until Steven asks me to take it down. Ha!

• We still have all our holiday cards up in the kitchen. I think I’ll take them down when we start getting Valentine’s Day cards…

• And speaking of Valentine’s Day! I found my favorite candy in the grocery store (it’s kind of hard to find). Yay! I bought six bags, and the cashier says to me “where’s all this going?” I rubbed my belly and said “right here.” Muah ha ha ha.

Link to Random Thoughts Thursday 162

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By kilax, January 10, 2018 6:23 am

That saying – fake it till you make it – needs some caveats:

• Stop faking it if it eats away at your soul!
• Stop faking it if it makes you FAKE/disingenuous!
• Don’t confuse building your character by faking it with building tolerance toward something you hate

Yeah.

There’s a reason I asked Santa for the “Live What You Love” mantraband!

I’m a broken record, but to reiterate, I am not looking forward to going back to my old work position, because I don’t care for the work anymore (it’s changed a lot since I started), and for other reasons. I greatly enjoyed the work in my detail position. And it’s not because it’s new and different. It’s because it suits me.

I didn’t have to fake it at work while I was in the detail.

Ahh, and it was so refreshing.

The dread of going back to my old position is seeping in now, and really getting me down. And I hate that I am letting that happen! But I hate to think I have to go back to faking it, every day at work, trying to like something that doesn’t suit me. Being nice to people who are arseholes to me. Always being friendly, even though I’m fed up. It’s draiiiiiiiiiiiiining.

So, I am saying no to “faking it.”

I’m just not quite sure what that means yet…