I decided my quiet day will have to be tomorrow (I have the day off) or this weekend. We have some fun activities planned – Farmers Market, baking cookies, running, maybe bowling – I should be able to find relaxation and calm!

I was trying to explain to Steven the other day that I think my new* job has made me more “vocal.” That’s not exactly the right word, but I’ll explain.

I am in more of a project manager position now. It’s not my title, but it’s what I do. I’ve been finding that I need to speak up a lot more lately, to keep things in the best interest for my company and our clients.

But I’ve found some side effects to my “vocality,” and I am not sure if they are positive or negative.

At work, I’ve been a bit short with a couple of people. I don’t want to go into much detail about that, but I feel like I should be nicer, and give people the benefit of the doubt… even when I feel like they really, REALLY have not earned it.

At home, I’ve been more “direct” when dealing with companies. I let the Nissan Customer Service department know exactly** what I thought of their service on Saturday. I told the Sun-Times I was canceling my subscription because they couldn’t get their act together. I argued with the dentist about why my bills are coming to my home in MY HUSBAND’S NAME when we don’t share insurance.

On the plus side, I feel good saying what I want to say and not playing any games. But I know I am coming off as a bitch***. And I don’t want to be the bitchy demanding customer, because Steven works with customers like that most days, and I see what it does to him.

But here’s the thing. I don’t want to waste any time. I feel more and more pressed for time EVERY day. I am struggling with it so much right now, and I think that has a lot to do with what I wrote about yesterday. So if I can cut through a lot of bullcrap by being direct and honest, why not do it?

I just need to sound sweet and nice. And – make it clear that I don’t want to be rude, impolite, or nasty. I just want to be direct and honest, and get to the point.

As a side note, there are a few personal relationships I have, where I wish I could be this direct and honest. Instead of playing their games.

I am really honest with my parents (and my husband, of course). I think about that a lot. They get the 100% version of me. Nothing’s fake. I tell it like I see it to them. I think I am too honest sometimes. But in my most important relationships, why not show myself exactly as I am? What would be the point of doing otherwise? Facades are too much upkeep and stress.

*Can I still call it new if I’ve been working there since 12/8/08?
**Yes, it felt good to tell them I went and bought an Infiniti after I left their showroom and crappy offer behind.
***Steven cofirmed this.

I ask, because this seems to happen to us ALL THE TIME. We do the bulk of our grocery and non-grocery shopping at Target, and they seem to be a bit inconsistent with the items they stock. We’ll try something new, fall in love with it, buy it for 6 months or so… then it’s just gone one day.

They’ve gotten a little better, but I think what we have been dreading is true – they are no longer carrying the Nueva Cocina Mexican Rice Mix – something that has become a staple in our “Mexican” dinner nights.

At first, the shelf for the rice was empty, but the tag was still there. So we figured they just needed to stock it. But then, we kept checking for a month or two, and it was never stocked. Then last time, the tag was gone.

We’re pretty upset..

How silly, right? Why don’t we try something else, or even try to make it ourselves? I’m sure we will resort to that if we must. It’s just that when you buy a product, and you really start to love it, you hate to replace it.

For now, we’ll probably search a few other grocery stores, or maybe even buy it on amazon (which seems very, very strange to me).

Update: I just got back from shopping at Target, and guess what? They stopped carrying our favorite stick margarine, Imperial. I wonder what Steven will say about this… Oh, and P.S. I stopped at two other grocery stores and didn’t find our rice mix. Wah!