It’s admirable that you know what you want and aren’t afraid to ask for it.
It’s inspiring that you’re brave enough to tell people when they’ve made you unhappy or disappointed you.
But…
… all the time?
Being around someone who is constantly unhappy kind of… kills the “admirable” and “inspiring” bit.
Just a general thought. This isn’t directed towards anyone who reads this blog.
Hi! I'm Kim, a 34-year-old living in Chicagoland with my husband, Steven, and our cats, Khali, Apollo, and Starbuck. I work in the design industry (architecture), follow a vegan lifestyle, am addicted to running, and am an ACE certified personal trainer (working at Essential Fitness, LLC ("Efit"))! I write about a variety of topics, and consider this a "life" blog - a place I can share anything that's on my mind. Please visit the "About" page to get a better idea of who I am! :-)
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Um, yeah. People need to come to peace with the truth that the world is an imperfect place. And if you can’t find happiness in it, the people around you might seek their happiness elsewhere.
Nilsa – Perfectly said. I just wonder – how do these people who are so determined to be unhappy live with themselves? Do they enjoy life AT ALL?
Yeah, some people take the assertiveness and honesty idea just a hair too far, huh? And/or forget to temper it with a sense of the polite, appropriate.
Catherine – YES. POLITENESS. And don’t forget tact.
I agree with you. (I just got back from class, so my brain is still on overdrive and I apologize in advance if this comment is excessively wordy!) I know my own blog can be quite negative sometimes, mostly because I tend to use it as a “ranting place” when I’m fed up with politics or various other issues. However, in my personal, every day life, I really strive for happiness and contentedness and the whole “looking on the bright side” thing. Yes, random people can be a-holes, but mostly I just focus on the people (and pets) in my life that I love and the things about my life that I love. I’m also a firm believer in honesty, but there’s definitely a difference (and sometimes a fine line) between being honest but respectful at the same time, and being honest and a jerk at the same time. I always try to ask myself how I would feel hearing what I am about to say to someone (and I have an annoying tendency to do this with really mundane things, like, “will it sound obnoxious if I ask Andrew to go get me Diet Coke” or whatever). Anyway, I have known some people who are just consistently unhappy and morose and negative about EVERYTHING, and I wonder how tiring it must be for them to be that way all the freaking time.
PS – Congratulations on your nephew and the weight loss! If we make it back up to Chicago or you guys come down here, we should go shopping! 🙂
I’m all for assertiveness and naming feelings but some people use it more as a passive aggressive way to manipulate people.
I think that people that tend to be bold and vociferous in the positive areas also tend to be the same way in the negative. I have to watch my whining constantly, mostly because I think aloud. I once worked with someone who was always mad at the world and it made me realize that no one needs to hear that!
I used to always be mad at the world until I realized I had some control over how I felt. What a difference can be made when someone just attempts to “be” happy or to not dwell on negative things. And it is very draining to be around a person who is unhappy and negative all the time. I feel for them because I wish they could see the light and enjoy some happiness too but I don’t want to be around them too much. I want my nieces and nephews to know that they have a choice in how they feel and what their disposition will be.
Oh yeah. I can relate. I actually cut ties with a friend like this. It’s energy-sapping to be around someone like this.
I couldn’t agree more!
Hi kim…do you have face book? and if so u should add me! haha
Megan – I think that your blog can be whatever you want it to be! If people don’t realize that your blog is NOT a 100% representation of everything you are, then those people aren’t even worth worrying about. And about the honesty thing – I LOVE honesty, but a lot of people say it with that jerky attitude. And I wonder the same thing – how tired they must be from being an asshole all the time.
sizzle – Exactly. Where do people learn that? Is it just natural to them?!
Hilly – It’s hard to be around someone who is mad all the time. Their energy just brings you down! It’s okay to bitch in person from time and time, and all the time on a blog (for all I care), but once I have to be around someone who is constantly upset… I just can’t take it. I always wonder “what’s it gonna be [bothering them] today?” then I start to avoid them…
teeni – You know, they say that just forcing yourself to smile can make you feel happier. Isn’t that crazy?!
marissa – Did you explain it to the friend? Or just let it die off?
Lisa – You must speak from experience with these people as well 😉
Danielle – I am on there.
Indeed… One secondary reason I quit my first job out of college was because for as much respect as I had for my technical lead technically as a developer and as a critical-thinking systems analyst, and for as much as I learned from him, he was also the most-idealistic (even in his mid-30s), unhappy, disappointed person… all.. the… time.
That attitude is great for producing a high-quality product, because nothing less than perfection will satisfy such a person. But it seems also to tend to produce a high-stress, bleak environment for their colleagues…
I’ve seen people with similarly-perfectionist streaks who are also optimists, and are probably just as common in IT as the pessimists. These people also bug me because they consistently fail to think deeply-enough to see why their plans are flawed (the pessimists over-analyze, while the optimists under-analyze)… Still, those are the people whose shortsightedness occasionally produces something innovative. Each type have their place…
Me, I tend to be a perfectionist too (though business demands invariably prevent anything even approaching perfection from being possible) – but I try to straddle the pessimist/optimist fence (admittedly still leaning pessimistic), and choose my critical battles. :-/
E – It’s the most awful in the work environment, because even accomplishments can be made to feel like failures. I’m happy you got out of the first place! Although, I don’t doubt that you will run into a few more of these types, even the optimist ones 😉
Are you sure you don’t work where I work? Cuz I know exactly who you are talking about! (It’s–usually–not me)
Cat. – Ha ha. It must just be a very common characteristic of coworkers!