The one-on-one you vs. the group you
Awhile ago I spent some one-on-one time with someone I usually avoid when we’re in large groups together because our personalities clash*. Much to my surprise, I enjoyed our one-on-one time. I found they acted much differently than when we’re in a group together** – it was like they had another personality altogether.
Whoever knew Bobbi and I could get along so well? Ha ha ha ha ha. Totally joking around. She’s not the person of which I am thinking.
This interaction made me wonder how common this is. Of course, people are going to act differently depending on who they’re with, how many people they are with, their mood for the day… and so on. And some people are naturally more comfortable one-on-one than with a group of people. But have you ever noticed what seems like a complete personality shift in someone depending on how many people are around?
I know that if I’m with a group of people, my level of obnoxious-ness highly increases. And my goofiness. I can be more serious one-on-one (though I’m usually not). But there are definitely situations when I try my hardest not to act like myself in a group because that would get me in trouble. Ha ha ha.
*i.e. I can’t stand them
**Or maybe it was ME acting differently!
Themocracy
I definitely have noticed this in a lot of people in the past. I’m personally quieter/shyer when it comes to a group of more than 4 or more people. I’m more comfortable in a smaller setting too!
Interesting. I notice that sometimes I misjudge people if I only know them in a group setting and don’t know them on a more personal level. I recall a girl in high school whom I always thought was a major bitch. Turns out I was right but I liked her a lot more when we became (good) friends and I knew the bitchiness wasn’t directed at me (or perceived that way). Does that make sense?
That totally makes sense. Sometimes you have to get to know someone to see what their attitude or demeanor really means!
You are definitely more serious at work than during a race! 🙂
You don’t know how relieved it makes me feel to read that 🙂
Absolutely. I introduced my best friend to a new friend I met at the gym. They really hit it off. The only problem is that when they are together they are absolutely obnoxious. I like them both when we are alone, but I can’t stand hanging out with both of them.
Ha! I am laughing because I might be guilty of that (okay, I totally am around my BiL. My husband hates it). What do they do?
I totally agree with you on this post. I am really quiet when I am in large groups because I tend to be quiet and observe.
I have a family member that is always friendly and we get along great when we talk on the phone or are just one-on-one. However, when she gets in a large group of my friends (aka ppl she doesn’t really know), she comes off very stand-off-ish and snobby. Many of my friends don’t get along with her for this same reason. It made for an interesting wedding (and showers and bachelorette party, etc.) I think I act the same in a group or one-on-one.
And don’t you wish you could blog about that stuff? 😉
I notice that some of my shy friends don’t do well in large groups but are perfectly amusing and chatty one-on-one. I’m pretty much the same big group or solo but I do try to tone down my boisterousness when I’m in a small group. I don’t want to be known as a bulldozer!
I think some people just try too hard when they’re in a group, you know? And that can make them irritating or annoying. As if the group allows them to say or do whatever they want but when they’re just one-on-one with someone they know to tone it down.
Ahh yes. That is probably me. Is that who you were thinking of? 🙂
I feel like I’m quieter when in a group. I feel like I can’t get a word in sometimes. Haha!
I hate that feeling! I felt like that all this week. Someone ask about meeeeeeeeee!!!! Instead I am (in my mind) a polite listener.
I’ve definitely met people in a group setting that I thought I wouldn’t like, but enjoyed much more in a one-on-one setting. I also think I’m guilty of changing my personality in a group. Depending on how well I know people, I feel like I can be very quiet to overly loud and (slightly) obnoxious. If you introduce alcohol into the picture, I’m pretty much guaranteed to be obnoxiously loud.
You know I find that some days people (ie me) is sometimes “off”. I get super nervous before a large crowd or a single person. I am at my best in a small group.
Such a great topic, and I’ve reflected about this a lot because I feel like I can be very different depending on the setting. I do wish I could show certain sides of myself more in certain situations (e.g. I wish I could be more confident at work). In general I think I’m much more outgoing one-on-one, and tend to be more reserved in large groups.
Ah, this rings so true to me! When most people meet me in a group setting, I’m crazy quiet and they think I’m bored/mean/other negative things. If they meet me one on one, they usually find me hard to read, but I’m much more talkative, etc, and they don’t believe that I’m so quiet!