Responsible commenting
= annoying commenting?
Have you ever read a blog post by someone and gotten a feeling that something isn’t right, but the blogger is trying to push it aside? Maybe they are an athlete who is injured, but pushing through the pain and potentially making it worse. Or they obsess about food and give hints of an eating disorder. Or maybe they talk about feeling alone and you think maybe they are depressed and headed to a dark place. You feel concerned.
I know. We’re not doctors. We’re not nutritionists. We’re not therapists.
And it’s so easy to read it to someone’s story online. They choose what to share. We don’t have the full picture.
But sometimes I see these hints of something. Something that makes me worry about this person. Because if I read their blog, and comment on it, I care about them. Even if I don’t know them in real life.
I was thinking about this, as I saw a post (from someone who does not read this blog, nor is it a blog I comment on) where someone casually mentioned a serious issue in the middle of all the text.
But the post seemed to be written in such a way to minimize that issue. So most of the responses were “way to go” comments on the content of the rest of the post.
And that is the great thing about blogging – we can totally try to direct the conversation in a certain way. We can minimize what we want to. We can leave details out. We can pretend. We can make up any story.
But I can’t overlook that little blurb about the issue. I read it, and alarms go off.
And I can’t help but say something. So is that responsible commenting? Ha ha. Or is that just me, being annoying, and butting in?
Because why else would the person share it?
Yeah, I am probably reading in to things way too much, but as I had run across these feeling many times before, I thought I would put it out there.
When you see something you personally think is a sign of a bigger issue do you comment about that? Or are you actually able to “mind your own business”?*
*But why would people write it, if not to have people comment on it, discuss it (if comments are open)?
Themocracy
I think that 1. People try to play things down in a public forum, maybe to protect themselves? And 2. Since it is a public forum, it kinda invites everyone to give their two cents. (So comment away!). But what do I know, I’m crazy 🙂
I love your crazy 😉
I think people DO try to protect themselves. But, must be reaching out if they want to mention it. I guess we all kind of forget that anyone can read, even if they are not commenting. So something that feels like a private journal might be much more than that!
Damn that was a fast turnaround! 🙂
1. I tend to chicken out on saying what should be said when it seems the person has a mental illness.
2. Unless I know the person “well enough” I probably wouldn’t say something anymore. The one time I said something where Blogger X was clearly wrong, they tried to spin it and looked like even more of a goofus than before. I don’t read her anymore.
3. This is the time of year people are deep into marathon training (I mean what kind of blogger isn’t training for a marathon right now? Jk) and the more I get bored an read blogs, the more I’m all WTF is wrong with some of these people. They obviously are displaying signs of overtraining and potential serious (take 3 months off) kind of injury and they are all “I’m going to get my goal” and all the commenters are all “you go and get that. Keep kicking but. Strong is the new skinny. You only regret the workout you don’t do!” And I sink back in my chair and cringe at the stupidity.
So. After #2 happened, I just don’t care to say anything anymore, unless its someone I’ve had dialogue with before.
I always wonder what the full story is. I don’t post every detail about my training or life so people might have different view of me than what I actually am.
Although I have a great support system of my Daad, and other runner friends with whom I discuss my training in detail (I’m sure they are sick of me) and I get honest feedback.
TWSS? Ha ha.
Re #1 – what should be said? I have said things before like, “It sounds like these are some issues that would help to talk out with a therapist”… but what more can we say?
Re #2 – what constitutes knowing them “well enough”? Just curious 🙂
And yeah. It’s mostly #3 that I see. Like… I have been there and gotten injured for stupid crap and I hate to see people do it now, you know? I feel bad to say “we all have to learn the hard way.” Because I don’t think people should have to go through 3 months off for stupid rookie mistakes! (or not even rookie)
I wonder if some of them could actually want people to catch it and want the attention/drama?
I do think that some people minimize it and wonder (hope?) someone will comment!
Even I have minimized things that I want to share but don’t want to put a ton of emphasis on! They aren’t usually things that are wrong with me though. You all know what is wrong with me. Ha. I will dedicate posts to that!
So I am firstly going to apologize in advance, as this comment may be lengthy but you really hit a topic that is near and dear to my heart.
I am having a hard time finding a place to start-so I will simply start by saying if you are concerned about someone-it is VITAL that you ask if they are ok. Something in their blog made you stop and think…worry…and in my mind, this means that person is trying to reach out.
Pardon again, me getting all personal etc, but I have lost family member(s) and several friends to suicide.
I was the last call one of those friends made-and although it was nearly 12 years ago, the words the officer asked me, “Why didn’t you call someone?” will forever resound in my head and cause more acid build up in my stomach than I care to admit.
I thought, “nah” he’s fine…he’s just having a bad day. We ended our conversation on a seemingly peaceful note with him calm, and me satisfied everything was ok.
The next day-he took his own life.
This is just ONE example of things I have encountered, and I am since learned, ALWAYS show your concern to someone who is reaching out-no matter if their venue is a phone call, or a public blog post.
Something struck a nerve for you to blog about this…I’d say ask…
I do apologize if this is WAY off base, but I just had to share.
The one time you say, “oh they just want the attention” could very well be the time THEY DO need the attention.
My two cents.
I am so sorry you have had that happen so many times in your life. That is hard. And I imagine it would haunt you forever?
And yeah. That is what I am getting at with this post. I do say something. I can’t NOT.
I have a really hard time commenting that I’m concerned unless I really know the individual. It’s so hard to know what is really going on vs. what is just being portrayed on the blog. Unfortunately, over training and eating issues are not uncommon in “blog world” and sometimes it can be hard to decipher between someone actually having an issue and someone trying to mimic via writing style a blogger that they look up to that has the same issue.
I think the best thing to do is try to comment with genuine concern so you don’t offend someone or come across as judgmental. This is something I’d like to work on with blogging and in real life!
Oh gosh, hells yes to being able to do it in both places! I have been thinking A LOT lately about how I approach things differently depending on who it’s with. Some people are so sensitive! You are more likely to know this if you are friends irl, but it can be hard to tell online!
I can’t wait to read the comments on this post…
and how rude of you to write about ME!
I was honest with you. I told you you needed to rest and get rid of that cold. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH
Is there a way that you can send a private message to the blogger so your comment about the serious issue isn’t displayed to any of the blogger’s other readers? Perhaps it was buried as not to call attention to it. But… it could also be a cry for help.
Personally, if I’m doing something wrong and/ or could possibly do more hard then good to myself with my training & running, I’d like to know about it. Then again, that’s just me… others could be offended.
I hope you are able to make peace with this situation soon!
You are right. I should do the private message if it’s a big concern! Thanks for reminding me of that!
I could tell right away from your blog that you are open to feedback. You rock 🙂
And I just realized I missed your last post! Must go comment on how cute Waveland is!
You should definitely write a follow up post to let us know what happens!
Honestly, I doubt there will be any follow-up. I unintentionally saw this blog, and don’t have ANY relationship with the blogger. Just glancing at their past posts, it seems they are someone to keep pushing themself and not listen to their body or anyone else. If it was someone whose blog I regularly read, I would leave a comment/write an email in a heartbeat. But I think this person is on a mission to push their body to the ground with no one to stop them. 🙁
Ah, that all makes sense. Good call on no follow up. Yes, it does suck to read about people totally overdoing it. The body can only handle so much.
I think it is very tricky. If you follow a blog for awhile you feel like you really know the person and start to care about them. BUT, really you only know what this person chooses to share, so you may be missing something totally critical. I know I always welcome any sort of comments, even if they are critical or concerned, but some people only seem receptive to the “you are awesome, way to go” type feedback.
Or they get so used to that type of feedback that anything else seems like an attack!
I agree that you could try and contact the person outside their blog via email and just straight up say “I read your post and was a bit concerned about X. But I don’t know what’s going on in your life outside of your blog so if I’m totally off-base please let me know!”
That way you have indicated that something seemed concerning but also give the person the chance to respond/explain in a not-so-public forum. And if they never respond? Well, at least you know you voiced your concerns. And that’s really all we can do in the online world. Unless you know other people who ARE closer or more friendly with the person in question and then you can go to them and see if they have noticed anything.
This one really made me think as well. I have only reached out to a blogger once, and I sent her a private email, asking if she was ok. She was vague about the issue (didn’t really want to get into it, it seemed) but appreciated the concern. But I do read TONS of blogs where I find troubling content and because I don’t know them, I rarely say anything. This makes me wonder if I should, though…
You had such a good response to the first time you did it! I think you should keep going 🙂
Hm, I agree on the above- maybe a private message would be better? Or if you know them, call?
And, I honestly think it would be hard for your comments to come off the wrong way, so don’t worry about that. You can always tell you’re genuine and well meaning. 🙂
I can’t believe I didn’t think to private message, even though I have with someone else before.
Aww, thanks! 🙂
Hmmm, that’s a tricky one for sure.
I think sometimes people need people like you to say something. Even if it was written that way, sometimes that is their way of asking for help, without asking for help. If that makes sense…
I think you should say something, even in a private message, at least they’d know you care.
If I ever sound like I’m going off the deep end, please say something!!!
Well, I did want to mention that I am worried you haven’t been posting much about oreos!
HA!!! I always have Oreos in the house!! Don’t you worry, it’s happening!!!
Maybe I’ll add them in this week on the blog! Just for you!
u don’t, I may have to write a post calling you out on it 😉
You are a good friend. I say listen to your heart and let it lead you.
Agreed!
It sounds to me like you’re right and that the person mentioned it and brushed it under the rug because they wanted to bring some attention to it and mention it but not focus on it. Maybe they realize it’s an issue too and feel that if they say something and no one says anything about it then it isn’t as big of a deal as they might think it is. Did you end up commenting?
Oh gosh. I could see that logic – if I mention it and no one picks up, must not be a big deal?
I didn’t comment, since I don’t read the blog and didn’t want to be all “You need to get that looked at, yo!”
At first I thought you meant my blog! But then was like, wait, I called the doctor..and blogged about it! (A little self centered aren’t i!)
Please do be open if on my comments!
If I see hints with someone I know, I try to approach them with the best scenario possible, trying to lure them into approaching the subject.
If I see it in a blog, and I don’t know the person. I try to lightly direct my thoughts of – oh hey, maybe check out this link for such and such pain, or, careful, that is a high risk thing you are entering into!
But I sometimes feel like I am overstepping my boundaries, as who am I to give people advice that likely have been running and such much longer than me.
Oh gosh. No. It’s not someone who reads this blog or that I comment on. I hope you didn’t feel bad for too long. And yeah. I leave honest comments on your blog. Can’t you tell?! LOL. I feel like I am TOO honest, most of the time.
It is interesting that you bring up experience, because I do things now that a beginner runner shouldn’t do, because I know my body is used to it. Like… upping weekly mileage by WAY more than 10% in one week. Or doing a random 20 miler. I know my body can handle it. And maybe that is the frustration for a lot of bloggers – seeing others can do things and thinking they can too.
Hmm… maybe I should write a follow up post on that topic!
Not only do I tend to not say anything (unless it’s someone I actually know IRL), I often just stop reading that blog/take a break from it because of whatever unhealthy thing a blogger may be talking about. Which kind of makes me sound awful.
Example: posts that I read that have really, super unhealthy attitudes about weight. I know the supportive, helpful, responsible thing to do would be reach out, because I’ve been there, but I just don’t know how to do it in a way that doesn’t seem preachy or judgmental. And if someone doesn’t want or think they need help, they’ll likely feel attacked.
I don’t think it makes you sound awful. If you have a casual relationship with a blogger and they start acting that way, it’s going to turn you away. I know you wouldn’t do that to a friend (blogger).
Personally, I haven’t seen any of that in my blog reading yet. (Maybe I don’t read enough blogs!) But I think if it was someone I did have a ‘virtual’ relationship with, I would send them an email or something privately. I just gotta say, I LOVE the comments you leave on my blog. I love how you say exactly what you think, even if it goes against what others are saying. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read your comment and thought she’s right!! You make me see a different view of things, and I always know you’ll be honest with me. I love that!! 🙂
I only see it every so often! And that blog was not even one I read, I just stumbled upon it! Aww, I am happy you don’t mind my honest comments. I feel like a giant biz sometimes 😉
How was the 1/2?
When I’m concerned about a blogger, I typically will send a private email and just forgo leaving a comment. I still want to reach out, but I don’t want to draw attention in the comments section. It doesn’t have to be something really serious–sometimes, I think it’s just nice to reach out and say “I’m thinking about you! You seem down.” And if someone sent one to me, I think I’d be happy that s/he cared enough to email me OR I’d be glad to respond back by email and talk about it privately/dispel any concerns.
Thanks for your feedback! More input that I should just send an email. I am not sure why I was leaving comments before!