Isn’t it interesting how certain places, songs, sayings, items, etc., can trigger very specific memories? What are some of your triggered memories?
There is a trail I usually run when we visit Steven’s father in Kansas City. It astounds me, that to this day, I cannot run this trail alone without triggered uncomfortable feelings of helplessness and loss. Even on a day like today, when parts of the trail are covered in snow, and it looks nothing like it did on the hot summer days of 2010, I am still transported back to exactly how I felt then. That was the summer we surprisingly lost Steven’s mom. That was the summer when I first dealt with the awful hospital waiting game. That was the summer when running stopped working as my therapy – instead of letting me escape, it made me feel guilty for leaving the hospital to run and just threw me deeper in to my own thoughts.
As I ran the trail today, it was nice to see a few other people to pull me out of my thoughts. But they are still there. I need to:
- Run this trail with other people
- Start running with music again
- Or just deal with my emotions… eww