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By kilax, April 9, 2009 5:17 am

Update on yesterday’s post: I realized that it was impossible for me to have a quiet day on a work day. In fact, I realized that being so busy at work is probably fueling a lot of my over-thinking and maybe a bit of anxiety. Today’s post is kind of related.

I decided my quiet day will have to be tomorrow (I have the day off) or this weekend. We have some fun activities planned – Farmers Market, baking cookies, running, maybe bowling – I should be able to find relaxation and calm!

I was trying to explain to Steven the other day that I think my new* job has made me more “vocal.” That’s not exactly the right word, but I’ll explain.

I am in more of a project manager position now. It’s not my title, but it’s what I do. I’ve been finding that I need to speak up a lot more lately, to keep things in the best interest for my company and our clients.

But I’ve found some side effects to my “vocality,” and I am not sure if they are positive or negative.

At work, I’ve been a bit short with a couple of people. I don’t want to go into much detail about that, but I feel like I should be nicer, and give people the benefit of the doubt… even when I feel like they really, REALLY have not earned it.

At home, I’ve been more “direct” when dealing with companies. I let the Nissan Customer Service department know exactly** what I thought of their service on Saturday. I told the Sun-Times I was canceling my subscription because they couldn’t get their act together. I argued with the dentist about why my bills are coming to my home in MY HUSBAND’S NAME when we don’t share insurance.

On the plus side, I feel good saying what I want to say and not playing any games. But I know I am coming off as a bitch***. And I don’t want to be the bitchy demanding customer, because Steven works with customers like that most days, and I see what it does to him.

But here’s the thing. I don’t want to waste any time. I feel more and more pressed for time EVERY day. I am struggling with it so much right now, and I think that has a lot to do with what I wrote about yesterday. So if I can cut through a lot of bullcrap by being direct and honest, why not do it?

I just need to sound sweet and nice. And – make it clear that I don’t want to be rude, impolite, or nasty. I just want to be direct and honest, and get to the point.

As a side note, there are a few personal relationships I have, where I wish I could be this direct and honest. Instead of playing their games.

I am really honest with my parents (and my husband, of course). I think about that a lot. They get the 100% version of me. Nothing’s fake. I tell it like I see it to them. I think I am too honest sometimes. But in my most important relationships, why not show myself exactly as I am? What would be the point of doing otherwise? Facades are too much upkeep and stress.

*Can I still call it new if I’ve been working there since 12/8/08?
**Yes, it felt good to tell them I went and bought an Infiniti after I left their showroom and crappy offer behind.
***Steven cofirmed this.

Comments (13)

By kilax, March 12, 2009 5:07 am

When did I become so cynical?

I loved sizzle’s post last week about how someone double-parked her, and she left a note on their car, and they actually left an apology letter on hers. I felt like sizzle wrote that post directly to me, like she was saying, “Wake up Kim! You aren’t perfect either! Give people the benefit of the doubt!”

You see, I’ve become quite… fed up with human interaction in public spaces lately. It’s mostly in the morning and evenings, on my walks from the train station to work. I know I walk faster than most, and I don’t expect people to go my speed, but I do expect them to get the HECK out of my way.

I’m sad to admit, I’ve developed the habit of bumping into people and not saying anything. Why should I always be the one to have to move out of the way, you know? It’s just that crowded.

Well, the day before sizzle wrote that post, TWO people stepped in front of me in the morning. But you know what was weird? One apologized, and the other said, “excuse me.” I immediately felt guilty for all those times I’ve been so rude, because I was simply assuming the other person is just a jerk.

And on Tuesday, while dining with a friend, a woman apologized to me for bumping into my chair when she left her table. I didn’t even feel it. How polite!

Now, I am not the type to be rude and not say something when it’s due, but I have just spent so much time assuming most of the people downtown were self-centered jerks, that I’ve sort of given up. And decided to be pushy as well.

I’m different in the suburbs, surprisingly (or not?). One day at the theater, I opened the door to leave (the exit only door) and a bunch of people rushed in, bumping into me. Steven wondered why I wasn’t upset. I explained that it was nothing compared to my morning and evening walks downtown, simple as that. He explained that HE was fed up with holding the door for others, letting others go by first, etc., and feeling taken advantage of all the time. I understood – that is how I feel in the city.

Now I am trying to be less judgmental and pushy. I won’t be walked over, but I can at least give people the benefit of the doubt.

It’s hard.

Related: I think Hilly was on the same page with her manners bullet from an older post.