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By kilax, January 7, 2010 4:56 am

Gossiping. We all do it from time to time. It’s so fun, yet so wrong… right?

There was an interesting article in the Wall Street Journal yesterday – “Killing Gossip with Kindness.” The article discussed methods teachers are using to quell student gossiping, rampant gossiping on the internet, and the merit of gossiping.

Quelling Gossiping in Schools

A teacher quoted in the article said kids today seem more sarcastic than past generations. She suggests to students that before saying something about someone else, to ask themselves, “Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?“

What a great triad of questions to remember. It seems obvious to think through these questions before you open your mouth, but of course, we don’t. And while I have to say – I think many kids are just MEAN – I believe this exercise would be helpful and develop good habits.

Rampant Gossiping on the Internet

The article mentions the plethora of gossip online, and how it can permanently tarnish your image – because it’s online forever. We bloggers are familiar with this. People seem to be apt to say things online, behind the safety of a computer screen, that they would NEVER say in real life.

Professor Daniel Solove*, who wrote a book about internet gossip, was quoted:

Given the times we live in, he says it can’t hurt to reinforce in our children the need to ask: “Is it kind? True? Necessary?” But he suspects that “we can’t make people nicer. So we need to keep pushing legal consequences.” He advocates the strengthening of laws against Internet irresponsibility, arguing that the specter of being sued is the best weapon to slow down malicious gossip.

Can you imagine being sued for what you say online? That seems like an invasion of freedom of speech, but hey, it wouldn’t surprise me.

The Merit of Gossiping

To me, the most interesting part of the article was the section with quotes from Professor Susan Hafen**. She argues for gossiping:

In her research, she has found that workplace gossip often serves a positive function. For instance, it helps people conform: When we gossip about someone who got fired, we learn what happens to people who break the rules.

At the same time, gossip is a social interaction. “Is it kind? Is it necessary? Those are good questions,” says Dr. Hafen. “But it would be a boring world if we always had to tiptoe around, being kind. For one thing, we wouldn’t be able to tell any jokes.”

More seriously, she says, prohibiting gossip that isn’t “kind” may be a way of “avoiding unpleasantness, of fence-sitting, of not rocking the boat. If we only tell kind stories about people, then we may be avoiding holding people responsible for their actions.”

That last sentence quoted is what I struggle with – keeping my mouth shut and letting other people get away with irresponsible behavior. No matter how hard you try to communicate your concern, it can still be perceived as an attack to the person, rather than a discussion of their actions (or lack thereof).

What do you think of the article? Are you going to ask yourself “Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?” Are internet laws against gossiping appropriate? Is there merit to gossiping? Do you think you need to cut back on gossiping? (please comment on what particularly interests you from the article!)

Overall, I can say I gossip much less than I used to, and that is a direct reaction to the work environment I entered in December of 2008. But, there ARE people who irk me the wrong way, ALL THE TIME, and boy, does Steven get to hear it. I make a conscious effort to try to say some nice things about them from time to time as well, but yeah, not all the time. I am going to start asking myself the three questions.

Bonus Question: Have you ever tried to remain neutral when with a group of people who are gossiping?

I have. You don’t say anything and they get VERY upset. It makes them feel bad. I’ve been in this situation a lot.

*From George Washington University Law School.
**A professor of communication at Webster State University in Ogden, Utah.

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By kilax, January 6, 2010 5:40 am

What’s better than arriving home to a fresh cooked meal?

Nothing, really.

When I arrive home and Steven has a warm dinner on the stove, ready for me to eat, I feel like a pampered princess.

Do you like it when someone else cooks for you? Whose cooking is your favorite? Or do you prefer to make your own food?

Last night, Steven made a modified (because we were missing a few ingredients) version of Anna’s (newlywednewlyveg) Black Bean Fiesta Soup.

Here are the original ingredients, crossed out with what we substituted. Check out her site for the full recipe! I hope you don’t mind that we changed it up a bit, Anna!

• 1 onion, chopped
• 1 3 clove(s) garlic, chopped
  
• 1 tsp. olive oil
• 1 red bell pepper, chopped 1 1/2 T. Dried Red Pepper, 1 1/2 T. Dried Green Pepper
  
• 1 4. oz. can green chilies, chopped 1 1/2 Tsp Dried Jalapeño
• 1/8 tsp. cayenne pepper
• 1/2 tsp. chili powder 1/4 tsp. Ancho Chili Powder and 1/4 tsp. Chipotle Chili Powder
  
• 1 tsp. cumin
• 1/8 tsp. turmeric
• 1/2 tsp. salt
• 1/2 tsp. lime zest
• juice of one lime 1 Tsp. Lime Juice
  
• 3 2 15. oz. cans black beans, drained and rinsed
• ADDED: 1 15 oz. can pinto beans, drained and rinsed
  
• 3 cups 2 cans vegetable broth
  
• 1 15 oz. can corn
• ADDED: 1 15 oz. can diced tomatoes
  

Also, our favorite cornbread made a guest appearance. It went deliciously with this soup! I recommend trying the soup (either the original or our version). It was so tasty – perfect for a cold evening, and not too spicy!

Crap. I better be careful. I don’t want to turn into a food blogger. Stop making such tasty eats Steven! (no really, please don’t stop)

Time for another meme! Ayla (dainty vegan), Leah (why deprive), Kim (Adventures in Wanting) and Trayn Harder all gave me the Happy 101 award. Thank you! I am supposed to list 10 things that make me happy. Making this list was fun (I could have kept going past 10). I think I could do this everyday! Give it a try! Click “more” to read on.

Continue reading 'A twist on Anna’s Black Bean Fiesta Soup / Happy 101 Meme'»

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By kilax, December 30, 2009 7:48 am

It seems like I am making a New Year’s Realization instead of a Resolution. Ha, ha… ha?

I keep putting myself on ridiculous schedules because I think it will help me out, when really, it just hinders me.

I have to STOP doing this. I have to.

Today is a perfect example. I am having lunch with a coworker and I also want to get a run in. I obviously can’t do it during lunch time anymore, so it would probably make sense to do it in the evening. No, that makes TOO MUCH SENSE, let’s get up at 4:30 so we can get to the office gym at 6:30 and put 6 miles in before work! Then, you get to run, see your friend for lunch, AND spend quality time with your husband when you get home!

It sounds so perfect when I write it all out, but Steven can tell you which one of these things doesn’t happen. By the time I get home, I am so tired from getting up so early that all I want to do is eat dinner and go to bed. I try to “relax” (how does one do that?) by sitting on the couch watching a movie, but I just feel exhausted.

And I keep doing this… why? It’s like I want to prove to myself that I CAN fit it all in to one day – working out, lunch with a friend, time with Steven, 3 hours commuting and 9.5 hours at work.

I can’t do it all. I can’t have it all. I have to prioritize. I have to be flexible/less rigid with my schedule. Ugh. I just need to learn HOW TO RELAX.

Friends, I have been fighting this for a long time. It’s what causes me to get burnt out and give up. I don’t want that to happen anymore. I am sick of yo-yoing with my weight, and really, with my life.

Do any of you ever feel like you are doing this to yourself? How to you stop/slow down?

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By kilax, December 15, 2009 5:08 am

My office’s holiday parties are this week. That’s right, parties, as in plural. We have a team lunch at a restaurant on Wednesday (there will be 6 of us), a floor potluck on Thursday (about 100 people), and the company party on Thursday afternoon (about 300 people?).

I don’t worry too much about the food and drinks. I know I will be able to get a vegan meal at the restaurant (I called on Monday to check) and I will bring my own food to the potluck and not have anything at the other party. Really, the point is to have fun and socialize.

And that is what I worry about, a bit. I know I will be fine socializing at the team lunch and floor potluck, because I know people. But trying to navigate the company party and talk to people is difficult. And I’m not shy! I’m pretty friendly and open, and am rarely at a loss for things to talk about*. I just have not mastered the art of joining a conversation already in process, and since our company has a lot of groups, that is a lot of what the party is. I aimlessly wander around, trying hard not to stick with just my group, but struggle to break into conversations with the few people I do know outside of my group…

There was actually a great article about social anxiety in the December issue of Women’s Health containing a lot of tips about interacting with strangers/coworkers. One of the best tips (which is not in that link) was on how to break away from a conversation, by saying something like “There are a few other people I’d like to say hello to. I had a great time talking to you. I’ll catch you later.” That is definitely something I’ve been trying to figure out how to tactfully say! If you’re not careful, you’ll be talking to the same person all night!

The other tips (actually in the link) were to “play mind games,” “try a new tactic,” and “work the room” (I guess you’ll have to read it for those to make sense!). But the tip I needed wasn’t there – how to join a conversation that has already started.

Are you attending any Office Holiday Parties this year? Do you look forward to them or dread them? Do you ever feel like you have a hard time breaking into a conversation? What are your tactics? Have any tips for me?!

*This could be seen as good OR bad.

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By kilax, December 2, 2009 5:52 am

Did anyone else wake up this morning and think, “If this was last week, today would be my last day of the work week!”?

I sure did!

I really don’t have any room to complain though. I didn’t have to work a single full week for the entire month of November (I have two full weeks this month though).

Besides, if it was last week, the holiday festivities would just be that much further away!

But those 3-day work weeks ARE nice! December really wears me out, and it would be great to have a few extra days off to prepare for the holidays and chill.

Side Note: Don’t forget to enter my Eating Animals Giveaway!

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By kilax, November 20, 2009 5:12 am

What’s your morning routine? How long does it take you to get ready for work or a day at home?

I am guilty of being lazy and tired in the morning, and my routine time has cut down drastically. I shower at night. I wake up 30 minutes before I have to leave each morning (usually wake up between 4:30 – 5:30 am) – 10 minutes for makeup/hair, 10 minutes for clothes, 10 minutes for packing lunch. Yeah, I don’t always look so… polished. I don’t think I look sloppy, but I don’t look put together! I just DO NOT KNOW what to do with my hair. I know how to use a hair straightener and that’s about it!

I am actually more likely to spend more time getting ready on the weekends because I do not feel rushed and tired.

Comments (38)

By kilax, November 16, 2009 5:13 am

What a crazy busy week we have ahead of us:

• On Wednesday, I have to give a very important presentation at work which will determine whether or not I get a raise! Steven and I are also going to the Eating Animals Reading on that day AND my sister and her friend are staying at our house Wednesday night.
• On Thursday, I am driving my sister and her friend to the airport at 5:30 am. Then, Steven and I are attending the Chicago Construction Expo all day. Then (!), my mom, dad and grandma are arriving for the weekend.
• On Friday, my mom, grandma and I are going to Chicago to do some window shopping on State Street and Michigan Avenue.
• On Saturday, we are BAKING all day long.
• On Sunday, I will take my grandma and mom to church, then they will head home… and I will promptly collapse!

And that’s not to mention all of the prep work we’ve done these past few weeks, this weekend and today and tomorrow – painting, cleaning, buying groceries, etc.

BUT, I am excited! We had a lot of fun baking all of our holiday sweets last year, and THIS year, I am doing a Homemade Holiday Sweets Giveaway!

Would you like to win a Holiday Sweets Basket like one of these?

The Holiday Sweets Package will likely contain:

• Frosted Sugar Cookies
• Peanut Butter Kiss Cookies
• Snickerdoodles
• Chocolate Chip Cookies
• Toffee
• Caramels
• Caramel Crispix
• Chex Mix

I say “likely” because who knows what the day will bring. My mother is often springing (good) recipe ideas on us at the last minute.

I will put a note in the package saying which items are vegan and which are gluten-free. They will not all be, but please, still enter the contest! Some will be, and you can share the rest with your friends/family/coworkers/grateful strangers.

Contest Rules:

1. To enter the contest, simply leave a comment below telling me what your favorite holiday treat is. It doesn’t have to be one I listed above. It can even be a favorite dish!
2. To get an extra entry, link to the giveaway in your blog, and leave me another comment linking to your post.
3. This contest is open until 5:00 PM CST on Saturday, November 21st. I will use the Random Integer Generator, or if I am feeling fiesty, the old “name out of a hat” drawing to select a winner on Saturday. I will announce the winner Saturday evening.
4. This contest is open to readers in the contiguous United States only. Sorry! I want to make sure your sweets arrive quickly!

Comments (19)

By kilax, November 10, 2009 5:20 am

In conversation this weekend, two people mentioned to me how much trouble they were having with the younger people in their office. I think it really boiled down to these younger people being lazy and trying to take (stupid) short cuts. And wow, they DID have some good stories to tell! I was amazed!

But I asked how young these people were that they were having issues with – 24.

I’m 25.

Hee hee. So I mentioned that in my office, we have a large workforce of “trainees” – younger people in the 20s age group that are actually doing a lot of hard work. The Trainee Program is a two or three year program in which you have a coach and mentor, and actually get to do different “rotations” in the office to see what area of work best suits you, and to help you become a more diverse employee.*

We had a “Trainee Forum” in August. It was a lot of seminars, but also networking between the trainees. I was amazed to find out a lot of the people I work with are trainees. I assumed that because of their professionalism, they had already made it through the Trainee Program.

Anyway, the things they were complaining about wasn’t actually news to me. I’ve heard these statistics about the younger workforce – they’re more lazy, they have less dedication and bad attitudes, there’s no work loyalty, etc. And I’ve definitely witnessed it! I guess it just made me realize how lucky, and proud I should be to work for a company where this is not the case in the younger workers.

Have you witnessed any of these myths of younger workforce? Are they myths at all?

Correction on yesterday’s post: Steven did not bribe the kids with cookies to get out of the street. He asked them to get out of the street, then offered them fresh cookies, so he wouldn’t seem mean (I think? I wasn’t there).

*I realize I am very lucky to have been given this opportunity.

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By kilax, October 19, 2009 12:52 pm

More and more, it’s become aware to me how many people (myself included) will treat the same situation differently, depending on who is involved. I know, I know, it’s obvious. I guess what I should say is, it has become more aware as to how UNFAIR it is. Why give one person leeway when you won’t to another?

I’ll give you an example (I wish I could give you my really good ones, but it wouldn’t be appropriate). In college, one of my close friends NEVER answered my calls or texts. NEVER! I had to wait for her to call me. If anyone else did that to me (now, then, ever) it would piss me off to no end, and I would just quit trying to communicate with them. But with her, for some reason, I didn’t really care.*

I still notice myself doing this now. If person A does X, I get more upset than if person B does X. And in the future, I may act differently around person A entirely.

I think I do this because I subconsciously evaluate who I think people are in my head, then expect them to act a certain way. Here’s another example – my mother is often late… so I’ve come to expect that as part of her character. Now, if anyone else is late? Boy, I am not happy.

It’s not fair to expect people to act a certain way or do a certain thing, especially if you don’t have the opportunity to talk to them about it. Everyone gets to live life their own way, and dealing with different types of people is part of the fun (right… right?).

Of course, there’s more to it than all this. Sometimes it’s better to expect more of someone (like in a work situation) so they improve. Sometimes the reason you treat someone differently is because there is a history between you or some sort of communication breakdown.

But sometimes, it’s just because you’re being unreasonable.

Do you do this? Has it happened to you? It has certainly happened to me – that is what inspired me to write this. I kind of had an “Aha!” moment today. But I can’t be too upset about it, because I do it myself!

(And just so you know, I’m talking about people I’ve had multiple encounters with here, not people I’ve just met.)

P.S. Does this make ANY sense?

*Actually, there were a lot of things about her that bothered me, but we had the most fun together. I think it is because when something bothered me about her, I just told her (Like her gum smacking, hated it. I made her spit out her gum when she was in my house if she couldn’t close her mouth. Bitchy much?), and she did the same for me.

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By kilax, October 15, 2009 5:31 am

I don’t need total privacy when I am using a public restroom – I don’t care if someone is in the stall next to me. However, if I am walking to the restroom, say, at work, and I realize I am going to go into the restroom at the same time as someone else, I will likely let them go in then wait a bit before I do (unless I really have to drop it). I know, it’s weird.

But here’s what weirds me out even more. Let’s say hypothetically (winky face) that you encounter a coworker in the hallway right in front of the bathroom. You are obviously both going in. They start to talk to you about a project. You try to stay in the hallway, but they walk in… so you try to linger a bit in the powder room. But they are going to the stall. They want to have a stall-to-stall conversation.

This just does not fly with me. I don’t know why! I love being crude and telling poop jokes and I am totally down with bodily functions*, but talking about work while on the pot? Not cool!

What do you think (see poll below)? Have you had any encounters like this that made you uncomfortable, or are you fine with it? Am I just being weird about this? I would be especially interested to hear if males ever do this! Ha!

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*I had a friend in college who always left the door open and  it never phased me, and I always barged in on my mom using the bathroom when I was very young… uh, is that normal? (the second thing, not the first)