Comments (14)

By kilax, June 24, 2009 12:42 pm

I didn’t get home until 8:45 last night. I was a little bit frustrated that my train was late, but all of that frustration washed away when I opened the door and smelled… fresh chocolate chip cookies! Steven decided to try this vegan recipe. How awesome is it to come home to fresh cookies? Steven is such a sweetie. I am so lucky to have a husband who loves to cook and experiment in the kitchen.

They turned out very thick on their own. Steven pressed down the second batch, but I liked the big, thick, chewy ones.

Nom Nom Nom

Steven had to make some substitutions to the recipe. We didn’t have unbleached flour, so he used all-purpose. And we didn’t have raw sugar, so he used half white and half brown sugar. He found out that most white sugar is not vegan, as it is often filtered using bone char – an animal product. I am sure as I continue on this vegan journey, I will discover lots of interesting tidbits like that. I will have to accommodate them when I run across them.

Anyway, he thought the cookies were a little bland, that they needed more flavor. He thought they just tasted like sugar cookies with chocolate chips in them – that they were missing that “buttery” (?) taste. I liked that they didn’t have a overpowering taste, as I generally do not consider myself a chocolate chip cookie fan. As you can see, they weren’t laden with chocolate chips. He only used a half of a cup. I don’t like it when chocolate chip cookies are overloaded with chocolate chips. Blah.

With all of that being said, I scarfed down three cookies. Then went almost immediately to bed. These cookies sat like a brick in my stomach, and had me tossing and turning all night. I don’t think it is necessarily the cookie’s fault. I think it is MY fault for eating too much, too fast, too close to bedtime, on an already full stomach.

I got into a bad pattern for awhile in the end of May and beginning of June where I was eating too much in the evening and sleeping very poorly at night. I’d wake up because I feel so uncomfortable and gassy. I would still feel gross when I woke up in the morning. That’s not a good way to start a day.

And the dumb thing is, I couldn’t figure out why I was tossing and turning all night. I just kept repeating the same actions over and over. It wasn’t until I actually slept well, that I looked back and thought, “Hmm, what did I do differently yesterday?”

So, while I’ve always laughed at the theory that you cannot burn off calories you eat in the evening* (because you go to bed), I think I will be making an effort not to eat so close to bedtime.

*I think the advice to “not eat after 7:00 pm” is meant to help people cut back on mindless snacking done after dinner. But it seems to have turned into this belief that calories you eat after 7:00 pm will never be burned off.

Comments (10)

By kilax, November 9, 2008 5:45 pm

I just want to have a normal relationship with food. I do NOT want to:

• Spend my days counting calories.
• Feel guilty every weekend for eating more than I do on weekdays.
• Feel anxious about eating out.
• Feel anxious about eating in public.
• Feel anxious about eating ALL THE TIME.
• Worry I will regain all of the weight I have lost.
• Worry I will stop caring about myself again.

Someone please tell me this is possible. Because right now, I feel like I spend so much of my time thinking about eating/health/weight loss it is sickening.

I’ve been spending my weekends and free time searching for other weight loss and health blogs on the internet for inspiration. I now have a folder of 50+ of them in google reader. I’ve found so many cool people going through the same thing I am (there are a few that I would love to recommend – Escape from Obesity, Morgan Gets Thin, Perfect in our Imperfections, Coming Clean: Tales of a Disordered Eater), but I worry that I am being too obsessive. I worry I am thinking about being healthy too much and not living my life.

I’m reading another “food and health” book – Intuitive Eating. Yes, another one. I saw this book recommended in quite a few places. I always read these books with a grain of salt… but I am still picking them up and reading them. I guess I am hoping for some revolutionary insight? I already know I overeat when stressed/anxious/bored. Someone please just reprogram me so I don’t do that anymore.

This book is an anti-diet book that focuses on getting back to “intuitive eating” – basically listening to hunger cues and following that instead of a diet.

Well, I’ve never followed a diet, but I do have internal rules for myself about eating. Maybe, just maybe, I can learn to have a normal relationship with food. How many posts have I ended saying that?

Why I am feeling so stressed/anxious/nervous/restless all the time? When will this go away?! When?!

Comments (10)

By kilax, January 23, 2008 6:10 am

I hate packing my lunch in the morning, counting calories, looking at nutrition labels, taking mental notes. Caring.

Actually, I hate packing a lunch at all. Why can’t I just get some takeout at work? Not caring?

Just kidding. Just kidding. I care about my health. And my money (because takeout adds up!).

But sometimes it’s hard to be a healthy adult. I have the sugary appetite of a child, but the mental state of an adult who knows better.

I’m working on that…