This is out of context, because there is no context… no particular instance made me feel like writing this (well, besides a conversation with Kelsey). But! The post flowed right out, so that means, I post it. Even if it makes me sound crazy. I promise I am not (in this regard). I just like to be honest, and share the feelings I sometimes have. Because more often that not, SOMEONE can relate!
I consider myself a mature person. I am not jealous. I don’t get caught up in comparisons. I try to avoid drama. I don’t have FOMO (fear of missing out). I feel secure with who I am. I am happy.
But, gah. I am POSSESSIVE!
Of what? My things? No… I am very good at sharing my stuff. I am generous.
I am possessive of my relationships.
Okay, okay, I will say it. I am possessive of my friends. Ha!
I am not that bad. I promise!
But the feelings are sometimes there.
I think it’s my friends’ fault, not mine! They are so awesome, I don’t want to share them! I want 100% of their awesomeness all for myself! Yep, that’s it!
Really though, it’s not a feeling I have that often. Just from time to time, I want someone all. to. myself.
Which sounds creepy. But I promise I don’t have anyone tied up in my non-existent basement.
I think this weird feeling goes back to not really having ANY close girlfriends until the past several years. So when I get close to someone, it feels so special! And in a world where none of us are really unique or actually special… it feels good to have that connection with another person. But NO, they CANNOT have it with anyone else!
Ha ha, I am totally joking. I feel like I have lots of connections with different people, so why wouldn’t everyone else? And I am involved in lots of groups – bloggers, running clubs, and so on – there are going to be cross relationships between lots of people!
But that logic doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes get that emotional gut feeling of, “I want you all to myself! I don’t want to share you!”
So… maybe I am immature? Maybe I can’t share after all?
Do you ever feel like you don’t want to share your friends?
(when I write the question out in bold, there is no denying it – it does just sound crazy)
This probably just has to do with not wanting your friends to like someone more than they like you (see: “maybe I am immature” above). Which is da-umb, since we have talked about how we have different situational friendships in our life. And so what if we are not #1? You can still be a good friend without that title. But maybe that is just an instinctual feeling… maybe?
Data says the only way to avoid these feelings it to be friends with no one. And sleep all day.