Comments (34)

By kilax, December 15, 2009 5:08 am

My office’s holiday parties are this week. That’s right, parties, as in plural. We have a team lunch at a restaurant on Wednesday (there will be 6 of us), a floor potluck on Thursday (about 100 people), and the company party on Thursday afternoon (about 300 people?).

I don’t worry too much about the food and drinks. I know I will be able to get a vegan meal at the restaurant (I called on Monday to check) and I will bring my own food to the potluck and not have anything at the other party. Really, the point is to have fun and socialize.

And that is what I worry about, a bit. I know I will be fine socializing at the team lunch and floor potluck, because I know people. But trying to navigate the company party and talk to people is difficult. And I’m not shy! I’m pretty friendly and open, and am rarely at a loss for things to talk about*. I just have not mastered the art of joining a conversation already in process, and since our company has a lot of groups, that is a lot of what the party is. I aimlessly wander around, trying hard not to stick with just my group, but struggle to break into conversations with the few people I do know outside of my group…

There was actually a great article about social anxiety in the December issue of Women’s Health containing a lot of tips about interacting with strangers/coworkers. One of the best tips (which is not in that link) was on how to break away from a conversation, by saying something like “There are a few other people I’d like to say hello to. I had a great time talking to you. I’ll catch you later.” That is definitely something I’ve been trying to figure out how to tactfully say! If you’re not careful, you’ll be talking to the same person all night!

The other tips (actually in the link) were to “play mind games,” “try a new tactic,” and “work the room” (I guess you’ll have to read it for those to make sense!). But the tip I needed wasn’t there – how to join a conversation that has already started.

Are you attending any Office Holiday Parties this year? Do you look forward to them or dread them? Do you ever feel like you have a hard time breaking into a conversation? What are your tactics? Have any tips for me?!

*This could be seen as good OR bad.

Comments (26)

By kilax, October 8, 2009 5:03 am

A coworker was politely and continually inviting me to social work events that focused around drinking alcohol (Happy Hour, Booze Cruise, etc.). I continually, and politely, declined the invitations, because social drinking is not my idea of fun, and most of the after-work engagements would have me getting home after 10:00 at night.

This back-and-forth invite and decline situation continued until I found out I would be going on travel with this coworker for training, and she began mentioning hitting the bars after class. That is when I told her, “Drinking is not my idea of fun. I also don’t enjoy hanging out in big groups of people, which is why I haven’t been going to the work socials and probably won’t want to go out to the bars after class while on travel.”

I thought she understood what I was saying – that I don’t think of drinking as an “activity” or way of having fun. But I think she really took it as “I never drink. I am opposed to drinking. I am anti-alcohol.”

This came to my attention when she acted nervous buying beer at dinner (while on travel) around me. And when she seemed ashamed to want to go to Trader Joe’s and buy a 6-pack of beer. And when she timidly asked if I would mind if she brought a beer to my hotel room to drink while we watched TV.

Then yesterday, we were talking about Facebook (which inspired tomorrow’s Friday Question), and I said, “It’s not like I have any drunken pictures of myself on there*.

“Of course you don’t,” she replied. “You don’t drink.”

“It’s not that I don’t drink,” I said, “It’s that I don’t drink for fun.”

“Oh, so you drink to get drunk?” she was completely serious.

“No, I just don’t view it as an “activity.”

“Well, I don’t either.” She seemed offended.**

I was with another coworker, and we started talking about having a glass of wine now and then. For me, “now and then” is probably 4 times a year, tops. But, I have proof below! My mom, grandma and I had “wine-a-ritas” on my birthday this year. I am not opposed to drinking. One coworker seemed to get that. I am not sure why the other doesn’t.

Some people I work with drink every night. They come in smelling like alcohol. The coworker I am talking about does not do that, but she does stay out late on the weekends, drinking in the bars, from time to time. There is nothing wrong with that! It is just not something I desire to do. I try telling her that, but all she hears is “I don’t drink.” Is it even worth talking about? It’s not causing any problems in our relationship, I just get the feeling she thinks I am judging her. I’m not. We’re just different.

*This will make more sense tomorrow.
**It’s a big pet peeve of mine when people post long dialogue in their posts. Sorry.