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By kilax, December 15, 2009 5:08 am

My office’s holiday parties are this week. That’s right, parties, as in plural. We have a team lunch at a restaurant on Wednesday (there will be 6 of us), a floor potluck on Thursday (about 100 people), and the company party on Thursday afternoon (about 300 people?).

I don’t worry too much about the food and drinks. I know I will be able to get a vegan meal at the restaurant (I called on Monday to check) and I will bring my own food to the potluck and not have anything at the other party. Really, the point is to have fun and socialize.

And that is what I worry about, a bit. I know I will be fine socializing at the team lunch and floor potluck, because I know people. But trying to navigate the company party and talk to people is difficult. And I’m not shy! I’m pretty friendly and open, and am rarely at a loss for things to talk about*. I just have not mastered the art of joining a conversation already in process, and since our company has a lot of groups, that is a lot of what the party is. I aimlessly wander around, trying hard not to stick with just my group, but struggle to break into conversations with the few people I do know outside of my group…

There was actually a great article about social anxiety in the December issue of Women’s Health containing a lot of tips about interacting with strangers/coworkers. One of the best tips (which is not in that link) was on how to break away from a conversation, by saying something like “There are a few other people I’d like to say hello to. I had a great time talking to you. I’ll catch you later.” That is definitely something I’ve been trying to figure out how to tactfully say! If you’re not careful, you’ll be talking to the same person all night!

The other tips (actually in the link) were to “play mind games,” “try a new tactic,” and “work the room” (I guess you’ll have to read it for those to make sense!). But the tip I needed wasn’t there – how to join a conversation that has already started.

Are you attending any Office Holiday Parties this year? Do you look forward to them or dread them? Do you ever feel like you have a hard time breaking into a conversation? What are your tactics? Have any tips for me?!

*This could be seen as good OR bad.

Comments (26)

By kilax, October 8, 2009 5:03 am

A coworker was politely and continually inviting me to social work events that focused around drinking alcohol (Happy Hour, Booze Cruise, etc.). I continually, and politely, declined the invitations, because social drinking is not my idea of fun, and most of the after-work engagements would have me getting home after 10:00 at night.

This back-and-forth invite and decline situation continued until I found out I would be going on travel with this coworker for training, and she began mentioning hitting the bars after class. That is when I told her, “Drinking is not my idea of fun. I also don’t enjoy hanging out in big groups of people, which is why I haven’t been going to the work socials and probably won’t want to go out to the bars after class while on travel.”

I thought she understood what I was saying – that I don’t think of drinking as an “activity” or way of having fun. But I think she really took it as “I never drink. I am opposed to drinking. I am anti-alcohol.”

This came to my attention when she acted nervous buying beer at dinner (while on travel) around me. And when she seemed ashamed to want to go to Trader Joe’s and buy a 6-pack of beer. And when she timidly asked if I would mind if she brought a beer to my hotel room to drink while we watched TV.

Then yesterday, we were talking about Facebook (which inspired tomorrow’s Friday Question), and I said, “It’s not like I have any drunken pictures of myself on there*.

“Of course you don’t,” she replied. “You don’t drink.”

“It’s not that I don’t drink,” I said, “It’s that I don’t drink for fun.”

“Oh, so you drink to get drunk?” she was completely serious.

“No, I just don’t view it as an “activity.”

“Well, I don’t either.” She seemed offended.**

I was with another coworker, and we started talking about having a glass of wine now and then. For me, “now and then” is probably 4 times a year, tops. But, I have proof below! My mom, grandma and I had “wine-a-ritas” on my birthday this year. I am not opposed to drinking. One coworker seemed to get that. I am not sure why the other doesn’t.

Some people I work with drink every night. They come in smelling like alcohol. The coworker I am talking about does not do that, but she does stay out late on the weekends, drinking in the bars, from time to time. There is nothing wrong with that! It is just not something I desire to do. I try telling her that, but all she hears is “I don’t drink.” Is it even worth talking about? It’s not causing any problems in our relationship, I just get the feeling she thinks I am judging her. I’m not. We’re just different.

*This will make more sense tomorrow.
**It’s a big pet peeve of mine when people post long dialogue in their posts. Sorry.

Comments (17)

By kilax, March 24, 2009 5:13 am

For your entertainment, here is a blog post I wrote about being sick while I was sick. Yeah… it kind of doesn’t make any sense.

My exhaustion finally caught up with me.

On Thursday I developed a small cough in the afternoon. On Friday, it was deeper, but I felt well enough to go to work. But by lunch time I started to feel weak. I had aches in my legs and couldn’t walk very fast. I left early and the aches spread to my hips and lower back. We had tickets to a comedy club with friends that night and were supposed to meet them for dinner first. Instead, I laid in bed all night, as the aches moved to my chest. Wonderful wife I am. $50 down the drain.

On Saturday, surprisingly, I felt somewhat better. Still weak, but not coughing as much, and not achy. We took Sir Data Lor to the vet, and cleaned the house a bit for friends to come over. I was terrified I would have to cancel our get together* with Kevin, Katie, Diane, E and Tori, but I felt great all day. Until about 9:00 pm, when they probably noticed me continually getting up from playing Wii Trivial Pursuit** to blow my nose, cough, and wash my hands in the bathroom.

On Sunday I felt miserable. I kept getting hot and cold, hot and cold. I would be shivering under the sheets, then they would be wet from me sweating too much. I had to go to Target to pick up a prescription. You know what the pharmacist*** said to me? “You look tired.” You know what it means when people say that to  you? “You look like crap.” I DID look like crap. I laid in bed all day.

I thought I may go to work on Monday, but decided not to. It’s a good thing I didn’t. I could barely stand up when I was trying to make myself oatmeal in the morning – I felt too weak and dizzy. I had aches during the day again. Felt too weak to get out of bed most of the time. But the coughing had gone down. Hurrah.

On Tuesday, I think I’ll go into the office. What the hell. Should be fun.

You know what? I have been PISSED OFF this whole time I’ve been sick. I’m angry. This stupid sickness is putting a serious hamper in my exercise plans. Taking four days off is making me crazy. And I don’t feel like I should be sick. I eat well and I exercise. I’m healthy!

I know what you’re thinking, “Um, Kim, maybe it’s because you don’t get enough sleep?” Yeah, that has got to be it. From now on, I am going to recommit to getting 7 hours of sleep a night. I will set a timer for 10:00 or whatever, and when it goes off, I’ll stop what I’m doing, and go to bed, as often as possible. If that doesn’t happen, I am going to start sleeping on the train again.

I’ll do whatever it takes to get healthy.

And yeah, that includes finally going to the doctor. I’m working on that one.

*We had such a wonderful time having everyone over on Saturday night. We rarely get to spend time with friends, so it was a real treat. And I love that blogging has given me so many “real life” friends. I never thought that would happen when I started this blog! And I must say – I have a very real blogger crush on Tori. She’s even more awesome in person.
**I sucked at Wii Trivial Pursuit just as much as the tangible board game. What a surprise! Not!
***My pharmacist is pretty funny. The last time I was there, she was so excited to enter my new government insurance info in the computer because of the “awesome low prices!”
BONUS FOR MAKING IT THIS FAR: Anyone sick of me using asterisks all the time? Muah ha ha! Blame it on diane! I copied her’s! I love it when she adds little tidbits!