Comments (19)

By kilax, December 19, 2009 6:21 am

For me anyway! It’s never Point A to Point Z. It’s Point A to Point K, then oops, I started out too strong, back to Point C, trudging along to Point Z again, and I never get there…

Hmm, what the hell am I talking about?

With 2010 approaching I have been thinking about how I want the “new” year to be. I am not the type to make resolutions, or really even goals, but I am the type to dream ahead of what my future might have in store. And to do that, you kind of have to evaluate the past.

So I’ve been thinking about all of the journeys I’ve tried to take in my life. Journeys to improve my health. Journeys to improve relationships. Journeys to improve skills. Journeys to improve my personal characteristics. Usually, during these journeys, especially in the beginning, I am speeding along, making great progress… until I hit a snag and I fizzle out a bit. What causes that? Is it boredom? Is it exhaustion? Is it lack of progress?

Or is it just me, jumping into things too fast, too enthusiastically, too anxiously?

Whatever it is, it has resulted in a lot of non-linear journeys. My journeys are riddled with setbacks, re-dos and start-overs, and it’s hard to get back on track. I know that is part of life’s overall journey. You aren’t ever really allowed to go from Point A to Point Z. You don’t continually increase your running mileage forever. You don’t lose 2 pounds per week in an even manner. You don’t become more understanding without one or two blow-outs. You don’t always say the right thing.

But, I want to work on this. I want to work on my consistency. And generally, being less anxious about things. I would love to be calm. I would love to have an image of what I want 2010 to be like, but not be in a rush to make it all happen. And not be disappointed when it turns out differently – you know it will! And I know there will be bumps in the road, I just hope they will be smaller bumps.

Do you feel like there are linear and non-linear journeys in life? How do you deal with setbacks?

Comments (17)

By kilax, December 8, 2009 5:32 am

Do you ever get it in your mind that you ABSOLUTELY have to do something, and that is all you can think about, obsessively, until you’ve done it?

This is not necessarily a good thing. It’s compulsive.

com-pul-sion: Psychology. a strong, usually irresistible impulse to perform an act, esp. one that is irrational or contrary to one’s will.

If my photo were next to a definition in the dictionary, I fear it would be that one. I sometimes think compulsion is the cause of many of my actions. A few examples:

• When I found out Foer was speaking in Chicago, it was all I could think about for hours while I figured out the logistics. I was stressed out about it at work, when I should have been focused.
• I missed 1.5 miles of my Thursday run and thought obsessively about fitting it in last Friday, when really, I needed to rest my legs*. I didn’t run the 1.5 miles, thankfully.
• This post. I wrote it on my exercise sheet while I was doing my strength routine last Friday. It was all I could think about. Even when writing it (last night on the airplane) I closed the lid of my computer for take-off, but thought of something to write and had to open it back up.
• I had it in my mind that I was going to make certain dishes for my family when they visited. Apparently my mother had a few dishes in mind too? (Hence the Similarities and Differences post – I think we are both like this.)
• I couldn’t get it out of my mind that I had to get our holiday tree last weekend before “all the good ones were gone.” Luckily, Steven humored me on this one and we picked out our tree on Saturday (free delivery to the house on Sunday!).
• I won’t even go into how this affects my relationship with food!

What is all of this about? Why do I obsessively think and plan things? I sometimes think it is because I am afraid of missing out on events and afraid of forgetting thoughts I have. AND, I just get so excited and pumped about things, I want to get them out there while they are fresh!

But it makes it hard for me to focus. I have all of these thoughts swirling around in my brain. I feel like I have to get certain things done right away. I am agitated if I don’t.

Part of me enjoys the rush that I create for myself. The realistic part of me knows it’s a problem.

I’m hoping someone can relate? It’s one of those things where I feel like “Boo-hoo, I’m the only one” but I can’t be… right?

(Note, while I was finishing writing this, I got another blog idea in my head and had to open a new tab to start typing that out).

*Related, have you read the article titled “Your Better Half” in the January 2010 issue of Runner’s World? Great article. It’s about turning your inner critic into your biggest fan. I paid close attention to the little part about taking a day off when you don’t want to.

Comments (17)

By kilax, April 8, 2009 6:37 am

I don’t understand me lately. I feel like my emotions and thoughts are out of my control or something. I don’t feel like they are bad, just that they move forward without me. Like my brain won’t shut off.

I’ve been writing, passionately. I have all of these post sitting in my queue, just waiting to be posted.

But I am going to take a “quiet day.”

I think I need to start reviewing before I hit “publish.” I am letting myself get overwhelmed and too caught up in things.

If I keep “going going going” like this, I am going to end up crashing and getting sick again.