Comments (19)

By kilax, December 19, 2009 6:21 am

For me anyway! It’s never Point A to Point Z. It’s Point A to Point K, then oops, I started out too strong, back to Point C, trudging along to Point Z again, and I never get there…

Hmm, what the hell am I talking about?

With 2010 approaching I have been thinking about how I want the “new” year to be. I am not the type to make resolutions, or really even goals, but I am the type to dream ahead of what my future might have in store. And to do that, you kind of have to evaluate the past.

So I’ve been thinking about all of the journeys I’ve tried to take in my life. Journeys to improve my health. Journeys to improve relationships. Journeys to improve skills. Journeys to improve my personal characteristics. Usually, during these journeys, especially in the beginning, I am speeding along, making great progress… until I hit a snag and I fizzle out a bit. What causes that? Is it boredom? Is it exhaustion? Is it lack of progress?

Or is it just me, jumping into things too fast, too enthusiastically, too anxiously?

Whatever it is, it has resulted in a lot of non-linear journeys. My journeys are riddled with setbacks, re-dos and start-overs, and it’s hard to get back on track. I know that is part of life’s overall journey. You aren’t ever really allowed to go from Point A to Point Z. You don’t continually increase your running mileage forever. You don’t lose 2 pounds per week in an even manner. You don’t become more understanding without one or two blow-outs. You don’t always say the right thing.

But, I want to work on this. I want to work on my consistency. And generally, being less anxious about things. I would love to be calm. I would love to have an image of what I want 2010 to be like, but not be in a rush to make it all happen. And not be disappointed when it turns out differently – you know it will! And I know there will be bumps in the road, I just hope they will be smaller bumps.

Do you feel like there are linear and non-linear journeys in life? How do you deal with setbacks?

Comments (14)

By kilax, April 27, 2009 12:11 pm

Do you ever worry about becoming someone you don’t want to be? Maybe you have a specific person in mind, whose actions you simply abhor… or maybe it’s just a collection of traits that you worry about.

I have both – certain influential people in my life, as well as a list of various traits I try to avoid accruing.

Lately, I haven’t been giving my emotions the attention that they deserve. I’ve been very quick to react to things. Rather then stepping back, observing and evaluating, I hastily make decisions, just to try to keep up with the pace of things. I’ve become incredibly impatient. I don’t want to sit still or slow down for a minute.

This is adversely affecting me at work and at home. And I am beginning to worry more and more about turning into someone I don’t want to be.

I know who I want to be: happy, healthy, someone that people think of as “nice,” fun to be around, a good listener, hardworking, reliable, friendly, funny, intelligent, approachable, attractive, easy-going, patient, understanding…

But how do I get there? And QUICK! before I go to far in the other direction!

I’ve noticed that when I actually do slow down and take time to think about what is going on in my head (why I am reacting to things the way I am) I find the cause of the “problem.” But sometimes I just want to ignore it. I just want to avoid it. How awful is that? Here, let me just shut my brain off for awhile and go on autopilot. Let’s see where that gets me. I don’t like where that gets me.