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By kilax, January 7, 2010 4:56 am

Gossiping. We all do it from time to time. It’s so fun, yet so wrong… right?

There was an interesting article in the Wall Street Journal yesterday – “Killing Gossip with Kindness.” The article discussed methods teachers are using to quell student gossiping, rampant gossiping on the internet, and the merit of gossiping.

Quelling Gossiping in Schools

A teacher quoted in the article said kids today seem more sarcastic than past generations. She suggests to students that before saying something about someone else, to ask themselves, “Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?“

What a great triad of questions to remember. It seems obvious to think through these questions before you open your mouth, but of course, we don’t. And while I have to say – I think many kids are just MEAN – I believe this exercise would be helpful and develop good habits.

Rampant Gossiping on the Internet

The article mentions the plethora of gossip online, and how it can permanently tarnish your image – because it’s online forever. We bloggers are familiar with this. People seem to be apt to say things online, behind the safety of a computer screen, that they would NEVER say in real life.

Professor Daniel Solove*, who wrote a book about internet gossip, was quoted:

Given the times we live in, he says it can’t hurt to reinforce in our children the need to ask: “Is it kind? True? Necessary?” But he suspects that “we can’t make people nicer. So we need to keep pushing legal consequences.” He advocates the strengthening of laws against Internet irresponsibility, arguing that the specter of being sued is the best weapon to slow down malicious gossip.

Can you imagine being sued for what you say online? That seems like an invasion of freedom of speech, but hey, it wouldn’t surprise me.

The Merit of Gossiping

To me, the most interesting part of the article was the section with quotes from Professor Susan Hafen**. She argues for gossiping:

In her research, she has found that workplace gossip often serves a positive function. For instance, it helps people conform: When we gossip about someone who got fired, we learn what happens to people who break the rules.

At the same time, gossip is a social interaction. “Is it kind? Is it necessary? Those are good questions,” says Dr. Hafen. “But it would be a boring world if we always had to tiptoe around, being kind. For one thing, we wouldn’t be able to tell any jokes.”

More seriously, she says, prohibiting gossip that isn’t “kind” may be a way of “avoiding unpleasantness, of fence-sitting, of not rocking the boat. If we only tell kind stories about people, then we may be avoiding holding people responsible for their actions.”

That last sentence quoted is what I struggle with – keeping my mouth shut and letting other people get away with irresponsible behavior. No matter how hard you try to communicate your concern, it can still be perceived as an attack to the person, rather than a discussion of their actions (or lack thereof).

What do you think of the article? Are you going to ask yourself “Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?” Are internet laws against gossiping appropriate? Is there merit to gossiping? Do you think you need to cut back on gossiping? (please comment on what particularly interests you from the article!)

Overall, I can say I gossip much less than I used to, and that is a direct reaction to the work environment I entered in December of 2008. But, there ARE people who irk me the wrong way, ALL THE TIME, and boy, does Steven get to hear it. I make a conscious effort to try to say some nice things about them from time to time as well, but yeah, not all the time. I am going to start asking myself the three questions.

Bonus Question: Have you ever tried to remain neutral when with a group of people who are gossiping?

I have. You don’t say anything and they get VERY upset. It makes them feel bad. I’ve been in this situation a lot.

*From George Washington University Law School.
**A professor of communication at Webster State University in Ogden, Utah.

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By kilax, November 18, 2009 6:20 am

Do you ever read those lists that pop up on yahoo? Such as:

• America’s Prettiest Towns (the town we vacation in in Iowa is on the list!)
• 5 Signs You May Be a Bad Coworker (no comment!)
• 8 Toxic Personalities to Avoid (again, no comment, but I could write an entire post on that one!)

For some reason, those articles really draw me in. I guess their marketing is working on me!

One of the interesting ones I read a while ago was on “energy zappers” – regular habits you make partake in that zap your energy and leave you feeling drained. I thought the list was interesting. I’ll bold the items I think sometimes affect me:

• Being Addicted to E-mail
• Visual Clutter
• Being Bored
• Poor Posture
• Toxic Indoor Air
• Eating Too Much at Once
• Living in Artificial Light
• Listening to Negative Nellies
• Holding a Grudge

You can check out the article for a full description of how these items are draining and ideas for solutions. Do any of these apply to you? I really think being addicted to e-mail (and google reader) and being bored are the big ones for me. Just spending too much time with the computer is draining! I’ve been spending less time online the past few weekends and have felt pretty good Monday morning.

Side Note: Don’t forget to enter my Homemade Holiday Sweets Giveaway!

Also, Morning Runner is hosting a fun Blogger Holiday Gift Exchange on her blog! Check it out! The more people who enter, the more fun it will be!

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By kilax, November 4, 2009 6:02 am

I did something I haven’t done in awhile – brought an actual book with me to read on the train! Since I bought my baby computer back in March, that is really all I have brought with me for entertainment during the hour and twenty minutes (x2) commute. I use it to check emails, and surf the internet, but mostly, just to read blogs. I try to get all of that done on the train so that when I get home I can just chill with Steven, and leave the computer off.

I feel bad though! I have so many books at home (loaned to me), and here I am, choosing to read blogs during my commuting time, instead of books (to my credit, I try to read books at home, right now, it’s Thrive: The Vegan Nutrition Guide to Optimal Performance in Sports and Life). Blogs and books both keep me engaged and entertained, but is one better for me than the other? Hmm…

Anyway, that is not what I came here to write about today (on my commute, on my baby computer). Last week, I read on many blogs (ha) about the new book from Jonathan Safran Foer – Eating Animals. A small excerpt from the amazon description says, “Eating Animals explores the many fictions we use to justify our eating habits-from folklore to pop culture to family traditions and national myth-and how such tales can lull us into a brutal forgetting.” Check out the amazon site for a full description.

A lot of bloggers were writing about Natalie Portman’s post on the Huffington Post about how reading it made her vegan (if you have an hour or so to kill, the comments on that post are pretty heated and interesting). I was somewhat intrigued with her post, but didn’t think much of it.

But mention of the book keep popping up everywhere! Someone even pointed out that three vegan books, including this one (the other two are on my wishlist, wink wink), are in the Amazon Top 100 list. And yesterday, another blogger mentioned that the author of Eating Animals was doing a tour. I excitedly clicked over and saw that he would be in Chicago on November 18th, at the library that is two blocks from my office! (Event information is here).

I love, love, loved seeing speakers when I was at Iowa State University. I went to see Obama, Michael Moore, Morgan Spurlock, and countless others. I miss doing things like that! Steven was really enthusiastic about going to the reading as well, so he picked up a copy of the book for us to read before (and hopefully get signed!). Last night, I told Steven I hope there are some debates in the audience – it will be interesting to see what people have to say about this book!

Whoops. That story ended up a bit LONG.

So the big question is, am I going to read this, or use the baby computer to read blogs? For this early morning commute, it looks like the book wins – this pos computer didn’t charge last night!

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By kilax, January 2, 2009 10:55 am

What would you do for fun if you had to give up tv, movies, electronic games and the internet?

I think giving up those things would take some getting used to. But maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad goal for 2009?

I know I would like to:

• Spend more time with family and friends, preferably in person, or on the phone/email/letters
• Start playing the violin again
• Play board games/learn to play cards
• Read more books
• Spend more time running or pick up a new sport