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By kilax, January 7, 2010 4:56 am

Gossiping. We all do it from time to time. It’s so fun, yet so wrong… right?

There was an interesting article in the Wall Street Journal yesterday – “Killing Gossip with Kindness.” The article discussed methods teachers are using to quell student gossiping, rampant gossiping on the internet, and the merit of gossiping.

Quelling Gossiping in Schools

A teacher quoted in the article said kids today seem more sarcastic than past generations. She suggests to students that before saying something about someone else, to ask themselves, “Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?“

What a great triad of questions to remember. It seems obvious to think through these questions before you open your mouth, but of course, we don’t. And while I have to say – I think many kids are just MEAN – I believe this exercise would be helpful and develop good habits.

Rampant Gossiping on the Internet

The article mentions the plethora of gossip online, and how it can permanently tarnish your image – because it’s online forever. We bloggers are familiar with this. People seem to be apt to say things online, behind the safety of a computer screen, that they would NEVER say in real life.

Professor Daniel Solove*, who wrote a book about internet gossip, was quoted:

Given the times we live in, he says it can’t hurt to reinforce in our children the need to ask: “Is it kind? True? Necessary?” But he suspects that “we can’t make people nicer. So we need to keep pushing legal consequences.” He advocates the strengthening of laws against Internet irresponsibility, arguing that the specter of being sued is the best weapon to slow down malicious gossip.

Can you imagine being sued for what you say online? That seems like an invasion of freedom of speech, but hey, it wouldn’t surprise me.

The Merit of Gossiping

To me, the most interesting part of the article was the section with quotes from Professor Susan Hafen**. She argues for gossiping:

In her research, she has found that workplace gossip often serves a positive function. For instance, it helps people conform: When we gossip about someone who got fired, we learn what happens to people who break the rules.

At the same time, gossip is a social interaction. “Is it kind? Is it necessary? Those are good questions,” says Dr. Hafen. “But it would be a boring world if we always had to tiptoe around, being kind. For one thing, we wouldn’t be able to tell any jokes.”

More seriously, she says, prohibiting gossip that isn’t “kind” may be a way of “avoiding unpleasantness, of fence-sitting, of not rocking the boat. If we only tell kind stories about people, then we may be avoiding holding people responsible for their actions.”

That last sentence quoted is what I struggle with – keeping my mouth shut and letting other people get away with irresponsible behavior. No matter how hard you try to communicate your concern, it can still be perceived as an attack to the person, rather than a discussion of their actions (or lack thereof).

What do you think of the article? Are you going to ask yourself “Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?” Are internet laws against gossiping appropriate? Is there merit to gossiping? Do you think you need to cut back on gossiping? (please comment on what particularly interests you from the article!)

Overall, I can say I gossip much less than I used to, and that is a direct reaction to the work environment I entered in December of 2008. But, there ARE people who irk me the wrong way, ALL THE TIME, and boy, does Steven get to hear it. I make a conscious effort to try to say some nice things about them from time to time as well, but yeah, not all the time. I am going to start asking myself the three questions.

Bonus Question: Have you ever tried to remain neutral when with a group of people who are gossiping?

I have. You don’t say anything and they get VERY upset. It makes them feel bad. I’ve been in this situation a lot.

*From George Washington University Law School.
**A professor of communication at Webster State University in Ogden, Utah.

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By kilax, September 22, 2009 5:55 pm

My mom and dad both sent me separate emails asking what was going on (after reading my last post). Nothing! Oops. So I did exactly what I try not to do by writing that – make someone think I am withholding info. I’m not. Especially from them! Ha! I call them and blabber blabber blabber away.*

Thank you for your awesome comments. That was one of those posts where I thought, “hmm, maybe I shouldn’t have written that.” But I’d had it on my mind for about a year, and wanted to let it out. It’s older info. But sometimes, when I am trying to fall asleep at night, all of these thoughts fill my head and I have to get them out. So, here it comes, another weird thought:

Do you ever quit reading a blog because you feel like it’s bad for you?

A while ago, I subscribed to A LOT of health (i.e. “weight loss”) blogs. Some of them just contained news tidbits, but a lot of them were personal blogs of people struggling with weight loss. I was very much in the same boat (Ha! You probably remember those posts.) so I enjoyed reading them because I related so much.

But after awhile, especially when I focused more on running, I felt like some of the blogs became toxic to me. Reading someone’s constant, daily struggles with weight made me feel really weird. It made me feel bad. It was almost like I was feeling their daily anguish and frustration and disappointment, and it just made me feel… hopeless. It was strange. I had to put all of those blogs in a special folder in my google reader, and for now, I just mark them as “read” everyday until I am ready to look at them again.

It’s like they wore me out. It was too much of the same old thing. Which is ironic, because I get on those kicks all the time – health, bowling, running, travel… I talk in patterns. I think we all do a bit.

So I was just wondering if anyone else has had this happen. I’ve definitely stopped reading other blogs because I didn’t enjoy their style (which of course, is personal preference, and subjective), but this… was something different.

*oh, thanks for listening about my dentist bill, dad. I got it straightened away. They are covering the entire expense now.

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By kilax, September 13, 2009 8:20 am

I need a schedule. I need planned workouts to follow. Since the doctor has told me I can’t run (or use the elliptical) my workouts have been pretty lame, and infrequent. And it doesn’t help that they told me NOT to push myself when riding a bike. What is the point of working out if I am not going to feel all tired and drained and sore?! I’m so frustrated. I miss the ease of running. Hauling my workout clothes to and from the city, so I can use the office gym, is not convenient. But, it’s FREE.

At least I was able to get a little running fix from meeting up with a fellow running blogger, Mica, on Friday.

Kim + Mica + the Flamingo

I have to admit, I’ve had a pretty big girl crush on Mica since I started reading her blog. Her hilarious entries have caused me to laugh out loud on the train (where I always try to follow the rule “silence is golden”), and I may be guilty of talking about her a bit to Steven, as in, “Steven, you have to read what she wrote, it’s so funny, ha ha, snort snort, giggle.”

The meet-up was exactly how I hoped it would be! Mica was just as funny, honest, and real in person. I discovered I relate to her on a lot of levels, and that immediately made me feel comfortable around her. I love making connections like that. Plus, her boyfriend, Harrison, was nice enough to put up with me as well. He was just as friendly and open. Damn. Why can’t I meet more people like this who live here?

Thanks for meeting with me, Mica and Harrison!

And, thank you to all of you running bloggers whose stories I follow and keep me excited about running while I am healing!

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By kilax, July 27, 2009 5:34 am

Last night’s meet-up with Nilsa, Tori, Kevin and Sizzle was a total blast! It was my first time meeting both Nilsa and Sizzle. Nilsa and her husband were gracious enough to host us in their beautiful Chicago home and feed us wonderful food! Nilsa is so fresh and down to earth. I can imagine having lots of long conversations with her. And sizzle is so animated! She is a wonderful story teller and so much fun! I always feel refreshed and excited after meeting up with bloggers. I wish I could do it more often!

Tori, Me, Sizzle, Nilsa and Kevin in the front.

Steven chatted with SoMi all night. Just kidding. He loves meeting other bloggers too!

We had college friends over two weekends ago that made me feel the same way – stimulated by discussion, excited, and energetic. The thing is, we hardly EVER see them. Coordinating a visit with them takes a lot – it’s kind of stressful. But we always have so much fun with them then say, “Why don’t we see each other more often?!”

It is because we are also so busy and wrapped up in our own lives. We don’t always make the time to do fun get-togethers like this. We let our crazy schedules get in the way. Well, I do anyway.

I don’t want to be like this. But I don’t want to have a super packed schedule either. The month of July has been really stressful for me because all of our weekends have been packed with activities. Balance. It’s always about balance…