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By kilax, March 5, 2010 4:37 am

What is one thing you should get rid of, but probably never will?

You know, I have had this question stored as a draft for a long time. I wanted to ask it, but didn’t have my own answer! I love to throw away/give away/donate things, so it took me awhile to come up with something. But I figured it out when I was reading Marcia’s post questioning whether or not she should get rid of her running clothes.

One thing I should get rid of, but probably never will, is my running bibs!

After a race, I tape the bib (and sometimes medal!) up on a wall in my closet. Then I print out a picture to put next to the bib. When I get dressed in the morning, I feel inspired looking at them!

But, what is going to happen when I fill up the wall? Move on to the ceiling?!

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By kilax, February 26, 2010 5:17 am

Do you have blogger friends who have turned into “in-real life” friends? If yes, do you consider these friendships any different than those that developed more conventionally? What do you tell people when they ask how you developed the friendship? If no, what are you waiting for have you ever thought about what it would be like to meet a fellow blogger in real life?

As I mentioned on Monday, most of our Chicago friends are bloggers!  So, yes – they have turned into “in real life” friends!

And I don’t consider them any different than friends we have met more conventionally. In fact, I dare say that bloggers are easier to keep in touch with – they’re more likely to respond to email, and of course, you communicate through your blogs.

I’m not saying it’s a replacement for meeting friends more conventionally (maybe this is a conventional method, who knows), but that for me, it turns into a more sustainable friendship. The question is, does the friendship remain when one person quits blogging? Hmm…

I’ve told everyone about my blog, except coworkers, so I am pretty open about sharing how I’ve met people (except with coworkers). You can really tell when people “don’t get it” though! It’s the same people who ask “why would you want to write a blog?” and look at you with blank stares.

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By kilax, February 19, 2010 4:54 am

Are you an asker? When you want something (a raise, a refund, better service, directions, forgiveness, a date, someone to treat you differently, etc.) do you ask for it immediately or do you hesitate?

There was a story in the March issue of Women’s Health about an author who was going to a party to celebrate the publication of her first book. On the way to the party, she ran into a famous columnist – Maureen Dowd – in the airport. She got up the nerve to ask Dowd to attend her party and Dowd accepted and attended, and the two developed a relationship. The author wrote:

I shudder to think of what an awesome connection I would have missed making had I not worked up the nerve to approach Maureen. But all too often, fear gets in the way of bravery. Think about it: When was the last time you asked for something with big risks and potentially big consequences? The kind of ask that can make your heart pound and your palms sweat, such as asking for a promotion, asking for forgiveness, or—scariest of all—asking a guy out on a date?

I love that! Don’t let fear get in the way of bravery! And I have to include the last two paragraphs of the article:

As with most things in life, the more you do something, the easier it becomes. So start small and build up to the Big Ask. When my family and I go to a restaurant and don’t like our table, I’m the one who asks to move. I ask for directions and for advice from strangers. I even ask to use the discount-club card of the person standing next to me in the line at the grocery store if I’ve forgotten mine.

Here are a few things I’ve learned about asking: The minute you’re afraid to ask for something is when you should do it. It’s nice to offer something in return, even if it’s just a compliment or a kind gesture. It also helps to take a few deep breaths and imagine the worst possible outcome. Usually, it’s simply getting a no, which is not exactly life threatening. Whether the result is life changing (like it was with Maureen Dowd) or disappointing, asking is always a significant accomplishment. Because if you ask me, it’s the questions in life—not the answers—that really count.

I AM an asker. When I want something, I do ask for it. Sure, I get the nerves and the pounding-heart, but I know it would bother me more in the end, NOT to have asked*, then to hear “no” or not reach a solution by asking.

I mentioned on Monday, I have asked for items to give away here. Many have said no or not gotten back to me. But I kept at it, and received that awesome necklace to give away.

At my last job, I found myself frequently talking to my bosses about company policy and how their decisions affected me. I know that seems bold, or maybe out of place, but to me, it felt better to get things off my chest. Now, I commonly find myself being the “voice for the group,” when other people don’t want to speak up.

I either lack a filter I should have, or am simply not shy. But I cannot remember a time when asking has caused me any harm!

*A few months ago Erin and I had lunch out, and the waiter threw away my leftovers instead of boxing them up like I asked. I didn’t want to… get nasty (let’s say) in front of Erin, so I didn’t ask for a refund. I wish I would have. That was effin’ bs and I am still pissed about it.

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By kilax, February 12, 2010 5:35 am

What traits do you admire most in other people? Whose personality do you find extraordinary?

Confession – I stole the idea for this Friday question directly from this article – “6 Personality Traits to Admire and Acquire.” The author talks about how she’s always writing articles about negative personalities, so why not cover some of the positive ones? You know, those people you just feel wonderful around, and bring out the best in you.

The six personality traits listed in the article are:

1. Selflessness
2. Tolerance
3. Genuineness
4. Sensitivity
5. Integrity
6. Humility

What a great list. Most of those traits focus on considering others – which I think so many people don’t do. Just think of how different people would act if they first considered how their actions affect others!

Anyway, I would add to the list:

1. kindness
2. generous
3. open-minded (similar to tolerance)
4. hard-working
5. enthusiastic
6. fun-loving

Our neighbors are like this. They’re incredibly generous and loving to everyone. We feel lucky to know people like them! Too bad they are moving to New Mexico. I’m really sad for us, but very happy for them at the same time.

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By kilax, February 5, 2010 4:56 am

What is your opinion on therapy? Have you ever been to a therapist? If yes, did you find it helpful? If no, have you ever thought about going?

This question is inspired by Stef’s Wednesday post. Check out her post for the full context, but this part stuck with me:

It saddens me to know that many people still consider it to be cowardly to seek treatment for mental health problems. Like some of the other commenters said, mental health should be no different than physical health. If I had cancer, would people tell me to just use my willpower to fight off the disease? Would it be shameful or “cowardly” to get chemotherapy? Doubtful.

I instantly thought about one of Jillian Michaels’ podcasts - she was talking about how we have coaches for sports, and mentors at work, but there is still a stigma behind therapy, when really, it’s just a “life coach.” She said we should ALL have life coaches. I really love that comparison.

And that is how I think about therapy now – as coaching, or guidance. It’s someone you talk to, who is able to look at your situation from a different perspective. Sometimes you need this outside perspective, sometimes you can see it on your own. But either way, there is nothing wrong with seeking help. We all get in bad places from time to time, and are not always able to pull ourselves out on our own.

I have had 50/50 luck with my three therapy experiences. I had an awful therapist my sophomore year of college. I was dealing with the stress of just getting into the grueling architecture program, and she didn’t really listen to me, or give me any useful feedback. I quit seeing her.

During my junior year of college, I was still dealing with anxiety, and really connected with my second therapist (I believe making that connection with the therapist is so important – if you don’t feel it, it’s not going to work), and was making a lot of progress… but then we had a meeting with my parents and she told them something I specifically asked her NOT to. So, I didn’t trust her anymore (you can read more about that time in my life here – I discuss an anxiety drug she put me on).

My last therapy experience (last summer/fall) went really well, and I felt like she helped me see things in my life from a different perspective, and help me balance out my moods a bit more and NOT strive for perfection (I’m just a little bit Type A!*).

So, I do find therapy helpful, but it is kind of about what YOU bring to it. And since I tend to get there and just SPILL it all out, I think that has helped me.

Do you want to hear my thoughts on my last therapy experience? Click “continue reading” to read more…

Continue reading 'Friday Question #99'»

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By kilax, January 29, 2010 5:10 am

What hobbies would you pursue if money was of no concern?

This week I was talking to Erin about how I wanted to make a saffron couscous dish but decided not to when I saw that saffron was about $10 for a freaking teaspoon. In fact, I could not even tell how much saffron was in the jar. It was a normal, tall glass spice jar, but it just had this teeny little black bag in it. Ooo… how much is in the little black bag?!?!?!

I told Erin it will be nice when I am older, have more money saved up, and don’t have to fret over buying a $10 jar of spices.

So, of course, this got me thinking… what hobbies would I really get into if I didn’t have to worry about the money?

• Cooking with lots of different, exotic foods/spices
• Travel (DUH!)
• Skydiving (solo!)



• Target Shooting
• Scuba Diving
• Photography*
• Yoga*
• Pampering Myself* (spa, massages, regular haircuts)

I wonder if we will share any of the same things on our lists!

*Hard to know, since I cannot afford to get into them NOW.

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By kilax, January 22, 2010 4:45 am

Do you ever dine alone in restaurants? If yes, do you like it, or feel awkward? If no, why not?

I got used to dining alone when I lived by myself in Rome. I mostly ate at home, but every once in awhile, I would get a small meal for myself and sit and eat it in the restaurant. It is completely different there though! Sitting and eating in a restaurant in Rome means sitting outside in the sun, watching the Italians and tourists in their daily activities.

Now, I only eat alone in restaurants if I am traveling for work. I like it. It’s nice to sit down and relax for a bit, and not have to talk to anyone. The only problem is that I tend to eat even faster, since I am not talking to anyone.

I think a lot of people don’t like eating alone in restaurants, hence the article “How not to feel humiliated when dining alone.” The article gives 8 tips on how to make dining alone more pleasurable:

1. Be Bookish – come with reading material
2. Try the Bar – eat at the bar with other singletons
3. Exude Confidence – be proud of the fact you’re eating alone
4. Eavesdrop - tune in to other conversations for fun
5. Befriend Your Blackberry
6. Go, Team!- get involved by watching sports
7. Think Like a Food Critic – pretend you are reviewing the restaurant
8. Life is Short, Enjoy the Steak Tofu – relax and enjoy yourself

What tips would you add? Here is my tip – don’t force yourself to eat alone in a restaurant if you don’t want to!

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By kilax, January 15, 2010 6:17 am

Do you plan out your meals for the week? Or do you eat on the fly?

Here is what I am trying to figure out – how you all do it. So many bloggers I read say they plan out their meals for the week (that was a big tip on last week’s Friday Question) – it saves them time, money (they can stick to a shopping list), and helps them stay on a healthy diet. Maybe the question should be:

How the hell do you know what you will want to eat a week (or a few days) in advance?

Seriously! Steven and I have list of meals we rotate through (in no particular order), but some nights, we don’t know what we want to eat. We have to discuss it. We have certain staples we keep in the pantry that allow us to make dishes on the fly. And we do tend to cook more over the weekend so we can use the leftovers during the week, but we never sit down and plan out our (dinner) meals. It’s more like a phone call (or email) at 5:00 pm – “Thai sound good?” or “How about pizza tonight?!”

I do tend to eat the same thing for breakfast and a rotate through similar items for lunch. I guess I am assuming people are talking about planning their dinners?

Note: After writing this, I read Kara’s post on the same topic! She is setting a goal to start meal planning. Check out her post!

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By kilax, January 8, 2010 4:26 am

What are your tips for reducing spending?

Two Mondays ago, I mentioned that we cut back on spending in 2009, and Chez Julie asked me to share some of my tips. What a great idea!

I have a lot of tips and I bet commenters will too – so don’t feel bad if you can’t read them all – PLEASE SHARE your ideas!

I broke my tips into three categories: Shopping, Entertainment and General. Click “more” to read (skim, really) on.

Continue reading 'Friday Question #95'»

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By kilax, January 1, 2010 11:57 am

What was your biggest accomplishment in 2009?

I saw this question yesterday all over the blogosphere and loved reading everyone’s answers, so I would love to hear yours as well!

When I was answering this question yesterday, I kept saying that the accomplishment I was most proud of is running my first half marathon in under 2 hours and feeling great afterward.

The more I think about it though, I think maybe my biggest accomplishment was dealing with the setback of being injured and not being able to run, and coming back from that by the end of the year. And not just coming back to running, but getting myself out of a funk.

I hurt my wrist in July, which didn’t affect my running that much, but I had to keep it in a brace and I became very frustrated with doing things around the house. I stopped taking care of myself as well. I really shut myself out from my friends in August. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone – I didn’t feel like I had anything positive to say. I had to stop running completely in September, and I ended up spending two months not being very active.

I’m not telling this very well, but I was in a super funk for a few months of the summer, and finally came out of it in the fall (I think after we watched the Chicago Marathon). I learned a lot about my body and what it can and cannot handle. I learned how to be more open with my friends. I learned how to handle stress better.

I really feel like I’ve turned a corner, and made some huge accomplishments towards being more stable in my health and emotional-state. I am really hoping 2010 won’t be as bumpy of a ride! But if it is, I feel like I’ve learned some new tools on how to handle it.