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By kilax, January 7, 2010 4:56 am

Gossiping. We all do it from time to time. It’s so fun, yet so wrong… right?

There was an interesting article in the Wall Street Journal yesterday – “Killing Gossip with Kindness.” The article discussed methods teachers are using to quell student gossiping, rampant gossiping on the internet, and the merit of gossiping.

Quelling Gossiping in Schools

A teacher quoted in the article said kids today seem more sarcastic than past generations. She suggests to students that before saying something about someone else, to ask themselves, “Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?“

What a great triad of questions to remember. It seems obvious to think through these questions before you open your mouth, but of course, we don’t. And while I have to say – I think many kids are just MEAN – I believe this exercise would be helpful and develop good habits.

Rampant Gossiping on the Internet

The article mentions the plethora of gossip online, and how it can permanently tarnish your image – because it’s online forever. We bloggers are familiar with this. People seem to be apt to say things online, behind the safety of a computer screen, that they would NEVER say in real life.

Professor Daniel Solove*, who wrote a book about internet gossip, was quoted:

Given the times we live in, he says it can’t hurt to reinforce in our children the need to ask: “Is it kind? True? Necessary?” But he suspects that “we can’t make people nicer. So we need to keep pushing legal consequences.” He advocates the strengthening of laws against Internet irresponsibility, arguing that the specter of being sued is the best weapon to slow down malicious gossip.

Can you imagine being sued for what you say online? That seems like an invasion of freedom of speech, but hey, it wouldn’t surprise me.

The Merit of Gossiping

To me, the most interesting part of the article was the section with quotes from Professor Susan Hafen**. She argues for gossiping:

In her research, she has found that workplace gossip often serves a positive function. For instance, it helps people conform: When we gossip about someone who got fired, we learn what happens to people who break the rules.

At the same time, gossip is a social interaction. “Is it kind? Is it necessary? Those are good questions,” says Dr. Hafen. “But it would be a boring world if we always had to tiptoe around, being kind. For one thing, we wouldn’t be able to tell any jokes.”

More seriously, she says, prohibiting gossip that isn’t “kind” may be a way of “avoiding unpleasantness, of fence-sitting, of not rocking the boat. If we only tell kind stories about people, then we may be avoiding holding people responsible for their actions.”

That last sentence quoted is what I struggle with – keeping my mouth shut and letting other people get away with irresponsible behavior. No matter how hard you try to communicate your concern, it can still be perceived as an attack to the person, rather than a discussion of their actions (or lack thereof).

What do you think of the article? Are you going to ask yourself “Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?” Are internet laws against gossiping appropriate? Is there merit to gossiping? Do you think you need to cut back on gossiping? (please comment on what particularly interests you from the article!)

Overall, I can say I gossip much less than I used to, and that is a direct reaction to the work environment I entered in December of 2008. But, there ARE people who irk me the wrong way, ALL THE TIME, and boy, does Steven get to hear it. I make a conscious effort to try to say some nice things about them from time to time as well, but yeah, not all the time. I am going to start asking myself the three questions.

Bonus Question: Have you ever tried to remain neutral when with a group of people who are gossiping?

I have. You don’t say anything and they get VERY upset. It makes them feel bad. I’ve been in this situation a lot.

*From George Washington University Law School.
**A professor of communication at Webster State University in Ogden, Utah.

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By kilax, December 18, 2009 5:35 am

How do you find new blogs to read and what makes you subscribe to a blog? Or is your feed reader maxed out with “no vacancies”?

I love having a lot of blogs to read. I spend 2.5+ hours on the train on weekdays and it keeps me entertained.

And I feel like I have been finding a lot of great ones lately! My method on finding new blogs is by reading the comments on the other blogs I subscribe to (when I have time or the topic is really something I want to see what people are saying about)… if someone is saying something I can relate to, I go check out their blog. And often, when I am there, I may find links to other blogs I may enjoy. Sometimes, I can’t even remember how I ended up at a blog in the first place!

The first thing I do when I go to a new blog is check out their “About” page. Then I usually check out their writing style and see if the topics they talk about interest me. If they do, I put their blog in a “TBD” folder in my reader to check out for awhile and see if enjoy their blog.

Of course, from time to time, I get new commenters, and I always go check out their blog as well, and often, I end up subscribing.

I go through phases where I am looking for new blogs to read, just for fun, and then I go through phases where I cannot stay caught up with reader, and am not looking at all. And of course, I continually purge – I unsubscribe to those that ended up not suiting my taste. If I didn’t do that, I would get way too overwhelmed. Reading blogs is supposed to be fun, after all!

I have been continually updating my blogroll, and may move it to its own page at some point in time. I’ll keep you posted. (Does anyone else look at blogrolls besides me?)

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By kilax, November 23, 2009 6:57 am

This weekend, while the boys were doing this,

Steven working on the Datsun

this,

Dad working on the Datsun

and this,

Data watching over us

my mom, grandma and I were doing this,

Visiting Millennium Park (and downtown Chicago)

this,

Since Christina couldn’t be there, mom talked to her on the phone while she frosted cookies.

this,

Mom wraps the gifts while Data watches

and this,

Posing for silly photos so we won’t lose our minds

with finished products like this

Sample plate of goodies
(We ended up making vegan sugar cookies, vegan chocolate chip cookies, peanut butter kisses, peanut clusters (some vegan), caramel popcorn (some vegan), butterscotch num nums, vegan chex mix, and (pre-made) toffee)

and this.

Mica’s Prize

And now it’s all over! I’m always sad to see family (or friends) go – it’s a fun change of pace to have more people in the house. But I would be lying if I told you I wasn’t looking forward to resting and sitting on my ass tonight!

It’s funny how spending two whole days with my mom and grandma really made our similarities and differences stand out. And you could say that about spending concentrated chunks of time with anyone – not just family. Take college roommates for example. After just a full day or so together, you realize whether or not you have the same methods of doing things and whether you were raised with the same values. It’s things as simple as how you clean, or how often you clean, and how you communicate about it.

Obviously, I have more specific examples from this weekend, but I don’t think it would be nice to talk about them here. It was just interesting to me to see which family traits (or values and methods) I’ve held on to, and which I have modified. Some of it has to do with food choices, like the on-going (for years) butter vs. margarine debate, and some of it had to do with conflicting personality characteristics – not conflicting because they’re different, but because they’re the same. Maybe I can write about that at a later date.

These last two paragraphs make it sound like I didn’t have a great time, when really, I did. It’s just that I don’t see my family very often, and I rarely get them all to myself, so I just feel like our interactions are more intense, because they’re so rare.

Anyway, have you had an experience with someone else that really made your similarities and differences stand out?

And now it’s time to tackle google reader and email. How long will it take me to read 340 new posts? Ha. I’ll get through them, but don’t be surprised (or offended!) if you see me commenting on posts a few days old. I haven’t logged in to reader since Thursday night, or even spent much time on the computer.

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By kilax, November 4, 2009 6:02 am

I did something I haven’t done in awhile – brought an actual book with me to read on the train! Since I bought my baby computer back in March, that is really all I have brought with me for entertainment during the hour and twenty minutes (x2) commute. I use it to check emails, and surf the internet, but mostly, just to read blogs. I try to get all of that done on the train so that when I get home I can just chill with Steven, and leave the computer off.

I feel bad though! I have so many books at home (loaned to me), and here I am, choosing to read blogs during my commuting time, instead of books (to my credit, I try to read books at home, right now, it’s Thrive: The Vegan Nutrition Guide to Optimal Performance in Sports and Life). Blogs and books both keep me engaged and entertained, but is one better for me than the other? Hmm…

Anyway, that is not what I came here to write about today (on my commute, on my baby computer). Last week, I read on many blogs (ha) about the new book from Jonathan Safran Foer – Eating Animals. A small excerpt from the amazon description says, “Eating Animals explores the many fictions we use to justify our eating habits-from folklore to pop culture to family traditions and national myth-and how such tales can lull us into a brutal forgetting.” Check out the amazon site for a full description.

A lot of bloggers were writing about Natalie Portman’s post on the Huffington Post about how reading it made her vegan (if you have an hour or so to kill, the comments on that post are pretty heated and interesting). I was somewhat intrigued with her post, but didn’t think much of it.

But mention of the book keep popping up everywhere! Someone even pointed out that three vegan books, including this one (the other two are on my wishlist, wink wink), are in the Amazon Top 100 list. And yesterday, another blogger mentioned that the author of Eating Animals was doing a tour. I excitedly clicked over and saw that he would be in Chicago on November 18th, at the library that is two blocks from my office! (Event information is here).

I love, love, loved seeing speakers when I was at Iowa State University. I went to see Obama, Michael Moore, Morgan Spurlock, and countless others. I miss doing things like that! Steven was really enthusiastic about going to the reading as well, so he picked up a copy of the book for us to read before (and hopefully get signed!). Last night, I told Steven I hope there are some debates in the audience – it will be interesting to see what people have to say about this book!

Whoops. That story ended up a bit LONG.

So the big question is, am I going to read this, or use the baby computer to read blogs? For this early morning commute, it looks like the book wins – this pos computer didn’t charge last night!

Comments (18)

By kilax, May 4, 2009 5:56 am

Everyone in my office has a Blackberry. I think it is a great tool, when used correctly. I especially like using the calendar in it, as well as previewing emails before I get into the office. I was really excited when I got mine, back in December.

That was before I really had any use for it.

Now it just serves as a constant reminder of how many “unread” emails I have (I read them and mark them as unread if there is something I need to act on) and how much work I have to do.

Yesterday I looked at my Blackberry and started saying, “shit shit shit.” My mom was there and of course, wanted to know what I was “shit shit shitting” about. Just work stuff mom…

I am in an all day business training every day this week. I need this training to get a certification in my office, so it is really important that I attend. And I am honestly looking forward at being away from my desk all week.

But… that doesn’t mean my regular job is going to do itself while I am out all week! I was “shit shit shitting” about the emails I received this weekend. They were all regarding things that have to be taken care of this morning, which means I had to get up extra early, to make it into the office at 7:00, before my 8:30 training starts, to get these things done… blah blah blah.

I stressed out about all of this for an hour or so yesterday, then told myself – just get done what you can. I am someone who likes to have everything completed and have a clean slate to start the day. That’s just not possible anymore.

Even though I know that though, I still try.

On a related note, I am going to be super busy this week and probably won’t be reading blogs on my lunch break like I normally am. So… the 700+ unread blog entries in my reader is just going to keep growing! I am sorry I’ve been MIA! I’ll get there! You might just be seeing a ton of comments at once from me!

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By kilax, April 29, 2009 6:43 am

Look! Another meme! I’ve seen this one going around the internet A LOT lately, and I finally got tagged for it… by Bethany!

I have to be honest. I usually skim memes. Or just mark them as read. So if you do the same for me, I understand.

Although, this one was interesting to fill out, because I really had to think hard about what to put on these lists! And I am sure as the day goes on, I will think of even more things to add.

8 Things I am looking forward to:

1. The Kenosha Half Marathon this Saturday!
2. Seeing my parents this weekend.
3. Going to SELF’s Workout in the Park with Diane on 5/16.
4. Spending time on the Mississippi River this summer.
5. Going to Disney World in January.
6. Doing the 30 Day Shred for 30 consecutive days (starting 5/1) and getting shredded!
7. Trying a vegan diet.
8. Seeing X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Star Trek, Angels & Demons, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Terminator Salvation this summer.

8 Things I did yesterday:

1. Got caught up at work!!!
2. Blogged. Read blogs. Added new blogs to my reader. Felt guilty for being addicted to blogging.
3. Talked to my coworker about doing a sprint triathlon.
4. Listened to Jillian Michaels’s podcast.
5. Ran 4 miles with Steven.
6. Ate homemade Mexican Food for dinner.
7. Got sick and spent a lot of time on the toilet.
8. Started watching Lady in the Water and wondered, “Is this lame movie going anywhere?!?!”

8 Things I wish I could will do*:

1. Run a marathon in 2009.
2. Finish logging in my IDP** credits.
3. Learn how to style my hair.
4. Work harder at communication with Steven.
5. Experiment more in the kitchen.
6. Try yoga. Try slowing down.
7. Maintain my weight loss.
8. Get more sleep!

8 Shows I watch:

1. I don’t watch television, but I do own all 6 seasons of Sex and the City.

Play along if you want!

*Modified that one a bit!
**It’s an architecture thing.