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By kilax, October 19, 2009 12:52 pm

More and more, it’s become aware to me how many people (myself included) will treat the same situation differently, depending on who is involved. I know, I know, it’s obvious. I guess what I should say is, it has become more aware as to how UNFAIR it is. Why give one person leeway when you won’t to another?

I’ll give you an example (I wish I could give you my really good ones, but it wouldn’t be appropriate). In college, one of my close friends NEVER answered my calls or texts. NEVER! I had to wait for her to call me. If anyone else did that to me (now, then, ever) it would piss me off to no end, and I would just quit trying to communicate with them. But with her, for some reason, I didn’t really care.*

I still notice myself doing this now. If person A does X, I get more upset than if person B does X. And in the future, I may act differently around person A entirely.

I think I do this because I subconsciously evaluate who I think people are in my head, then expect them to act a certain way. Here’s another example – my mother is often late… so I’ve come to expect that as part of her character. Now, if anyone else is late? Boy, I am not happy.

It’s not fair to expect people to act a certain way or do a certain thing, especially if you don’t have the opportunity to talk to them about it. Everyone gets to live life their own way, and dealing with different types of people is part of the fun (right… right?).

Of course, there’s more to it than all this. Sometimes it’s better to expect more of someone (like in a work situation) so they improve. Sometimes the reason you treat someone differently is because there is a history between you or some sort of communication breakdown.

But sometimes, it’s just because you’re being unreasonable.

Do you do this? Has it happened to you? It has certainly happened to me – that is what inspired me to write this. I kind of had an “Aha!” moment today. But I can’t be too upset about it, because I do it myself!

(And just so you know, I’m talking about people I’ve had multiple encounters with here, not people I’ve just met.)

P.S. Does this make ANY sense?

*Actually, there were a lot of things about her that bothered me, but we had the most fun together. I think it is because when something bothered me about her, I just told her (Like her gum smacking, hated it. I made her spit out her gum when she was in my house if she couldn’t close her mouth. Bitchy much?), and she did the same for me.

Comments (13)

By kilax, October 1, 2009 12:36 pm

If you had the opportunity to know what someone truly thought of you, would you want to know?

I wouldn’t want to know what people are thinking all the time, but I do often wonder how people perceive me (coworkers, friends, strangers, family).

And I am not fishing for compliments and input. Just sharing a thought.

I sometimes think if I knew how people perceive me, I would learn a little more about myself*. Not that I think everyone’s perception is spot on. I’ve just noticed that some people I know think of themselves in a certain manner, and broadcast who they think they are. But they don’t come off that way. At all.

I’ll use my personal example. I think of myself as an optimistic, happy, friendly person, but sometimes find myself talking about things in a negative manner (maybe this post came off that way?). So… I am either really a negative pessimistic person, or I need to change how I communicate.

But, how would I know, unless someone pointed that out to me? Maybe I should offer a different question – does anyone in your life claim to have certain characteristics, but not come off that way at all? Have you ever wanted to say anything to them about it?

Does this make any sense at ALL?! I’m not sure, but I’m going to hit “publish” anyway.

*Because I sometimes feel like I don’t really know who I am or what I want. I seem to be stuck in the short term – I want to relax, have fun, travel, spend time with friends and family… what is that?! Those aren’t life goals.

Comments (20)

By kilax, September 22, 2009 5:55 pm

My mom and dad both sent me separate emails asking what was going on (after reading my last post). Nothing! Oops. So I did exactly what I try not to do by writing that – make someone think I am withholding info. I’m not. Especially from them! Ha! I call them and blabber blabber blabber away.*

Thank you for your awesome comments. That was one of those posts where I thought, “hmm, maybe I shouldn’t have written that.” But I’d had it on my mind for about a year, and wanted to let it out. It’s older info. But sometimes, when I am trying to fall asleep at night, all of these thoughts fill my head and I have to get them out. So, here it comes, another weird thought:

Do you ever quit reading a blog because you feel like it’s bad for you?

A while ago, I subscribed to A LOT of health (i.e. “weight loss”) blogs. Some of them just contained news tidbits, but a lot of them were personal blogs of people struggling with weight loss. I was very much in the same boat (Ha! You probably remember those posts.) so I enjoyed reading them because I related so much.

But after awhile, especially when I focused more on running, I felt like some of the blogs became toxic to me. Reading someone’s constant, daily struggles with weight made me feel really weird. It made me feel bad. It was almost like I was feeling their daily anguish and frustration and disappointment, and it just made me feel… hopeless. It was strange. I had to put all of those blogs in a special folder in my google reader, and for now, I just mark them as “read” everyday until I am ready to look at them again.

It’s like they wore me out. It was too much of the same old thing. Which is ironic, because I get on those kicks all the time – health, bowling, running, travel… I talk in patterns. I think we all do a bit.

So I was just wondering if anyone else has had this happen. I’ve definitely stopped reading other blogs because I didn’t enjoy their style (which of course, is personal preference, and subjective), but this… was something different.

*oh, thanks for listening about my dentist bill, dad. I got it straightened away. They are covering the entire expense now.

Comments (16)

By kilax, September 21, 2009 6:43 pm

Not really sure where this is coming from… but it’s been on my mind for awhile.

Have you ever had someone withhold important information from you, and later found out, either because they finally told you, or you heard it somewhere else*? They aren’t lying, but when you find out, your first reaction almost always ends up being “why didn’t you tell me sooner (or when it happened)?” and you’re not really able to process the information as you naturally would, because you feel somewhat betrayed.

I think part of this may be a personality thing, but it just baffles me, because I have the type of personality where I will talk to almost anyone about almost anything. Not much is taboo with me. As long as the person is non-judgmental, I’m an open book. I like to share.

BUT. I learned something new about myself last year – there are people in my life I don’t feel comfortable sharing my full self with, because of their judgment. It only takes so many ill reactions to teach me to be a different version of myself around certain people. And I find myself doing the thing I most despise – not sharing important details and news, because I don’t want to deal with a reaction to it. Or maybe still presenting the details and news, but in a manner different than I would with someone I feel more comfortable around.

Doing this makes you feel secretive and protective of your personal information. You become defensive of everything you think, say or do. You feel uncomfortable and on edge. Yuck.

So. Could I be any more vague? Basically, I feel really upset when someone feels like they can’t tell me something important, and I often think it is just because they are an inconsiderate person. But here I am, doing it on purpose. I’ve tried to make these instances two separate things in my head, to justify what I am doing, but I can’t. It’s the same thing. It happens so infrequently that I rarely think about it, but it’s still there.

So yeah. I have nothing to say (And I didn’t even get into wanting to share information but having to withhold it because it’s not yours to share. Ugh.).

In this instance, I am talking about your personal life, but I know it happens at work too.

Comments (15)

By kilax, May 10, 2009 8:20 am

This Mother’s Day, while thinking about my mother, I am especially focusing on one of the defining characteristics of a mother – she is someone who always puts others (her family) first.

Does this define your mom? It defines my mom to a T. Even though we are all grown now, she is still running around, helping everyone out, before she does what she wants to do. She thinks about everyone else’s well-being before her own. It’s amazing that our mothers (and fathers!) are so selfless. I’ll have to call my mother today and thank her for that.

Seeing her act this way has taught me to be considerate of other people’s thoughts, feelings and agenda. People need to feel special, and they feel special when you give them attention and show interest in their interests. Our parents are probably the people who are most able to make us feel special, because we almost always feel like they are focused on us (except for when the grandchildren are around). I mean, who else will drive 250 miles to watch you run your first half marathon, take home your broken down car and look the other way when you eat enough food all weekend for everyone who ran the race?

Bye bye Kimbot II!!!

I am lucky to have such great parents!

Okay, I lied, there are actual TWO things I am focusing on this Mother’s Day. The other thing is what a goober my mother is, how much she likes to have fun, and how she makes me feel like it is okay to be silly and enjoy life! Life is much more fun if you are able to laugh at something each day (hence the tagline – the most wasted of all days is one without laughter).

My mom and I do this hilarious (we think) thing when we sign our emails to one another. I am not sure who started it. Probably her (see –  I learned to be goofy from her!). It started off with simple closings like “hugs and kisses, mom” but then that turned into (see some examples below):

Continue reading 'It’s all about the closing / Happy Mother’s Day!'»

Comments (15)

By kilax, April 29, 2009 6:43 am

Look! Another meme! I’ve seen this one going around the internet A LOT lately, and I finally got tagged for it… by Bethany!

I have to be honest. I usually skim memes. Or just mark them as read. So if you do the same for me, I understand.

Although, this one was interesting to fill out, because I really had to think hard about what to put on these lists! And I am sure as the day goes on, I will think of even more things to add.

8 Things I am looking forward to:

1. The Kenosha Half Marathon this Saturday!
2. Seeing my parents this weekend.
3. Going to SELF’s Workout in the Park with Diane on 5/16.
4. Spending time on the Mississippi River this summer.
5. Going to Disney World in January.
6. Doing the 30 Day Shred for 30 consecutive days (starting 5/1) and getting shredded!
7. Trying a vegan diet.
8. Seeing X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Star Trek, Angels & Demons, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Terminator Salvation this summer.

8 Things I did yesterday:

1. Got caught up at work!!!
2. Blogged. Read blogs. Added new blogs to my reader. Felt guilty for being addicted to blogging.
3. Talked to my coworker about doing a sprint triathlon.
4. Listened to Jillian Michaels’s podcast.
5. Ran 4 miles with Steven.
6. Ate homemade Mexican Food for dinner.
7. Got sick and spent a lot of time on the toilet.
8. Started watching Lady in the Water and wondered, “Is this lame movie going anywhere?!?!”

8 Things I wish I could will do*:

1. Run a marathon in 2009.
2. Finish logging in my IDP** credits.
3. Learn how to style my hair.
4. Work harder at communication with Steven.
5. Experiment more in the kitchen.
6. Try yoga. Try slowing down.
7. Maintain my weight loss.
8. Get more sleep!

8 Shows I watch:

1. I don’t watch television, but I do own all 6 seasons of Sex and the City.

Play along if you want!

*Modified that one a bit!
**It’s an architecture thing.

Comments (23)

By kilax, April 12, 2009 7:03 am

What’s with the SUPER long posts lately? And having more than one post in a day? I think what I really need to work on is my blogging addiction!

Well, it’s Easter, so it must be time for the big recap post on Lent.

Basically, you can read this list here and just imagine that all it says is “give up sugar treats,” because that is ALL that I was successful at for Lent (since 2/25 – I didn’t cheat on Sundays). I did have a few granola bars with bits of chocolate, and sports beans, but other than that, I completely gave up cookies, chocolate, soda, muffins, candy, and so on… and I feel GREAT!

I am about to spend the day making cookies, but I don’t think I’ll eat any. I am probably going to wait and have a sweet treat after my office’s Biggest Loser Challenge ends on Wednesday (there are 3 boxes of Girl Scouts cookies waiting to be eaten in my house). I plan on staying off the soda, and only having it on special occasions.

As for the rest of the list? A lot of it had to do with attitude and communication. I didn’t progress very far, but I DID figure out a lot of what is bothering me and why, and I tried different ways to handle it. I think I am getting there! Already I have tried to tackle my frustration this weekend by communicating better.*

And the “frivolous items”? Well, I DIDN’T buy a single magazine or book, which is what I had in mind when I wrote that. But uh, yeah, I did buy new clothes (twice), running outfits, a new computer, and… a new car. Good thing I wasn’t buying any magazines, right? Jeez.

We cut back on eating out, not that we did it much before, but I think that can be attributed to the fact that we are so conscious of what we put in our bodies now.

What did I learn? I learned that I CAN reach a goal, but that it can be too overwhelming to try to tackle a lot at once (perhaps I should follow Nilsa’s “challenge a month” lead?). Upcoming goals for me include really committing to cutting out swearing, and trying veganism, and apparently, working on my blogging addiction (any tips with that?).

Unrelated topic: My sister, Christina, was inspired to make a rainbow cake after seeing this set on flickr. Check it out, it’s pretty cool! Here are her photos below. I totally thought of Tori’s rainbow cake when she told me about this!

It looks like you just use yellow cake mix, then separate it and add food coloring to make the fun colors! Or maybe not food coloring? I am not sure what’s in those little white tubes.

Doesn’t it look so fun?! Christina’s so fun.

Yummy! I hope everyone enjoys it!

Christina made this cake to share with my family for Easter. They are all together, with my mom’s side of the family. I decided not to join them this year, so Steven and I are going to take it easy at home (If you can call him running 12 miles taking it easy! HA HA! I only have to run 6 today.).

I hope everyone has a wonderful day!

*”What’s bothering me?” you ask. Well, how nice of you to ask. Thank you. 1. My face is STILL numb and it’s bothersome to eat. 2. The kids in our neighborhood were damaging the trees in our yard yesterday, playing in the street, and harassing a goose. I went outside to talk to them, calmly and nicely, about all three things. I wondered why their parents were no where in sight, letting them play in the street! 3. We saw Fast and Furious last night, and once again, there were a bunch of very young children in the theater. One woman sat down and let her toddler climb up and down the stairs on his own. Well, of course he fell and started crying. There were 5 or 6 kids that probably got up at least 10 times (no, seriously) and literally ran up and down the stairs, very loudly. And the kids behind us would not shut up the entire time. I finally asked them, again, as nicely as I could, to please be quiet so the rest of us could enjoy the remainder of the movie. It was a fluff movie, but that experience really put me in an upset mood last night. 4. My frickin’ cat keeps waking me up at 6:00 am, and I can’t go back to sleep, and I am lonely, up by myself. (Data just goes back to bed!)

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By kilax, October 31, 2008 5:59 am

Do you answer the phone if you don’t recognize the number on the caller ID? Do you have a land line phone?

I’ve gotten into the bad habit of not answering my phone unless I know who is calling me, and I want to talk to them. How awful is that? I think it has been heightened by all of the stupid political calls I’ve been getting lately. I have to remember though, my friend who lives in Rome often calls from an “Unknown” number. I would hate to miss her call.

We don’t have a land line. Just our two cell phones. A statistic from this year says that nearly 1/5 of homes only have cell phones!