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By kilax, March 25, 2009 5:24 am

For the first time in my life, I find myself without an appetite. Food seems to be of no interest to me. The only reason I am eating is to fuel my body.

Eating has been becoming more and more about “fueling my body” for some time now. But I was still looking forward to eating. Since Friday, coinciding with becoming sick, food seems to have become a big nuisance. A pain in the butt. A chore.

Yesterday, I took my entire regular food stash with me to work, plus some extra, hoping I would find my appetite. But all I ended up eating during the day, unwillingly, was instant oatmeal, two bites of a banana, soup and a roll, and a homemade granola bar.

Then I got home and ran 4 miles.

That felt wonderful.

NOT.

So. It’s time to force myself to eat. I know this may be a common phenomenon for people when they are sick, but it’s not for me. I love to eat. I always want to eat. I would get out of bed at 3:00 am if it was for a legitimate, scheduled meal.

I know my appetite will come back when I get better, but right now, I can’t taste anything. The thought of food makes me feel sick.

Blah blah blah. Wah wah wah. I’m sick. Boring post. Boo. Sorry. Something better tomorrow.

Off topic, but making me crazy: Has anyone else’s google reader been re-marking things “unread” after you’ve marked them “read”? Mine has been doing this for a few days and it’s making me crazy. Sometimes it sticks, and sometimes it flashes for awhile then goes away.

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By kilax, March 24, 2009 5:13 am

For your entertainment, here is a blog post I wrote about being sick while I was sick. Yeah… it kind of doesn’t make any sense.

My exhaustion finally caught up with me.

On Thursday I developed a small cough in the afternoon. On Friday, it was deeper, but I felt well enough to go to work. But by lunch time I started to feel weak. I had aches in my legs and couldn’t walk very fast. I left early and the aches spread to my hips and lower back. We had tickets to a comedy club with friends that night and were supposed to meet them for dinner first. Instead, I laid in bed all night, as the aches moved to my chest. Wonderful wife I am. $50 down the drain.

On Saturday, surprisingly, I felt somewhat better. Still weak, but not coughing as much, and not achy. We took Sir Data Lor to the vet, and cleaned the house a bit for friends to come over. I was terrified I would have to cancel our get together* with Kevin, Katie, Diane, E and Tori, but I felt great all day. Until about 9:00 pm, when they probably noticed me continually getting up from playing Wii Trivial Pursuit** to blow my nose, cough, and wash my hands in the bathroom.

On Sunday I felt miserable. I kept getting hot and cold, hot and cold. I would be shivering under the sheets, then they would be wet from me sweating too much. I had to go to Target to pick up a prescription. You know what the pharmacist*** said to me? “You look tired.” You know what it means when people say that to  you? “You look like crap.” I DID look like crap. I laid in bed all day.

I thought I may go to work on Monday, but decided not to. It’s a good thing I didn’t. I could barely stand up when I was trying to make myself oatmeal in the morning – I felt too weak and dizzy. I had aches during the day again. Felt too weak to get out of bed most of the time. But the coughing had gone down. Hurrah.

On Tuesday, I think I’ll go into the office. What the hell. Should be fun.

You know what? I have been PISSED OFF this whole time I’ve been sick. I’m angry. This stupid sickness is putting a serious hamper in my exercise plans. Taking four days off is making me crazy. And I don’t feel like I should be sick. I eat well and I exercise. I’m healthy!

I know what you’re thinking, “Um, Kim, maybe it’s because you don’t get enough sleep?” Yeah, that has got to be it. From now on, I am going to recommit to getting 7 hours of sleep a night. I will set a timer for 10:00 or whatever, and when it goes off, I’ll stop what I’m doing, and go to bed, as often as possible. If that doesn’t happen, I am going to start sleeping on the train again.

I’ll do whatever it takes to get healthy.

And yeah, that includes finally going to the doctor. I’m working on that one.

*We had such a wonderful time having everyone over on Saturday night. We rarely get to spend time with friends, so it was a real treat. And I love that blogging has given me so many “real life” friends. I never thought that would happen when I started this blog! And I must say – I have a very real blogger crush on Tori. She’s even more awesome in person.
**I sucked at Wii Trivial Pursuit just as much as the tangible board game. What a surprise! Not!
***My pharmacist is pretty funny. The last time I was there, she was so excited to enter my new government insurance info in the computer because of the “awesome low prices!”
BONUS FOR MAKING IT THIS FAR: Anyone sick of me using asterisks all the time? Muah ha ha! Blame it on diane! I copied her’s! I love it when she adds little tidbits!

Comments (24)

By kilax, March 20, 2009 5:47 am

Are you more likely to exercise if doing so with a friend or family member?

For the past two weeks, I’ve gotten up extra early (4:30) so that I can leave work a bit earlier to exercise with a coworker* in the office gym. I’ve looked forward to these days so far. Yeah, it’s a hassle to wake up earlier, take a gym bag, shower at work, and get home more than an hour later, but it’s a fun detour from my normal schedule. It’s something different. And it’s fun to chat while working out.

This coworker is also participating in the Biggest Loser Challenge. She was telling me that she hasn’t been successful, so I suggested we exercise together once a week, and surprisingly… she agreed. This made me think, maybe SHE is the type of person who is more likely to work out if she is doing it with someone else.

I think I’m different. I start by doing it for me. I’ll always be doing it for me. Seeing someone else work out isn’t going to make me do it. Steven worked out during the entire holiday season and I would just look at him and think, “Meh!” then go back to wrapping presents and eating sugar cookies.

I am more likely to meet someone to work out if I’ve already promised I would, but I wouldn’t be making that promise if I wasn’t already invested in exercise. Does that make sense? I need to make the commitment to ME, not to someone else.

I think other people may be different though. Are you?

Comments (20)

By kilax, March 18, 2009 4:10 am

I have to share two dirty little secrets:

1. I am a runner who NEVER does strength training. (BAD BAD BAD!!!)
2. I am a runner who NEVER gets sore from running. I push myself, but never feel the burn the next day. Lucky, I guess.

With that being said – for me to find a workout DVD that gets the strength training in, AND makes me feel sore as hell, that means a lot! And that’s not mentioning that is also gets my blood flowing and my heart rate up.

I’ve been doing Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred at Level 1 for four days now. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the DVD, it is split into three levels of workout intensity. You become comfortable with one before you more on to the next. I think the idea is that you do it once a day for 30 days straight, but it never actually explains that on the DVD… anywhere that I’ve found anyway!

Each level is a “20” minute (more like 30) workout with a warm up, then 3 intervals each of 3 minutes on strength, 2 minutes of cardio, and 1 minute of abs, and a cool down. It is fast paced and keeps your heart rate going the whole time.

Pros: Just doing this for four days has me walking around like I have stiff, sore legs. It hurts to bend over. My chest is sore. It feels great! I can really see this DVD changing my body in the next 30 days. And I like that it only takes 30 minutes of my time, can be done without leaving my house, and requires minimal equipment – just free weights.

Cons: I worry that the DVD is only going to strengthen my upper legs and chest/upper arms. I hope that we get to a calf exercise in the later levels. And I find Jillian annoying and fake. But I bet a lot of people say that. (In the last ab exercise of Level 1, she says “I know you feel that little knot in your stomach. That’s your body getting stronger.” Ugh. Every time she says that, I DO feel it. Those bicycle crunches ARE HARD.) And one more thing – the DVD doesn’t play nice with our DVD Changer. Oh well.

Overall, I really like it, especially being the first workout DVD I’ve ever tried. I hope that if I ever surpass Level 3, I will have a new found inspiration to continue strength training on my own! I really think anyone* could do this DVD – no matter what your exercise level is. It is tough at first, but even four days later, it’s feeling easier to me.

Side Note: I just remembered that Jillian Michaels has this game for the Wii. I don’t have the Wii Fit, but the game sounds kind of cool.

*Let me know how it goes if you try it! I know Tori is talking about it! And based on offline conversations with Denise, Mom, Courtney and Gina – I think you four would like it as well!

Comments (19)

By kilax, March 16, 2009 5:11 am

Since I’ve started exercising so much, and not sleeping on the train in the morning, I’ve been having really strange energy peaks.

I get to work energized and refreshed. I feel great until about 3:00, when I usually start to feel a bit tired, dizzy and weak. I have a snack of veggies, hummus and fruit, to try to snap out of it.

If it works, then am pretty pumped the rest of the day. And I mean pumped – my heart is racing. If I don’t nap on the train ride home, my heart doesn’t slow down until late in the evening, sometimes around 11:00 or later. If I nap on the train, I am somewhat doomed. It takes me awhile to snap out of the sleepy fog when I get home, but then my heart starts to race again afterward, and I am still up too late.

If the snack doesn’t work,  I can’t snap out of my fog – I spend the rest of the day in a daze. Whether or not I sleep on the train, it doesn’t  matter – I’m going to be out of it.

This new energy pattern is alarming to me, because I am hitting so many highs and lows. I am fairly steady most of the day, but then my heart really starts to race, and I get anxious and excited and energetic. It feels great to be so energetic, but it doesn’t feel great to come down from it. I am trying to eat balanced meals throughout the day, and drink plenty of water, and am TRYING to get enough sleep, but I don’t know what else to do to normalize my energy levels.

And I doubt I will be sleeping much on the train anymore. I bought myself an HP Mini to use the internet while I ride. Yay! I have been wanting a smaller computer to take on the train for a long time.

Letting Data use the new computer – it’s more “his” size!

Comments (13)

By kilax, March 15, 2009 2:44 pm

I can’t figure out why I am so angry/frustrated/anxious this weekend. I tell myself that recognizing something is wrong is the first step in solving the problem, but I am not going to get very far if I can’t figure out what is bothering me so much.

We’ve had gorgeous spring weather here all weekend, which means I got to do both of my runs outside. Yesterday was a quick 3-miler. Today, I did Level 1 of the 30 Day Shred*, then, after my legs quit shaking (approximately 20 minutes later), I did my 8 mile run. I used a hydration belt for the first time, and even brought along some sport beans to take for energy. The park in our neighborhood has a .48 mile (thanks to Steven’s Garmin for the calculation) oval sidewalk, so I just ran that 16+ times. It was a great run, and I felt like I could keep going. I felt great when I was done. I love running outdoors. I love that the breeze keeps me cool. I love watching people in the park, to keep myself entertained. I love the warm sun on my skin.

So why, after my glorious run, did that rotten mood come immediately RIGHT BACK?

I’d like to blame it on hormones, but I think it is more than that. My energy levels have been having some weird swings** lately, and I wonder if I have some sort of imbalance that might be affecting me. Yeah. That’s be great – if I could blame it all on biology!

*I’ll try to write a review of the 30 Day Shred later on, after I’ve been using it awhile. For now, just let me say – push ups and crunches kick my butt!
**More on that later too.

Comments (25)

By kilax, March 14, 2009 8:13 am

I participate in an alternate work schedule at my office, so every other week, I get a Friday off. I use it as a day to get a lot of errands done so Steven and I can have a relaxing weekend. Yesterday, I ran 5 miles, went to the dentist*, went  shopping for a suit (FAIL), picked up a DVD (more on that below) and went grocery shopping (at 2 different stores) all before 1 pm!

Then I came home, ate lunch, walked Data, got the mail, read blogs… and passed out on the couch for an hour and a half. Oops!

Anyway, I decided to surprise Steven by getting up early and making him some of those banana donuts**  different people (Meghann and Mica) in the blogosphere have been making. Here’s the recipe, which I halved, making six donuts.

One minor problem with the recipe – it calls for egg whites, and I started mixing everything up before I remembered we used the rest of the eggs for Thursday night’s dinner. I had a little mini-panic and contemplated giving up and pouring the batter into the trash, then decided to improvise by using an extra tablespoon and a half of oil. Not the healthiest alternative, but it worked. The only other way I altered the recipe was by putting in a tad of banana extract flavoring.

I really wanted them to look like donuts, so I put all of the batter into a large plastic bag, then cut off the edge of the bag and squeezed the batter through to shape into donuts.

They look kind of “donut-y!”

I am estimating that one has approximately 200 calories.

I had to jump on the treadmill and run my 5 miles before I could try one. I was a bit worried they wouldn’t taste that good, but Steven LOVED them! He even took a couple to work so I could live up to my reputation as the wife who bakes things (formerly, “the wife who bakes cookies“). And I tried one after my shower – I LOVED them too! They make a very good breakfast, and are not too sweet.

I picked up Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred DVD while running my errands. I’ve been reading a lot of health and fitness blogs lately and I think about 50% of them are using this DVD to work out at home! I can’t wait to try it today, with Steven!

*I am SO EXCITED to have dental insurance now. I love going to the dentist. I hadn’t been since September of 2002. A lot has changed since then! Now they can take photos of your teeth inside your mouth and show it to you!
**I AM THE BONANA KING!!! If you have time, and a sense of humor, spend the 6+ minutes to watch this ridiculously silly video.

Comments (9)

By kilax, March 7, 2009 8:03 am

On Thursday afternoon (okay, AND Friday, but this story relates to Thursday), I started feeling a bit snacky. I felt an eating binge coming on. I’m sure it was a result of lack of sleep and avoidance of the work task at hand. I exhausted the remainder of my snack stash at work – a serving of pretzels and a few various granola bars/fruit bars.

Then I decided I wasn’t done, so I grabbed my little coin purse and trekked my way back to the vending machine. I got there and stared at it. The top two rows of the vending machine have salty snacks – mostly chips. And the remaining, I don’t know, five or six rows, are ALL sweets.

I gave up sweets, making it very difficult to find anything I wanted. This is where a normal person would stop the quest and go back to there desk, but I stood there for quite some time and noticed someone else in there, kind of looking at me.

“I can’t decide what I want,” I told him. He didn’t want to use the machine, but seemed curious that I was standing there so long.

“Well, you gotta narrow it down,” he said. “Do you want salty or sweet? Once you decide that, there are other decisions to make. For example, if you choose sweet, then you need to decide if you want something chocolatey. And if you do, will it be nuggety, nutty or fruit-flavored?”

I thought that guy was pretty funny. I realized what I WANTED was M&M’s, but I couldn’t have them, so I went down to the snack shop in our building.

I found the same situation there. More sweets than anything else. My craving for something sweet intensified while I was down there. But I resisted, and grabbed a bag of Gardetto’s.

Yuck. What a disappointment. First of all, they weren’t what I wanted. Secondly, I felt super self-conscious eating them at my desk because they are so crunchy (you know what I am talking about diane!). And thirdly, they leave a super nasty after taste in your mouth. And they don’t really have a good “before taste anyway. I hate that I just had to eat something, and picked something that didn’t even hit the spot.

So, I confirmed something about myself – I have a sweet tooth. When I get snacky, I crave sweet treats. You know what I was thinking that day? “M&M’s sound good. Warm, chewy cinnamon rolls sound good. A Deerfield’s Bakery donut sounds good.” I wanted something sweet and soft or sweet and crunchy.

Since I gave up sweets I’ve been having half an orange in the afternoon (along with carrots and celery). I thought now might as well be a good time to eat “closer to the earth” as well. I get so sick of eating processed crackers and bars. And even though I look for processed food without high amounts of sugar in it, it’s hard to find. There’s still a lot of sugar in there.

Most days I am totally fine eating my healthy snacks, but every once in awhile I get these awful urges that I just have to eat, eat, eat! They don’t come that often. But I hate it when they do. I wish I was better at controlling them. I feel awful putting bad things into my body that I don’t really want. Especially because I run so much. Usually that is enough to make me not do it, but not all the time. Ugh, I am blabbing.

I don’t know if I learned anything from all of this, or if I just feel better sharing my guilt here.

Side note: Should I feel guilty that I felt good yesterday when I overheard my cute and skinny coworker confess that she ate one roll of thin mints the day before, and the other roll the next day? Of course, it was immediately followed with “Now I have to work out, like, twice today!”

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By kilax, March 6, 2009 6:50 am

How many hours of sleep do you get a night? How many would you like to get? Do you think the amount of sleep you get has any effect on your weight?

These questions are kind of random and strung together, but let me explain.

Last month, Glamour magazine had this huge article teaser on their cover – “Lose 10 Pounds Just By Sleeping More” (msnbc feature on the article here). When I saw it, I thought “riiiiight.” Then, I read it, and still thought, “riiiiight.” But I’ve heard it before – people who get less sleep are heavier than people who get more sleep.

There are two ways I can relate to this statement, but they are not directly related to that article. One is that in college, I used to take naps because I was so sleep deprived, and when I woke up, still tired, I always thought I was hungry. I almost always ate something. It took a lot of constraint not to. The other happens to me now – I am so tired that I eat, just so the snacking motion will keep me awake.

This has been a really awful week for me, sleep-wise. I’ve been staying awake on the train in the morning, and I think not banking that 1-1.25 hours of sleep is really hurting me. I am so energetic and peppy at work, but when I get on the train to go home, all the energy is gone. And one day this week, I got so pumped up at work in the afternoon that my heart was still beating too fast when I tried to go to bed that night. I didn’t end up falling asleep until 1:00 and still got up at my normal time of 5:15. I was so tired at work the next day that I got delirious and dizzy in the afternoon. So the next day, last night, I skipped my workout and got in bed at 8:30. I feel a little better. A little.

So, to answer my own question, I usually get 6 hours, would love 7 or 8, and think it would help me keep weight off, just because I wouldn’t be eating to try to stay awake.

But really, I am stuck in the schedule I have. It’s funny, a fellow coworker on the Biggest Loser Challenge was complaining to me a few weeks ago about not having time to exercise. So she asked me when I do. And I told her – I spend 1.5 hours on the train, eat dinner right away when I get home, then 1.5 hours exercising… a shower, maybe some blog reading… and that’s my weeknight. Four nights a week. Exercise is important to me; I am not ready to give that up to get more sleep. (Oh, and by the way, I think the coworker was looking for… some validation in my answer to make herself feel less guilty, but she didn’t get it. So starting this Wednesday, she and I will be making weekly visits to the office gym after work. I’ll let you know how it goes!)

If you’re interested, here are some other related articles on the sleep topic: “Importance of Sleep: Six Reasons not to scrimp on sleep,” and “The Steps to a Sleep Diet.”

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By kilax, March 4, 2009 5:16 am

It looks like I am having another random Wednesday. Maybe I should copy Kevin and start doing “Snippet Wednesdays” if this turns into a habit – I just don’t know if I can promise snippets though!

My Office’s Biggest Loser Challenge Update: Week 6

It’s week 6 of the Biggest Loser Challenge, and I’ve lost 6.56% of my starting weight. I’ve been taking it nice and slow. So even though I am trying to lose weight, I don’t feel like I am living the lifestyle of someone who is trying to lose weight. Does that make any sense? What I am saying is, I DON’T feel like I am on a diet!

Weigh-ins Don’t Work for Everyone

Every Tuesday, the Sun-Times has a Q&A column by Mehmet Oz, M.D. and Michael Roizen, M.D. Apparently we are supposed to be impressed because the first guy is associated with Oprah, and the second guy worked at a prestigious hospital.

Anyway. Today’s first question was about programs that require weekly weigh-ins, and whether they are more successful than programs that don’t.

I found their response interesting – basically, you get out of it what you put into it. If a weekly weigh-in causes you to rethink your efforts and put new vigor into your eating and exercise, that’s good. If a weekly weigh-in causes you to “drown your disappointment in a pint of dark-chocolate ice cream,” that’s bad.

Overall, they said you should be measuring inches, not pounds. I wish I would have measured myself before I started my Office’s Biggest Loser Challenge!

Do you think weekly, private, weigh-ins would work for you?

MyPlate Doesn’t Work for Me

One week on my Office’s Biggest Loser Challenge, I decided I was frustrated (because of a very small gain!) and I signed up for the food diary site, MyPlate. I used it for three days. That was enough. I ate very well those three days, but the headache and constant stress of thinking about food was too much for me. I know that so many people recommend keeping a food diary, but I just can’t do it. It makes me want to rebel.

It was a silly three days, but it helped me get to the point of realizing that my body weight naturally fluctuates and it’s not a big deal.

The Sweet Portion of Lent and Guilt-Ridden Dreams

The Girl Scout Cookies have landed. And they’re everywhere in my office. Let me repeat: I feel relieved to walk by these and not feel tempted by them. Because. They. Are. Everywhere. I. Turn.

My first week of not eating sugary treats went very well. I shared a blueberry muffin with Steven on Sunday and that was it. I think I could have gone the whole day without that muffin, but I could tell he really wanted it.

On Monday night, I had a nightmare that I was gorging on sweets. This tells me I must be serious about it. Sometimes, I have nightmares that I am eating meat and feel very guilty in the dream. Steven has these dreams too. Maybe all vegetarians do? I’ve never craved meat the 8 years I’ve been a vegetarian, but I will have this dream every once in awhile. Well, the sugar dream made me feel the same way – guilty.

I wonder if my sister Christina, who is also a used to be a vegetarian, has had those dreams. Christina, if you are reading this, I also had a dream Monday night that you and Steven and I were at Grandma’s Pete’s old house with the whole fam. The three of us were upset because they were making huge egg mcmuffins, but wouldn’t make them without canadian bacon on them for us. Aunt Linda was making them (of course…). I took one from her and threw a egg on the ceiling and it stuck. I thought dad was going to yell at me, but he laughed. Then we got mad and left!

Thanks Tori!

Tori, thank you for sending me the awesome Thyroid Cancer Awareness wristband. I am going to wear it and tell everyone who asks about it your story and how awesome you are!

(P.S. Data is jealous)

That Nasty Bruise

Thought you’d go a whole week without a fencing post? HA! Not so fast! I was sad not to have fencing class Monday night. Although, it may have hurt if someone hit me in my bruised spot.

The first week of the bruise I thought it was cool. Now I just want it to go away so I can wear a short sleeved shirt and not have to explain to people that I am taking a fencing class (although, it is a good conversation starter!).

Bonus (if you made it this far!)

Has anyone else seen the Terminator Salvation trailer (at bottom of link)? SWEET! Can’t wait for May 21st! I love your potty-mouth Christian Bale!