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By kilax, April 16, 2009 5:18 am

I visited the doctor yesterday for a myriad of issues. Her diagnosis? Your metabolism is all messed up and your body is confused. So try this for awhile and tell me how it goes.

Gee, thanks.

Okay, okay, what more did I expect? Some sort of miracle solution? She couldn’t give me that.

I’ve just been so IMPATIENT lately. I want to know NOW if something is going to work. But that’s impossible. She doesn’t think my metabolism will stabilize until my body weight stabilizes… which I told her may take awhile since my body is so “confused,” and I am kind of letting it do its own thing. So I must continue to wait.

I was thinking about my anxiety during my awesome run outside last night. I was trying to focus on why I’ve been so anxious. I was trying to get to the root of it all. But I can’t for some reason. I have a hard time even thinking about it. Part of me just says, “go back to the doctor and ask her for anxiety medication like you used to take.” But I really don’t want to do that. I want to keep trying on my own. I have an inner dialogue going on constantly telling myself to calm down, breathe, ignore things, blah blah blah.

And I don’t feel unhappy! In fact, I may be the happiest I’ve ever been. I just feel anxious A LOT of the time.

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By kilax, April 15, 2009 5:01 pm

I don’t know what is wrong with wordpress, but the first two times I tried to post this, the comments didn’t work. Here we go again…

My office’s Biggest Loser Challenge ended today. It began on January 21st and 22 people participated. There was a $12 entry fee, and $2 fee per missed weigh-in and per each pound gained. In the end, the money pot was $428! Do the math on that one!

First place received 55%, second received 25% and third received 20%.

I came in second place with a total loss of 14.17% and won $107. First place was 14.54% and third place was 13.99% (very close!). I stayed in second place almost every week of the competition, except for a week in third, and a week in first (after I was sick).

Now it’s time to stuff my face again!

Just kidding.*

Participating in this was interesting. It brought on a lot of comments and questions about my weight and appearance, which is not something I am used to. I felt uncomfortable at times, just because I was unprepared to react to that kind of attention. I wonder if that will all stop now, that it is over?

Overall, I think the Challenge was helpful with keeping me on track with my healthy eating. I didn’t feel restricted by it**; it was kind of like a friendly reminder. And I’ve mentioned a few times how this made my relationship with the scale so much better – it taught me that the periodical ups and downs don’t mean that much – you have to look at the big picture!

*Although, I did save myself a homemade cookie to eat on my lunch break, and I was kind of “meh” about eating it. I thought it would be orgasmic or something, after not having sweets since 2/25. Guess not!
**Although a few times, I did ask Steven if we could not eat out.

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By kilax, April 12, 2009 7:03 am

What’s with the SUPER long posts lately? And having more than one post in a day? I think what I really need to work on is my blogging addiction!

Well, it’s Easter, so it must be time for the big recap post on Lent.

Basically, you can read this list here and just imagine that all it says is “give up sugar treats,” because that is ALL that I was successful at for Lent (since 2/25 – I didn’t cheat on Sundays). I did have a few granola bars with bits of chocolate, and sports beans, but other than that, I completely gave up cookies, chocolate, soda, muffins, candy, and so on… and I feel GREAT!

I am about to spend the day making cookies, but I don’t think I’ll eat any. I am probably going to wait and have a sweet treat after my office’s Biggest Loser Challenge ends on Wednesday (there are 3 boxes of Girl Scouts cookies waiting to be eaten in my house). I plan on staying off the soda, and only having it on special occasions.

As for the rest of the list? A lot of it had to do with attitude and communication. I didn’t progress very far, but I DID figure out a lot of what is bothering me and why, and I tried different ways to handle it. I think I am getting there! Already I have tried to tackle my frustration this weekend by communicating better.*

And the “frivolous items”? Well, I DIDN’T buy a single magazine or book, which is what I had in mind when I wrote that. But uh, yeah, I did buy new clothes (twice), running outfits, a new computer, and… a new car. Good thing I wasn’t buying any magazines, right? Jeez.

We cut back on eating out, not that we did it much before, but I think that can be attributed to the fact that we are so conscious of what we put in our bodies now.

What did I learn? I learned that I CAN reach a goal, but that it can be too overwhelming to try to tackle a lot at once (perhaps I should follow Nilsa’s “challenge a month” lead?). Upcoming goals for me include really committing to cutting out swearing, and trying veganism, and apparently, working on my blogging addiction (any tips with that?).

Unrelated topic: My sister, Christina, was inspired to make a rainbow cake after seeing this set on flickr. Check it out, it’s pretty cool! Here are her photos below. I totally thought of Tori’s rainbow cake when she told me about this!

It looks like you just use yellow cake mix, then separate it and add food coloring to make the fun colors! Or maybe not food coloring? I am not sure what’s in those little white tubes.

Doesn’t it look so fun?! Christina’s so fun.

Yummy! I hope everyone enjoys it!

Christina made this cake to share with my family for Easter. They are all together, with my mom’s side of the family. I decided not to join them this year, so Steven and I are going to take it easy at home (If you can call him running 12 miles taking it easy! HA HA! I only have to run 6 today.).

I hope everyone has a wonderful day!

*”What’s bothering me?” you ask. Well, how nice of you to ask. Thank you. 1. My face is STILL numb and it’s bothersome to eat. 2. The kids in our neighborhood were damaging the trees in our yard yesterday, playing in the street, and harassing a goose. I went outside to talk to them, calmly and nicely, about all three things. I wondered why their parents were no where in sight, letting them play in the street! 3. We saw Fast and Furious last night, and once again, there were a bunch of very young children in the theater. One woman sat down and let her toddler climb up and down the stairs on his own. Well, of course he fell and started crying. There were 5 or 6 kids that probably got up at least 10 times (no, seriously) and literally ran up and down the stairs, very loudly. And the kids behind us would not shut up the entire time. I finally asked them, again, as nicely as I could, to please be quiet so the rest of us could enjoy the remainder of the movie. It was a fluff movie, but that experience really put me in an upset mood last night. 4. My frickin’ cat keeps waking me up at 6:00 am, and I can’t go back to sleep, and I am lonely, up by myself. (Data just goes back to bed!)

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By kilax, April 10, 2009 6:45 pm

Runner’s World recommends refueling with carbs during a run if you are running 75 minutes or more, and refueling with carbs and protein (4:1 ratio) within 30 minutes after a run that’s longer than an hour.

Hey, just tell me I need to eat more, and I’m a happy camper.

Seriously though, I’ve noticed that I feel much better if I refuel immediately after a long run that’s more than an hour. I’ve been refueling during runs that are longer than 75 minutes, but haven’t noticed much of an energy surge from it… yet! (Steven’s noticed the difference it makes though)

During long runs, I’ve been using Jelly Belly Sports Beans and Luna Moons. The beans are really easy to throw into the side of your mouth and chew while you are running. I’ve only tried the fruit punch flavor, which I liked (even though it was very sweet), but Steven has tried orange and lemon lime and liked those (orange the best). I really like the flavor (I’ve tried pomegranate and blueberry) and chewiness of the Luna Moons, but they get stuck in my teeth! So I will probably use the sports beans during the half marathon so I don’t have to deal with that.

I have not tried GU’s, gels or bloks. I am worried about the gag effect as I try to swallow them.

The truth is, I really just wrote this so I could tell you how excited I am that I finally, finally think I found the perfect “energy” bar for after my long runs. I feel like I’ve tried a zillion different ones. So many of them tasted too thick, chewy and artificial to me. I like things that are fruit flavored, especially strawberry. I don’t like the chocolaty stuff.

The perfect bar is… the Odwalla Berries GoMega bar! It’s a softer bar, more “granola-y,” with a few different kinds of fruit in it. I really like the flavor and texture of it, and the sweetness.

I also like the Luna Sunrise bars in Strawberry Crumble and Blueberry Bliss, and the ZonePerfect bar in Cranberry Orange. I like the flavor of all three of these, but they border on “too chewy and artificial” tasting. And I think they may contain traces of milk, which will be a problem if I decide to go vegan.

And if I need some electrolytes*, I like to drink Powerade Zero in the strawberry flavor. This stuff is super sweet, but I like it!

I just realized that most of these things probably cater best to someone who has a sweet tooth, like me. Steven likes energy/protein bars that are completely different than what I like, because all of mine are “too sweet.”

Steven really likes the ZonePerfect Banana Nut, ZonePerfect Fudge Graham, ZonePerfect Chocolate Peanut Butter and the Kashi Go Lean Crunchy Chocolate Peanut.

I know this is a super long, boring post, but I wanted to share my preferences with other runners/exercisers and anyone who is interested! Does anyone have any recommendations for someone with a sweet tooth? Or maybe something for my chocolate/nut/peanut butter lovin’ husband? Or just something you’ve tried and loved and want to share?

*It’s what plants crave!

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By kilax, April 7, 2009 4:37 am

This postcard on the 04/05  postsecret really upset me.

The text reads: I feel superior when my machine is set at a faster pace.

It seems like I keep running into the topic of “exercising elitism.” Okay, I am not sure if that is what it’s called, but you KNOW these people – people who think they are better than everyone else because they exercise, or run faster, or lift more weights or WHATEVER. They are a bit above and beyond competitive – they think they are some sort of elite or special person. Kyra touched on it a few weeks ago – mentioning that some runners say “that people who listen to music aren’t real runners.” Seriously, what kind of crap is that?

I would be LYING if I said I didn’t have a sense of accomplishment over being able to run when a lot of people cannot. BUT, that does not mean that I think I am better than other people. I recognize that we are all different, with different capabilities. Honestly, I am just excited when someone tells me they are following any sort of exercise plan. Walking, swimming, biking, weights, rowing, whatever it is… I am happy to hear about it. I can always learn something new. And when someone tells me they are struggling, I do not judge them – I remember being extremely overweight and begging Steven to slow down when we ran because I could not keep up with him.  I remember only being able to run for 2 minutes before having to stop.

The postcard upset me, because I think everyone needs encouragement. And not just in regards to exercising – in regards to life. Everyone needs someone to back them up, or at least that feeling that they are doing “the right thing.” Support systems are what keep us going. In my opinion anyway. You can try to do it all on your own, but it’s hard.

So when when I read “I feel superior when my machine is set at a faster pace,” it makes me think this is the type of person who is not out there encouraging other runners. It makes me think that this is the type of person giving running a bad name, actually discouraging other people. I mean, come on, what were your thoughts when you read it? How did it make you feel?

Awhile ago, I wrote a post related to running, and Nilsa commented on the “running community” and the willingness of runners to support one another. At the time, I honestly didn’t know what she meant. But now that I work with so many people who are in to exercise and running, I get it. They are all so supportive and encouraging. It feels great. I don’t know if they are telling me to go for it, then thinking “I am so much faster than her,” but they are making that effort to encourage me, and I like it.

In life, who are we racing against? Others or ourselves? I believe if you continually compare yourself to others, you can never find happiness or feel accomplished.

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By kilax, April 6, 2009 5:33 am

Warning: There may be A LOT of posts in the “Health + Fitness” category this week. Yeah. Oops. I just gotta get a few things out of my mind. On to the post…

I ran 30 miles last week! It was my highest mileage week ever:

• Tuesday: 4 mile run outside with Steven
• Wednesday: 4 miles on treadmill at work (plus 30 mins of “hill intervals” on the elliptical)
• Thursday: 5 miles on the treadmill (and 30 Day Shred Level 1*)
• Friday: 4 mile run outside with Steven
• Saturday: 3 mile run outside with Steven – done in 25:46 min!
• Sunday: 10 miles on the frickin’ treadmill

I was talking to my mom on Wednesday and she asked what Steven and I plan to do after the half marathon. Well, quit running, of course! Just kidding. Unless we have some adverse side effect to the half marathon, our goal is to complete a full marathon in 2009. So I imagine, after a bit of downtime, we will pick a full marathon to sign up for and find a training program. We will probably do a local one for our first. Seems like registration is still open for the 2009 Chicago Marathon on October 11th, so that is a feasible option.

My mom used to be really into running, so I was telling her – I think my body is made to run. It just feels so natural and right to me. Most days, I don’t even struggle with it. So I really hope I continue to feel this way after our half marathon, and can pursue longer distances.

After my long run yesterday, I decided I deserved a little pampering, so I  finally used the Bath & Body Works True Blue Spa Suddenly Sauna for Feet and Shea It Isn’t So Shea Butter Foot Cream that my blogger sister, Gina, sent me for Christmas. Yeah. I was saving them for a special occasion. I figured 10 miles was special enough.

You put water in the booties and it activates some heat elements. While the booties are “heating up,” you put the foot cream on, then slip the booties on when they are ready. It took awhile for the booties to heat up, but once they did, it felt great. I think my feet deserved that extra attention. Thanks Gina! I am excited to use the other two pairs. Now, if only I could figure out how to get rid of my feet “stinky-ness”…

Other running news: We finally signed up for the Walt Disney World Half  Marathon on January 9! I am super excited. Our friends and their parents are going to be there, as well as a few other bloggers. Let me know if you’re going!

*Dammit, did I really only Shred ONE day this week? I need to work on that. Arg.

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By kilax, April 4, 2009 6:38 am

Update 4/10: Photos are available on the Glamour website now.

I was flipping through the May issue of Glamour last night and I came across a page with a gorgeous, curvy model wearing a bikini.

She looks AMAZING!!!

“Oh my gosh!” I thought, “They are actually showing a realistic looking model that has a body that looks like mine!”

I was excited. Then, I realized the entire photo shoot was that one, gorgeous, curvy model. And then I was ecstatic. Giddy. Excited. All by a swimsuit photo shoot!

I love this suit. I could see myself wearing it.

The article is called “Now That’s A Sexy Swimsuit!” and features model Crystal Renn in 5 different swimsuits. I tried to find it on the Glamour website to share with you, but couldn’t (so I scanned these two photos to share).

Props to Glamour for actually showing a realistic looking model in some attractive swimsuits. I am going to have to write them a letter telling them how inspiring it was to see someone I can actually relate to… and that it actually made me look forward to buying a swimsuit this year!

This photo shoot, and a few other blogs I’ve been reading have got me thinking about swimsuits. I have a pretty good swimsuit story, that I actually feel represents a good era of my life, when I wasn’t preoccupied with my body image or food all the time.

My father and I visited Spain in the summer of 2002 with my classmates and Spanish teacher (one of those trips). My mom helped me shop for the trip. I picked out a couple of swimsuits, one being a bikini that she ABSOLUTELY was opposed to me wearing. She called it my “Eye Patch and Dental Floss Swimsuit.” If you look at the photo below, you’ll see why.

Of course, I had to wear it while I was there, just to spite her! Muah ha ha.

I talked to her last night on the phone, telling her I was going to post about it. “You know,” she said, “it was not that I thought you looked bad in the bikini, it was just that I thought you were showing too much skin.”

She’s probably being sincere. But now I realize I DID LOOK BAD, but am happy to report at that time in my life I DID NOT CARE. Without going into too much detail, let’s just say… I became very indifferent to what others thought of me in high school. That’s not to say I had a 100% healthy self esteem, but that I had a very healthy outlook on my appearance. I didn’t worry about how I looked, what others thought of me, or what I ate. As you can see in the photo, maybe I didn’t look that great – but I didn’t care.

Ignorance was bliss, in that case.

It’s not until I got to college that I started to think about food, weight, exercise and apperance. So every once in awhile, especially around swimsuit season, I think of this silly photo, and the time in my life it represents.

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By kilax, April 3, 2009 6:59 am

If you could “fast forward” through something in life, would you? What would it be?

Have you seen that Adam Sandler movie, Click*? Adam Sandler buys this universal remote and finds out he can use it to fast forward through all of the un-pleasantries in his life. He uses it joyfully, to skip the hard work required for his promotion, but discovers an awful side effect – he misses out on what is going on with his family during that time. He becomes distant and removed and ends up losing them.

I used to want to fast forward through all the time and hard work it takes to lose weight and just get to the “after” picture. I felt like I was stuck in “before” land.

But then I realized two things – that once I got down to my “goal size”** I would have to work hard to maintain it anyway. and that arriving at that “goal size” didn’t guarantee my happiness.

So I got over that. But I still fantasize about “fast forwarding” through things. That’s me, always looking to the future, struggling to live in the moment.

I have scheduled pay increases that would be great to fast forward to – not because I am struggling, but because I am greedy. It would be great to fast forward to the summer and some frickin’ warm weather. It would be great to even fast forward to our half marathon day, because I am so excited about it!

But I think I would rather live through the struggles… even though I continue to fantasize about skipping forward.

*One of the few Adam Sandler movies I can actually stand to watch.
**Not even sure what that is anymore, or how it could possibly exist.

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By kilax, April 1, 2009 10:02 pm

I wasn’t looking forward to weighing in today for my office’s Biggest Loser Challenge. Last week, I weighed in during my “loss of appetite” phase and showed a huge loss of 2.5%. At the time, I even said “I know some of that is going to come back.” Sure enough, it did – 1.15% (along with my appetite, thank heavens)*.

You know what I say to all this? A big “Who cares?!” I’ve gotten so used to my body weight going up and down and up and down. If this challenge has taught me anything, it’s that my weight doesn’t directly correlate to ANYTHING. So I really shouldn’t give it ANY power over me. My body seems to be on a path of its own – a path that doesn’t follow a straight line and is impossible to figure out. Sure, my body generally responds well to eating healthy and exercising, but it’s been throwing a few challenges my way lately – ones that are probably not appropriate to discuss here. I’ll just say, I really want to trust my body, but I’m starting to second guess its intentions. It’s probably nothing serious, and doesn’t affect my running at all, but I think I will be seeing a doctor just to check in.

My second cousin Denise is participating in her office’s Biggest Loser Challenge as well. She’s been doing it for four weeks now, and I am super excited for her! She is making great progress in eating healthier and being more active.

She’s already had to play the scale mind games though. After a smaller loss (in comparison to a big loss the week before), she emailed me saying she was “really disappointed” because she thought she had lost more. She recognized that her clothes were loose but she still felt the disappointment.

I tried to be encouraging to her and share what I’ve learned doing this challenge – that the scale is not always an accurate representation of your hard work throughout the week. And she knows that! She’s obviously making progress because her clothes were loose**. It’s just so easy to let those numbers dictate your feelings.

I hope participating in the Challenge has as positive of an effect on her as it has on me – both physically and mentally. Already, I know her participation has helped me – it’s given me a chance to reflect on the challenges of adapting a healthy lifestyle from a friend’s perspective. Encouraging someone else, and following their progress has made me realize how important it is to have a healthy mindset about this whole process. I’m not explaining it very well, but sharing our struggles back and forth in email has given me a broader perspective on the meaning of living a healthy lifestyle. It’s also helped me learn how to overcome my own struggles.

And it’s nice to have my own cheerleader as well! Encouragement is always nice, and Denise is very thoughtful.

*My total loss so far is 11.25%.
**I much prefer kapgar’s method of following weight loss – by how your clothes fit. None of my size 12 dress pants fit me right anymore. They are all falling down and have too much extra fabric in the butt. So… time to do some more “interim” shopping.

Side Note: I published this at noon, but something was wrong with it, so I’ve republished it.

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By kilax, March 28, 2009 8:34 pm

Has anyone else noticed that all of the women’s exercise clothes this season seem to be pink or green?

Good thing I like pink and green!

I was at Kohl’s on Friday, and decided to buy some of their Nike workout clothes to try during my practice runs, in hopes I can wear them at the half marathon. I showed them to Steven tonight, and he had two comments – “White? You’re very brave,” and “That looks like a soccer uniform.”

Ha. I am not surprised about the last comment – that is what attracted me to the white and green tops in the first place – they reminded me of shopping for soccer jerseys. I played soccer for a few years in high school, and my friends (okay, FRIEND) and I were really into it. We loved to go to Scheels, our local sporting goods store, and look at all the cool soccer gear.

Maybe someday I’ll get back into soccer. Maybe there’s still hope that I could actually become good at it!